Save the Drama...

I received a call from an old friend of mine who is serving far away. She had some issues and said she couldn't share them with her sisters because they would just roll their eyes and say "Here she comes with her drama again" She said her other friends would say the same thing and that's why she bottled it up for so long.

I had to ask her to pause right there to address the drama issue.

We all have those people who insist on focusing on the negative.  The cup is always half empty to them and I know nobody wants to be an emotional wastebasket. On the other hand,  many ladies would rather die than share their problems with other women because of the general "Pull her down attitude"

Prayers For Your Husband

"... And NO gossiping or complaining about your husbands...Ever!" Everyone burst into laughter. Those were the words of my pastor after service last month, when he announced that there would be a time once a month on Sunday evenings for women to get together and pray.

Sometimes we are more inclined to complain about our husband (even if its only in the deep recesses of our minds) than to actually pray for them. So, I have listed these prayers as a so we can continue to lift our men up daily.

1. Dear Lord thank you for (insert husband's name). May my love for him grow.

2. (insert husband's name) is Yours please take charge of his life. Because I can't. May Your characteristics manifest in him as he grows in his relationship with you.

Do Something Wonderfully Illogical

“This doesn't make any sense!” Ring a bell? If you have been a human being (above the age of five) living on earth you would have said or thought this phrase AT LEAST ONCE every single day of your life. If you are a Christian you must have thought, if not outright said this, many many times as well.

It was one of those days where I was considering screaming and/or throwing something…anything at all….outside the window. I was so upset. I cannot for the life of me remember now what it was that had made me upset (such is the case with things that have no eternal significance). Akan and I must have been arguing about something or the other at the time. Let me backtrack a little here to give you some understanding. 

I grew up in a setting where concepts like “discussion” and “input” were FAR OUT. Whoever commanded the use of the CANE a.k.a ASAN was the ONLY person who spoke and whose opinion mattered - and I use the word “cane” here in the loosest of terms because my mother of blessed memory ( whom I absolutely adore ) didn't mind what she laid her hands on. As long as she could use it to set you straight, she would. A few of the “delicacies” we were introduced to over time included (but were not limited to) “omorogun”, iron rod, dirty slaps, a well-aimed knock at the epicentre of your head (made you wonder if they went to a particular school to train for it….such was the accuracy and timing of it) etc. Consequently I grew up not truly understanding what it meant to be in a relationship where more than ONE opinion was necessary.

The Lies We Women Believe...

1. The best way to get over one man is to get onto another. This goes out to all serial daters.You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing appealing about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. Fortify your relationship with God. Rebound relationship is toxic.

2. Less is more. This is only true when it comes to accessories or makeup. The media and peer pressure make many women believe that the “Hot" girls get the best guys. Hence, show us as much of your back, boobs, lower waist, upper bum and legs as possible. This does a lot of harm to girls and women who don't have much confidence and further affects their self-esteem..

3. Good Sex will make him stay. No it will not. Men do not marry the women just because they have the best skills in the bedroom. If they did, there would be no prostitutes or pornstars. 

4. Marriage will complete me. Sometimes, when we lack in completeness we often seek it in relationships, marriage, sex, or material things. Things that seem to improve acceptance. Never embark on a relationship just to fill in a void in your life.

Is there any such thing as a Perfect Family?

Prince William, Catherine Duchess of Cambridge with new son, Prince George

Since the beginning of the month of July, there has been this excitement about the birth of the future king of England, Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge.  The press from most parts of the world gathered for weeks around the St. Mary's Hospital, Paddington, in central London, in the same wing in which the late Princess Diana gave birth to William in 1982.

When the baby was first introduced to the world by the Prince William and his wife Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, I guess some people had wished that they were born in the royal family. Some might have thought, "Aw, what a perfect family." 

If Only I had A Mother...

I’ve been visiting the hospital to be with a very dear friend of mine who had a threatened abortion and eventually a miscarriage. When she was eventually discharged she shared that she was sad that her mother wasn't there (her mother was late). She was further saddened and offended that her aunts called but didn't take out time to visit. 

Suddenly I had this déjà vu of how I felt after delivering my child. I just broke down in tears one day because although my mum was alive, she couldn't be there. I asked God why he would let that happen, it hurt me so deeply. Frustrated that this persistent yearning continued to pursue me days after, I confided in a godly friend. After sharing my struggle with her, she told me simply “But He has given you many mothers, all you have to do is accept them.”

Creating a Family Bucket List

I stumbled across a Steve Harvey show recently when he talked about a Family Bucket List. It got me thinking that I have actually not intentionally drafted a Bucket List with my family for my family.

For all those who do not know what a Bucket List is; the term "Bucket List" was made popular in a 2007 American comedy-drama film starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. The film is about two terminally ill men (portrayed by Nicholson and Freeman) on their road trip with a wish list of things to do before they "kick the bucket". "Kick the Bucket" is another expression for "To Die".

