Do you trust your husband?

I spent some time talking with a close friend recently on his wife’s compulsive attitude to her business. He was getting worried that his wife had now placed her business as the first in her order of priorities. He couldn’t understand where the energy was coming from. She was spending an inordinate amount of time on her business to the detriment of her family and her God. He even told me that he was the one that set up the business for her so that she would not be bored but he didn’t know it would turn out to be this way. And this has been on for over 2 years.

I listened to him with rapt attention forgetting that I was the one that phoned him. I didn’t mind ‘burning my credit’ because I owed it to my friend to listen and proffer some advice. He is a good friend and I love his family. He is rich and I know that he can afford to take care of his family without the wife lifting a finger to work.

I then asked him some questions; “what do you think your wife is trying to prove?” Does she have faith in you? Does she think she needs to build a war chest while she can lest she be thrown out in the cold when there is a problem in the home or when you pass away? Do you think she trusts you? Does she think you have someone else somewhere?”

He replied that she didn’t have to think about that. He claimed that she was the next- of- kin in all his documents. She was on the Board of Directors of all his companies. Even the title deeds of all their properties bore his and her names and were written as Mr. (husband’s first name) and Mrs. (wife’s first name) (Surname); not just Mr. and Mrs. (husband’s first name) Surname. This was because he wanted the world to know it was his wife that was the Mrs. and no other woman.

He said he had tried to assist her in the business by getting some competent people to help out but she would always sack them and take over again. Now he felt he would pray for her and leave her to get to the point when she would realize that she didn’t have to do all this to prove anything to him.

Now a lot more was discussed but I brought up this scenario to bring out some salient points about "Trust" in a marriage.

Trust is very important in a marriage. Where there is no trust, the marriage would be racked with many woes and troubles. There must be trust in God, trust in your husband and the institution called marriage.   Trust in God should stem from the fact that a marriage built on the solid Rock can never be toppled.

Though there may be storms and tornadoes, the Lord God will still see you through. Though man is not perfect, you should trust your husband to be your husband to love and take care of you forever.

This trust in your husband may be affected if you, as a woman, enter into a marriage with some preconceived, harmful notions.

Some of these harmful programs are listed below:

a)      “I am defined by my career, not my family”. Some women put their careers over their marriages and families. Yes, even though you should be passionate about your career, you should realize it should not be at the detriment of the very important things of life. The Godly order should be in the order of permanence as ordained – God, your husband, your children and lastly your work. This is the right order. Anything contrary would be against God’s will.

b)      “All men are dogs and cannot be trusted”. Some women think that men will always stray whether they are born again or not. So they expect their husbands to commit adultery. This is based on their past experiences, the stories from friends and “Nollywood” & “Hollywood” home videos and their parents’ experiences. So when a husband says that the wife should relieve herself of some of the household chores by getting a house help, they are adamant that it would not be a female house-help because the husband might sleep with the house-help. Some women can’t even handle it if their husbands stay late at work if they have female Personal Assistants or Executive Assistants. Their minds wander thinking something might happen. Some women go through their husbands’ phones apparently looking for and expecting to find some strange female names and numbers. All these are destructive and show an apparent lack of trust in your husband.

c)       “I need to build my own economic war-chest”. Women who grew up in polygamous homes tend to think they would have to fend for themselves so they consciously or unconsciously build up economic war-chests to take care of themselves and their children just in case the husband dies or another woman appears on the scene. This issue also crops up when the couple talks about the household income. Some women cannot tell their husbands how much they earn. They always want to keep something for the rainy day.

d)      “Strong Maternal Influence”. Some women allow their mothers to influence them in thinking that they should be independent of their husbands. This often occurs in a home where the woman grows up seeing the mother as the breadwinner of the home or where the mother was the only parent they knew (father being economically or physically absent).

If you notice that you have a problem with trusting your husband, you need to consider it deeply and pray about it. Find out why you have that problem and deal with it spiritually and discuss it with your husband too. Expect your husband to be a good man and expect to have a wonderful marriage.

Understand that the following holds true in your marriage as a born again Christian. (I expect that husband and wife are equally yoked and are born again Christians)

1.       Your marriage is founded on God. The relationship of husband and wife is like that of Christ and the Church. No man or spirit is allowed tamper with this union. Woe to that external person who tries to bring problems into a marriage

2.       Your husband’s role is to take care of you. Your husband, being a born-again believer, knows that it is his duty to take care of you and the children. If he doesn’t, he knows he is worse than an infidel. The husband is duty bound to love you as his wife even as he loves himself.

3.       Ask and you shall receive. Whatever you ask for and confess, you shall have in your marriage. This holds true; good or bad. So confess peace, trust, tranquility in your marriage and you shall have it abundantly.

Stay blessed.