Part 2: Conflict resolution in Marriage

Related Post: Part 1: Conflict resolution in Marriage

Some actions that can be particularly destructive when faced with conflicts in marriage, are :

• Walking out in the middle of the conflict;
• Intensifying the argument in the middle of the conflict;
• Ignoring your spouse;
• Ridiculing, mocking or belittling your spouse or your spouse’s feelings and ideas in the midst of conflict;

• Believing destructive things about your spouse that are not true (that is, your spouse is actively trying to make your life miserable).

Some practical steps to take in working towards resolution in a conflict:

• Select a time to discuss the matter. Make sure you have enough time to work through the issue on your own. Choose a time when you are not hungry or tired!
• Try and allow a reduction in tension, if possible
• Ensure good communication cues and words are used
• Define the problem. How would the other define it?
• Use an example your spouse will be familiar with to compare your hurt in the present conflict.
• Try to see the conflict from the other’s point of view
• Remember that “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). Own up on how you have added to the problem. This is where the husband can take leadership in loving his wife as Christ loved the church. Someone needs to break the tie.
• Ask for forgiveness for wrong attitudes, assumptions, hurtful words, destructive behavior e.t.c.
• It is also noteworthy that at times we may need to ask for forgiveness from God for our roles in the conflict. This will require repentance of ungodly behavior, conduct or state of our hearts. We should also realize it is only God that can make us to become better persons for our spouse and to His Glory.

Take note

When you experience a conflict as a couple, you may have difficulty moving forward. Often the husband wants to move forward too quickly, and the wife is more cautious. The wife’s caution generally comes from a fear that her husband does not understand how much hurt she has felt in the situation. She may be looking for assurance that he understands the magnitude of her hurt. Once she senses that her husband understands, she can move forward with some degree of confidence that it will not happen again.