Let's forget the morbid part of dying. The Family Bucket List can mean a list of things to do before kids leave home for university or marriage. Or it may even mean a list of things to do before a certain date. The thrill is in getting the family to come up the list and actually doing things together. It really is a fun-filled way of creating memories that will last forever.

Spot the Jesus -In The Pleasure

It's Friday and we are all in the TGIF mood. On this final day of "Spot the Jesus" I wonder if we can find God's pleasure.

Many people seem to think that if something’s fun, it must be at least partially wrong. Yet God gives us the world to live in and enjoy. Jesus said he wants us to have life more abundantly. 

Therefore, it is my feeling that pleasure is a place to meet God, whether it be the pleasure of nature, of playing, of loving one another, of beauty, or of the occasional overwhelming conviction that we are loved by God. Pleasure can really be a touchy subject sometimes because nobody wants their idea of happiness to be messed up by someone else's beliefs. Warren Berkley put it this way: 

The Five Love Languages - A review

This is one of the most intellectually sound books ever written for couples, by one of the greatest marriage counselors (or shall I say consultants?) of our time.

If you communicate love one way, but your spouse receives and feels loved in a completely opposite way there are likely to be many misunderstandings and hurt feelings between you. He always tells you how pretty you are and how he loves the way you think, but you feel more loved when he gets you a gift. So, he feels he is showing you love, but you don’t feel much love at all. It could be vice versa; you think that spending time with him will make him feel loved but he prefers words of affirmation. 

The 5 Love Languages® are broken down into the following categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. It can take time to figure out what your own love language is and what your spouse’s is. And even when you know, it can also take practice to use the love languages.

"Spot The Jesus" Day 4. In your Overcoming

We like to identify God with a day that goes well, speaking of God's presence in terms of “blessings.” Sometimes we go so far as to equate God's presence with our success or happiness. There is some truth to this, but such perceptions of God greatly limits our capacity to recognize His presence every day. Yeah, we call ourselves overcomers but do we really ask ourselves what that means?

More often than not, God is in the actual overcoming, the action we take in order to navigate the difficulties we encounter in life. When we solve a problem, face the truth, wrestle with a decision, suffer through illness, watch and pray, learn to pray, lend a hand, stir our faith or admit our doubt—these are the situations in which The Almighty is powerfully at work in us. God's love is not static; it moves and acts within our real circumstances. Holy life is not some pretty scene to admire; God is in the doing, in the living, and the growing.

Why Love is Like Cooking

Maya Angelou said Cooking is like writing poetry, be careful in the choice your ingredients and respectful of how they work together. That’s true of all the efforts in life. Cooking is like love.

Every now and then I get an itch to try to make something that sounds exotic and delectable and difficult, only to learn that it’s not nearly as tricky to make as I’d thought and so then I exercise less caution only to come to the stark realisation that it takes just as much caution as many other recipes I’ve come across. 

This was the case when I decided to make home made apple crumble. Why make apple crumble at home when you can buy it at a supermarket and toss it in the microwave? Well, because it’s satisfying to do things yourself, and I admit it, sometimes it’s cool to impress my husband with something that seems fancy.

Spot the Jesus -Day 3. Brimming with Potential

However, If we look more intently at the people we encounter on a typical day, we will see who they truly are—persons loved by God, people that Jesus died for. Regardless of appearance or situation, the woman, man, or child before you is brimming with holy possibility. Consider that for as second. Understand that Jesus comes to you in many faces and places.

When Jesus came to share our human existence, he changed what it means to be ordinary people going through the day. Each one of us has a purpose and a place in the world. Each of us experiences pain, fatigue, humor, and hope

I think I've mentioned this before but, after I gave birth to my daughter something within me changed and I had this new found love for humanity. I saw everyone as a child (I know that sounds strange) a child of someone I guess, not necessarily mine. But that is who we are children of God.

Spot The Jesus -Day 2. In Difficult Relationships

Recently a husband was complaining bitterly about his wife’s attitude towards domestic activities while she complained about how rude he was at times when he wanted to correct her and even outrightly abusive at times. Demands of life and our expectations can sometimes leave us with little or no steam and vigour at times, temporarily we might not be the best friends or lovers. It’s easy to love other people when everything’s going well. But when there are hurt feelings, mistrust, or clashing wills, relationships don’t feel very much as though they are of God. Yet it is at just those times, that we can witness the movement of God in our lives, leading us to healing, trust, and cooperation. These can be opportunities to let go of character defects and to exercise virtues. 

When major family relationship problems are encountered, it’s common to attempt a control strategy. You try to get the other person to change. Sometimes this approach works, especially if your request and the other person are both reasonable. But many times it just leads to frustration because we need to work on ourselves.

...Some Royal Parenting Advice

Going by the hype you'd certainly be forgiven if you thought Kate Middleton was the first woman in Britain to have a baby. Royalbaby has become one of the most retweeted hashtags of all time. The royal baby is expected to arrive any day from now and for months people have been suggesting baby names, birth plans and of course offering loads of unsolicited parenting advice. Advice that I think, many of us can benefit from even if we are not members of the Windsor family. So here is my list of some of the best advice they have been given, that we can also benefit from.

1. "Do the best you can. Not everything can be perfect all the time - and that doesn't mean you can't try to make it perfect - but it's not going to be. … You have to find your community. We've had three kids in five years, and each of them is at a different age. For each of them I have a different community of friends who are helping be the village that raises these children. Being a mom when

you're all alone can be lonely, which is so crazy because people think, 'Oh, you have a baby - it should be so exciting all the time!' But truly, I think a lot of moms out there get lonely because you're with only children all day long. You need a community. It's so important on every single level." -Jessica Capshaw

"Spot The Jesus" Day 1: At Work

A little girl in Sunday school tapped the teacher and asked "Why do we say we love God? I don't know Him, I pray to Him because I don't want to go to hell, not because I love Him.” This young child was being as sincere as she could possibly be. Love for God is not automatic it requires an effort at knowing Him. One must resist the temptation to fake it till you make it. The more we observe Him and understand Him the more we become more thankful and reverent, and through this we become more devoted to God, we fall more deeply in love with our Creator.

In life I like to play "Spot the Jesus". Many of us fall into the subtle trap of thinking the only place to find God is at church. If we're not expecting to find God everywhere, we might just miss great opportunities for help, healing, and spiritual growth. I try to identify the hand of God in everything and it appears that this game of hide and seek is very much something God intends. “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter but the glory of kings is to search out a matter.” Proverbs 25:2

So, over the next week we are going to spot the Jesus together, we will attempt to open the eyes of our hearts.

A Little Inspiration

A little inspiration can go a long way. These quotes inspire me when I need a little inspiration in my day. I hope they inspire you too.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us." Helen Keller 

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou

"The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit." - Nelson Henderson 

"Govern thy life and thoughts as if the whole world were to see the one, and read the other."-Thomas Fuller 

"Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities."-Aldous Huxley 

God's Waiting Room - A review

Waiting for an appointment with a doctor can be irritating, time-wasting, and downright anxiety producing. , Debra Johnson uses the common experience of a waiting room as a metaphor to show how life in general is filled with stressful times of waiting. It’s funny that I came across this book in the waiting room of someone I want to interview in a few days; it was like he was indirectly saying something to impatient people like me. The writer suggests Bible verses, examples of prayers, and prayer writing exercises as strategies to help you trust in God patiently, while including snippets from her own life struggles, too.

You will find relevant listings of Bible verses throughout the book. In the chapter “Wait,” for example, she espouses that love; joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance are the necessary traits which “…will keep us in good waiting form from now until eternity.” She then offers verses specifically addressing each of these qualities. She cites John 15:11, for example, as referring to joy: “These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.” Other verses allude to different qualities, and each chapter opens with a pertinent verse too.

Symphony Of Love Worship in Advancement

Symphony of Love Worship in Advancement Comes up Fri 19th Oriental Hotel @Orieintal hotel Lagos. It will be streamed live: www.livestream.com/sololine. For more info call 08072822144

Its gonna be AWESOME!!!

Is There Hope For My Marriage After Long Separation?

Like I have mentioned before on this site, I gathered a lot of examples of how not to run a marriage from my parents. One of the insights I got from them was the realities of separation.

There are several scenarios that might lead to a couple or one half of a couple to choose separation. If a husband or wife feels that they are living in intolerable and miserable conditions eg one spouse us verbally or physically abusive and all attempts to get counselling to improve the relationship have proved futile.

The other scenario is where there is a massive argument between a couple which might or might not have become physical and one spouse chooses to leave maybe as an attempt to let the dust settle and avoid further harm. Couples in this situation should use the separation interval as a time to reflect and prioritise and consider their duties and expectations of their spouse and not plan on the how to put an axe to the marriage finally.

Growing in Authenticity

If we are to authentically grow as Christians and build a strong relationship with the Father one of the first steps is to realise we must be totally honest with ourselves. 

Be honest. Know your patterns. Recognize your typical excuses, rationalizations and justifications for those besetting sins. As we do this we may come to realise why you read the devotional from January to December but deep down you know your Christmas service did not last till Easter and you experienced no meaningful and lasting change within. We are so quick to blame the enemy but sometimes our lack of introspection sabotages us. We can either see it like it is, or just live with the same old Christian routines and tired excuses and refuse to grow. 

I love what the scriptures in Psalm 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. David saw, more than ever, what an unclean heart he had, and sadly lamented it; but he sees it is not in his own power to amend it, and therefore begs God would create in him a clean heart. When we look at ourselves and acknowledge this change is necessary,when we desire renewal to holiness as much as the joy of salvation we can read the promise of God to that purpose, then begin to ask it. 

Help yourself by evaluating your life, behavior and thinking. Instead of asking whether the way you are living, behaving and thinking is "right," ask whether the way you are living, behaving and thinking is working out your salvation.

By Ijeoma Olujekun

11 Signs He Is A Potential Abuser

Sometimes ladies who wind up in abusive relationships say they never knew and he just suddenly changed and they think he will revert back to the man they once knew and loved. That doesn't usually happen because there is a particular pattern with abusive people the funny thing is that you might even find it endearing because we all love attention. If you are afraid that you or someone you love may be getting into an abusive situation, here are some signs to look for:

• Excessive and quick commitment to relationships: After just one week of talking and getting to know you he has declared his undying love and is talking marriage? C’mon son! Doesn't he know that we all put our best foots first when it comes to relationships? Perhaps he doesn't care because he knows he will whip you into shape when the time comes anyway. Usually you might notice a kind of dual personality. 

• Excessive monitoring: A man who checks your calls and makes sure the logs are complete to know that none of the calls were deleted then downloads a software to record your conversations and knows where you have been by checking your location using Google latitude is definitely a potential abuser.

• Isolation: He has a problem with all your friends. He wants you to dump them and your family she stay at arms length too? Yes, So that no one can hear you scream… just like a horror movie. They are insecure but presents a false sense of superiority

• Extremely possessive and jealous, confused with love: He is suspicious if you go anywhere without him and does not expect you to have any male friends at all even a call from an old highschool friend could get him really upset with you and accusing you of infidelity. 

• Control of all money: He wants all control of your money. Often an abuser will ask you to agree to quit the job you love if you want the marriage to go ahead. He wants your total dependence on him and him alone. 

• Name-calling and insults: When quarrels arise which is normal, they resort to getting really personal and demeaning jabs that are so bad they affect even your self esteem. This is usually evidence of poor communication skills.

• Threats against you, of suicide for failure to comply (emotional extortion): If you say you want to end the relationship and hes threatens to hunt you down and hurt you or hurt himself then he is certainly an abuser. This type of emotional extortion is characteristic of someone who has little he values over the control of another human being which he will do anything to maintain.

• Exhibits cruelty to animals or children: The bible says A righteous man has regard for the life of his animal, But even the compassion of the wicked is cruel proverbs 12: 10. They usually display this total lack of empathy towards others.

• Takes away choices such as food, fashion, social life: His has an extreme extreme sense of entitlement when it comes to your choices. He met you in the fitted shirt and chinos pants that look really good on you, now he wants you to wear only loose fitting gowns that stop at your ankles and your are not allowed to go to the art exhibitions that you love so much anymore and why should you like sweet snacks when he likes only savoury? On the one hand he wants to decrease the chances of other men admiring you, but on the other hand he enjoys the visual manifestation of his control over you. It usually all boils down to insecurity. 

• Chauvinism: When you start hearing “Women are so irrational and emotional!” Women can't think for themselves”,  “Women should only speak when spoken to” But usually with even more “colorful” language this should be considered a red flag.

• Blames the victim (“They made me do it”): An adult should never blame another person for their actions. If everything is blamed on provocation them he needs some lessons in self control. The victim mentality is a tool he will use similar to reverse psychology so that you become the one apologising.

Ladies, steer clear of abusive relationships.

Ijeoma Olujekun

Say Cheese!!! The Couple who won the Cinema Tickets!

Winner of the Temptation Movie Tickets, Kelechi kalu and her fiance before their movie...What a lovely couple... 

Kelechi Kalu and Covenant Relationships staff

Keep visiting Covenant Relationships...It Could be you...

When You Feel Like Giving Up

I like to think of myself as a resilient person. Having been through my fair share of adversity, being separated from my mother at 13, losing my father at 16, as well as some self inflicted adversity like walking all over the Balogun market for 5+ hours just to find the right shoes *sigh*

Despite this resilient nature, I occasionally find myself in a debate. It is at these times that I ask myself “Who am I?” “Where is my hope?”

Then I remember how my Mother recalled there was a salmonella outbreak in the 80s and I was miraculously saved from catching when all the children with my nanny had or how I safely delivered my child after I had almost not gone through with the emergency CS that saved my life and that of my daughter.

Life is Short...Let's make a Difference

It's Monday so I'm not going to inundate you with all of that mushy stuff that I love so much. Even if you are not a parent, you will know that the summer holidays have started and in September all many kids will have new textbooks, stationery school uniforms and maybe even a new school bag. 

Last week I was on my way out when it started raining and I bumped into this friend of mine  who I had lost touch with. She is part of this initiative called "Slum To School" which  helps kids from the slums of Makoko in Lagos get school books, bags, stationery and other school supplies. I have never actually been a part of it but I have always wanted to. So as we perched under my tiny umbrella and I saved her lovely weave from getting drenched in rain (wonder what she would have done if she hadn't bumped into me lol), I felt just as blessed by our meeting as she was.

It reminded me of when I was 19 and I started visiting a local orphanage. I couldn't really buy them things but I carried the little babies and toddlers and taught the older kids songs and told them stories. I thought I was a blessing then but boy was I wrong…These beautifully faced children of all shades and sizes brought tears to my eyes and they do now as I type. Their smiles and laughs and remarks as if they had all the love in the world brought me so much joy, they were a blessing to me.

My prayer is that many of us are choose to reach out this way. It is still July and school resumes in September, so you have time to budget time and resources. If you are single, this is a great way to get a feel of what its like to care for kids and if you have older children this is a fantastic way to expose them to social responsibility or shall I call it charity? If you are part of such a program, that helps orphans or other less privileged kids, do let us now. We would be pleased to promote it on the site so that others can make time out of their busy, or not so busy schedules to get involved.

Stay socially responsible!

By Ijeoma Olujekun

5 Reasons Couples Drift Apart And How To Get It Together

One of the most common problems couple's have, whether dating or married, is drifting apart. I have come across so many theories as to why this happens. Some people will say No, it's because they didn't take the time to do "couple" stuff. They didn't try and become interested in each other etc.From my observations these are the top 5 reasons couples drift apart and how to handle it.

1. Busyness: The prime enemy of intimacy. Don't let the business of life be all that you have in common. Get away from the lists of tasks and spend time with each other generating shared experiences. I have found both personally and by observation that relationships take work and they need tending to stay healthy and connected. It could be as simple as reading a book together, having a pedicure together or a scheduled movie night in your living room while the kids are sleeping. Set out time that is just for the two of you.

Husbands Who Won't Lead and Wives Who Won't Follow by James Walker (Review)

I first came across this book while I was with a woman I respect so much. I wrote about her in Delay does not mean denial  (by the way I think that is a MUST REad). I was impressed that a 59 year old woman was still studying how to improve on herself and her marriage.

This book teaches a whole lot. Helps husbands and wives understand their roles in marriage, the variation in their expectations, and what makes those expectations so different. That every family needs a leader. Consequently, wives may unavoidably take on responsibilities they'd rather not bear. The result? Resentment, and an emotional distancing that can sabotage an entire family system.

I Can't Take This Anymore! I'm getting A Puppy!!!

I can't take this anymore! I’m getting a puppy!!! Apparently this chick in my hostel was so tired of her relationship that she felt she would rather have a puppy than remain in that relationship and be frustrated and unhappy. I must say, I feel pretty sorry for the guy whose company has been forfeited for that of not just another man, but another species.

We've all come across those ladies or gentlemen who are forever chanting men are terrible, ladies are shallow, all men are cheats, all men are all sorts of things I cannot type on a Christian blog…

It is sad.

We have all felt let down by other people at some point in our lives. This is only exasperated by having unreasonable expectations and the belief that by those expectations being met they would somehow enhance enhance our lives.

I’ve been there, so I know that many of these expectations are often unreasonable. For one or more of the following reasons: 

1) I knew what I expected, but no one else knew or reasonably could have known;

2) I didn’t know what I expected, but I assumed I did

3) I expected things that conflicted with each other; or 

4) I expected too much.

While I was dating this ex of mine I expected him to be a stand-in for my parents. My dad was late and my mum was very far away. I craved that sense of security related to having them. And subconsciously, I was looking for someone to fill their shoes. He was the ideal candidate. He was around. He seemed interested in my welfare. And he happened to be naturally good at exactly the kind of things I was looking for at the time. So, I looked to him to fill the role of parental-figure in my life (yes, I had a lot of growing up to do).

I expected him to fill other roles as well. I wanted him to be there for me the way my sisters were. I wanted him to be there for me the way my girlfriends were. I expected him to mentor me regarding many aspects of my life. Be my bestie who would accompany me to 15 shops and then start all over again to find the perfect shoes (and admire all the others) at the best price. And be my world…

”Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed,” -Alexander Pope. 

We must get to a point in their lives where we examine our expectations and do some house cleaning.

Working with a smaller set of clearly defined and reasonable expectations is so much easier for you, your spouse and everyone else in your life. First, there is less to feel let down about. Second, the people in your life meet your reasonable expectations easily. So you feel let down much less.

When you do feel let down, ask yourself whether you are being reasonable. If the answer is no, please let it go, and don't feel bad for much longer. If the answer is yes, and the issue matters enough (it doesn't always), deal with it in whatever way is appropriate. Then, forgive. Then move on in peace and not in pieces.

Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help. (Psalm 146:3)

By Ijeoma Olujekun

A Winner Has Emerged!!!

Last week we published some questions for you to win two tickets to see Tyler Perry`s Temptation. I want to say a big thank you to those who participated. the correct answers were:

1. House and Grey's Anatomy
2. Janet Jackson and Jill Scott
3. Diary of a mad black woman
4. Orlando taking carrying Helen
5. Louisana
6. Tyler's mom

If you didn't win this time, don't dispair. Watch out for other competitions on Covenant Relationships.

Have a lovely day

Become a Contributor !

Covenant Relationships is geared toward enriching Relationships that have a special covenant - Between God & Wo(Man), Husband & Wife, Parent & Child and about helping each other learn by sharing everything that relates to the everyday ins and outs of relationships.

We’re always looking for new contributors at Covenant Relationships, so If you have an piece you would like us to publish on the site that will bless others do send it to ladyijd@yahoo.co.uk.

Remain blessed

Quit Having Imaginary Arguments... What Inner Peace can do for You.

"When a woman is angry she starts having this imaginary argument with you or a third party in her head." Some of you might recognise that quote from the Leke Adler piece we published last month on the tweets Letter to Jack, Letter to Jill. (Although I believe it is not only women who are guilty of this)

No wonder the bible says It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. (Proverbs 25:24)

How many times have we replayed incidents in our minds that had upset me us terribly? You are so hurt and angry about how it everything has unfolded. Who behaves that way? I would never have! No one in their right mind does. Then you get all self-righteous. Might even wonder what it would feel like to tell them off… then fantasize doing it. Then you imagine how that would go and feel a little vindicated. Then realizing that it hasn’t happened, and probably never would, you feel deflated and confused. And did I mention helpless? You wondered what you could do to make it different in the future. You try to make sense of it.

When Compassion Calls Will You Hang Up?

Recently I logged onto Facebook and saw a post from someone I know. She was venting about some things in her life that she wasn't happy about. Normally I would have felt inclined to write a private exhortation about how I had been there...etc. But, on this particular occasion I just said in my mind "Girl! Do you know what I have been through?" For now when Facebook asks “What's on your mind?” you better take that as a rhetorical question! 

Yeah, I know that wasn't so nice but I knew exactly how she felt because I have been there. I suppressed the desire to reach out because 1) I was in a hurry and 2) I felt it was a learning process and we are all being taught different lessons so I should just face my exam while she faces hers.

Simon and the Unnamed Woman -Part 2

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...The Pharisee could not believe what he was witnessing. How dare she? How dare He?! Did neither of them understand?? How could this woman come into his house? After he had done all the work and managed finally to get this Man away from the stifling crowds. After he had worked so hard at being just the right kind of person who could confidently and rightfully invite a person of Jesus’ standing into his home.

 Did this interloper really think he would let her get away with this nonsense? And what about this Guest of his? How could He allow her get within touching distance? Did He not know what kind of woman she was? Any true prophet worth his salt would know better. This was proof positive that this Jesus was in fact no prophet after all. Just as he probably was discreetly signaling one of his servants to remove the “embarrassment” from his home as speedily as possible, all the while making mental notes to fire whoever was in charge of ensuring that there were no undesirables at his gathering, Jesus turned and looked directly at him. It was as if time itself stood still. Jesus, for the first time in recorded scripture, addressed the Pharisee, not by title, but by name. “Simon,” He said, “I have something to say to you…” to which Simon responded “Master, say on.” Immediately apparent is the switch that had just occurred. In one move, Jesus had executed His masterstroke.

Simon And The Unnamed Woman -Part 1

This is the account of the age-old battle between the law and grace. A battle that Jesus came to end once and for all. We begin with a member of a group of people called the Pharisees. We see how one of them desired Jesus; which is a fascinating turn of events, because the Pharisees and Jesus were not exactly best friends at the time. This Pharisee however, was different from the rest. I had always been of the misconception that the person who invited Jesus into his house was just some random rich guy, similar perhaps to Zaccheus. I was wrong. There was nothing random about this story. Each cast member, unbeknownst to them, had been specifically selected for the role of a lifetime.

In order to get close enough to Jesus to even extend an invitation, the Pharisee would most probably have tracked His movements. He was not a hard Man to find, His miracles drew people to Him in untold numbers. No. The trick was finding Him alone . He probably secretly attended Jesus’ teachings, pondering all the while how best to reach Him. Something about this controversial Rabbi drew the Pharisee. Some unseen force propelled him. A persistent quiet voice in his ear constantly urging him to pursue this Man. He wanted…. No…needed to speak with Jesus one on one. 

One Apology You Might Have To Make Right Now

I am blessed to have had a very turbulent past. I went from sweetest kid in Sunday school to, troubled teen, to philosophic life-is-dark-and-bad and from that to a serial-dater who turned out to be a cross between Bridget Jones and Stewie Griffin from Family Guy (evidenced by one of my aliases StewyJones) who couldn't sing the Jesus Loves me song because her philosophy, so much information, no revelation side, felt it wasn't explicitly true in my specific case.

I think about all the guys I crushed under the weight of my need to be validated and saved because I thought Jesus couldn't save me entirely, and it makes me sad.

Christ died so that I could experience the ultimate validation in the presence of my creator and find grace to help me in time of need but I, like many others, just underrated that.

Dishwashing With "The Truth"

Spoken: Let me tell you why I love him

Chorus:

Cause he is the truth (John 14:6)

Said he is so real (1 Corinthians 15:17)

And I love the way that he makes me feel

And if I am a reflection of him (Genesis 1:27)

Then I must be fly (Psalm 139:14)

Because His light it shines so bright (Matthew 5:14)

I wouldn't lie, no 

-The Truth, by India Arie

I think this song could have been so better as a gospel song. I usually play the album "Voyage to India" while I was the dishes ( I hate washing dishes) but it makes the task so resplendent. But then I remember the inconvenient reality that my hands are in soapy water and my daughter is tugging at my leg because she wants to wash too and sadly she can't because she is only 19 months old and by the time she is old enough to, she will probably hate washes dishes just as much as I do.

What's a man's biggest fear in a relationship? Covenant court -Poll Results

Last week we asked how what you thought were a mans biggest fear in a relationship? 

Most of you feel that being broke is a man's worst fear and closely behind that ranks, the fear of commitment. perhaps its a combinatipon of all of these factors.

Investment Options For Children's Education

Many of us come from a background where our parents didn't set money aside for our education. Putting money aside for children's future education costs wasn’t the norm and often a luxury many people could not afford besides education wasn't half as expensive as it is today. Many wave it off and say “God will provide…” and surely He will. The need for access to higher education is an obvious one. With the increasing costs of college and university, many parents are looking for smart ways to save for their children's education. So, I have done some investigating and found ways many young couples, no matter your income can put some money aside for this cause.

1. Education Policy

Buy children education policy from a good insurance company with good partial maturity plans that can help you have access to fund without touching your normal income to continue their schooling and total maturity when they eventually gain university admission.

2.Stocks

(For at least five years) buy and hold like 3 or 4 presently undervalued stocks on the stock exchange in food/beverages, banking, or petroleum sectors. Make sure such company has good dividends/bonus track record and they are fully multinational in nature and as old as 30 years.

Win Movie tickets to See Tyler Perry's Temptation

We are giving away two movie tickets to the couple who can answer all of the questions correctly.

1. Which series did the star of Temptations (Journee Smolett-Bell) Star in?

• House
• Grey's Anatomy
• The Practice
• A and B above
• All of the above

2. What two singers stars in the movie Why Did I get Married?

• Eruka Badu and Janet Jackson
• Janet Jackson and Jill Scott
• Maya and Jill Scott

3. What was the first MOVIE Tyler Perry directed?

• Why Did I Get Married
• Diary of a Mad Black Women
• Madea's Family Reunion
• Madea's Christmas

4. How does The Diary of a Mad Black Woman the MOVIE end?

• Tiffany singing in church
• Everyone at the lunch table
• Orlando taking carrying Helen
• Helen and Charles kissing

5.Where is Tyler Perry originally from?

• LA
• ATL
• Louisiana
• Texas

6. Who is Madea based on?

• Tyler's mom
• Tyler's grandmother
• Both A and B
• Tyler Perry's Fantasy
• His Ex-girlfriend

All answers should be sent to ladyijd@yahoo.co.uk

*You must be subscribed to Covenant Relationships to participate and you should be available to watch the movie in Lagos Nigeria.

Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor- Movie Review

I am a massive Tyler Perry fan so you just have to see Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor is a compelling love story that dives straight into the heart of obsessive passion. It's about a woman -Judith, played by Journee Smolett-Bell (she is such a good actress) who starts to get restless in her relationship and her choice to be with another man has a huge effect on the rest of her life. Yes, I know it sounds very cliche but I'm sure you will enjoy it.

It's a bold exploration of the perils and complications of infidelity, the film accurately portrays how people can become way too comfortable in their relationships and how temptation can set in when everything is dull. Tyler really understands understand how the stability of a healthy relationship can be threatened by complacency and indifference.

New Internet Enabled Pillow? Or Intimate Enabled Lifestyle?

I came across an article about this new internet enabled pillow for couples in long distance relationships which glows when one partner lays his/her head on it it and lights up the other persons pillow, it lets you hear each other's heartbeats by plugging in earphones and basically tries to simulate an intimate interaction between people that might be in totally different continents (I'm sure you get the picture).  

This got me thinking of how much we take our loved ones for granted. Hubby might just upset you and you give the silent treatment, wifey might get back from a long trip and you realise that is the first time you've hugged in ages, we might not remember to hold the hands of our old parents (if they are into that sort of thing) till they are laying in state or just sit and listen to their long stories of recollections of the 1960s.

Maintaining a Successful Relationship by Dr. Phil

Five and a half years into their marriage, Stacy and Chris, a Dr. Phil Family, ask for help rebuilding their union. Dr. Phil offers this advice. 

Have a solid friendship.

"Ask yourself what kind of friend you are being to your mate," Dr. Phil says. He asks Chris and Stacy what they enjoy doing with their friends, whether it be talking about silly things or sharing a good joke together. He then advises them to apply that same openness to their own relationship. "If you want a good friend, be a good friend," he suggests.

Meet each others' needs.

"The success of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it meets the needs of two people," Dr. Phil explains. He tells Chris that he needs to discover what Stacy's needs are. "Maybe she needs a soft place to fall that day or she needs a shoulder to cry on," he says. He tells Stacy that she doesn't always need to agree with her husband, but she should figure out his needs, whether it's saying that she's proud of him, or that he looks nice that day.

Set specific goals.

"Wake up each morning and say, 'What can I do today to advance the ball?'" Dr. Phil advises. Even small things will accumulate over time and make a difference. Find a quiet moment each day and come up with a specific goal to improve your relationship, whether it's calling your spouse during the day just to say hi, or telling your mate that you love him or her more often. Make a conscious effort.

Practicing the Principles of Discipline by Kellie Copeland Swisher

No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening…. But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.Hebrews 12:11, 

Isn't parenting wonderful? I can honestly say that I have loved being a mother at every stage of my children’s lives—from infancy through college. In raising all four of them, I've learned an important truth: God’s grace is sufficient, no matter how old our children are. He always gives us the wisdom we need.

James 1:5 says, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” That’s a great scripture for parents. We’re not asking for wisdom from someone who won’t give it. God says, Ask and I’ll give you more than you need. The Amplified Bible says, “Ask of the giving God.”

I recently asked the Lord what He thought about parenting, and He said something surprising: I want to help, but My people won’t let Me. They close the door on My wisdom and grace.

Golden Pieces of Advice for Mothers from Mothers

When I gave birth to my daughter I was given so much unsolicited parenting advice that my husbands best friend had to advise me to bear with all the advisors and follow my instinct. So in keeping with the trend, here is a list of advice for new mums that I think is very precious and should be inculcated such that it becomes instinct.

1. Just when you think you cannot take ‘it’ (no sleep, tantrums, whining) anymore, they stop and bring on something new. Just ride it out and enjoy the good, knowing that the other annoyances will pass.

2. Everything is temporary…they won't go down the aisle in diapers 

3. Leave the tooth alone. It will come out when it’s ready. This advice has a deeper meaning that can be applied to many mothering moments.

4. Don't make sleep a goal. Just enjoy it when you can get it. Constantly hoping and expecting sleep will make you miserable. Instead, just sleep when I can. It will make a huge difference to your sanity.

After Earth -The review

Movie Info

A crash landing leaves teenager Kitai Raige (Jaden Smith) and his legendary father Cypher (Will Smith) stranded on Earth, 1,000 years after cataclysmic events forced humanity's escape. With Cypher critically injured, Kitai must embark on a perilous journey to signal for help, facing uncharted terrain, evolved animal species that now rule the planet, and an unstoppable alien creature that escaped during the crash. Father and son must learn to work together and trust one another if they want any chance of returning home.


Despite all the uncharitable...no, awful reviews and press this film has gotten I just had to see it. I saw the trailer and it looked amazing, I wanted to see it and no false press is gonna stop me. Many think the film really is just one giant vanity project for Will Smith's ego(And a vehicle to promote his son and show the world the sheer talent) well who cares. I strongly believe its just that

14 Red flags Men Should Look Out for in Relationships -By Brett & Kate McKay

Below are some of the common red flags that researchers and therapists recommend you look for in a relationship.

1. She’s a self-proclaimed “Drama Queen.” Beware of women who not only proclaim themselves to be Drama Queens, but also revel in the role. Drama Queens often swing from one emotional extreme to another; when life seems a little boring or flat, they’ll go out of their way to stir up a controversy. They’re often impulsive and demand to be the center of attention all the time. What’s interesting is that Drama Queendom isn’t just a character defect, it could actually be a psychological disorder called “histrionic personality disorder
.” Who knew? Drama Queens can be very alluring and attractive in the beginning of the relationship because of their seemingly outgoing and often seductive personalities. But the shtick gets old after a while and constant drama in a long-term relationship just makes people miserable.

Time to Get Your Light Back

I will not make this too long because its the first of the month and I know you have things to do.

Last night there was a crazy storm. It rained and rained and rained some more. So much so that the power went out some houses on my street still had power (if you've visited Nigeria you would be familiar with  this). Some times the power company  does  that to protect equipment and sometimes you just have to switch phase so you can get your lights back on like other houses.

While trying to get over the "light envy" I got thinking about a dear young lady who wrote to us about not being able to give her heart to anyone else after she lost her fiance in an accident a week before their wedding.

One thing that is common to us all is that, like houses we will all go through  or  have been through a storm and we are all affected differently.  Sometimes our power as people shuts down like the circuit breaker to protect us from further trauma. But just because they  go off, doesn't mean they need to stay off. experiences effect  us differently so while some houses have power all through the storm, some wont.