"Jumping the Broom" The 3rd production movie by T.D. Jakes.

I went to the cinema last weekend with my wife to watch “Jumping the Broom”, currently showing at the cinemas in Nigeria. I was interested because I heard that Pastor T.D. Jakes was involved in it and that film was about marriage. He is one of the producers of the film and he makes a cameo appearance too.  In my mind, I felt it would be like one of the Tyler Perry’s earlier movies – Why did I get married? , e.t.c. I have a soft spot for African American films and marriage.

This is the third production effort of Pastor T.D. Jakes. Pastor T.D. Jakes is the founding pastor of The Potter’s House in Dallas. Other films produced by Pastor T.D. Jakes, include 2004’s “Woman, thou art loosed” and 2009's “Not Easily Broken”. “Jumping the Broom” is a wedding story which involves two people from different backgrounds. Chaos ensues when the two families are brought together for the big day.  In this case, the difference between the families is class.   I would stop here so that I do not spoil the fun for those who haven’t watched it.

The cast is made up of well-known stars like Angela Bassett [Nothing But the Truth], Loretta Devine [Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family], Laz Alonso, Avatar.

Well, first up, this is not a film for children hence its rating, PG -13 because of its sexual connotation. I was a bit embarrassed about some of the scenes because I didn’t think it was appropriate. But it is typical of our world today and it brings up issues that Christians know about but are not willing to talk about it. It certainly would draw non-Christians unwittingly into thinking about Christian way of dealing with issues.

Pastor T.D. Jakes

Sex is ever-present in this film both as a plot line and a topic of conversation. The movie begins with a scene of lead actress, Sabrina Watson (Paula Patton) after having casual sex. Ooops! A sultry rendition of Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing” by one of the cast members was almost uncomfortable for me. To some movie goers, this scene might be seen as permissible since the song was approved/applauded and seen as a reminder of one of America’s late, great musicians. Another interesting plot is a college boy’s pursuit of a much older woman which is played for laughs. I thought it gave an approval to the “Cougar” mentality.

To the opening scene, Pastor Jakes says he wanted to portray that although our goal should always be the pursuit to becoming better humans, people will make mistakes on the way.

Overall, it is a surprisingly touching and sincere comedy for mature audiences.

By the way, for those who don’t know, “Jumping the broom” refers to a tradition from slave days, when those who did not have the legal right to marry marked their commitment to each other by a ceremonial hop over a broom.

Go out and see the movie.

For those who have watched the movie, what do you think?

The role of a Father in Generational Succession - Wale Adefarasin

This is an interesting piece by Wale Adefarasin. Wale Adefarasin is the Host of international Talk Show, The Heart of the Matter, which airs every Sunday at 5:30pm on HiNolly (also Sky Broadcasting Channel 204); He is also the Chairman of the Center for Values & Social Change, as well as the General Overseer of Guiding Light Assembly.


An except....


.......Most importantly, a Father is one who is determined to bequeath a legacy to successive generations, who is prepared to pass on all he has to those coming behind him so that they can achieve more than he has.

In the final words of the Old Testament, God through Prophet Malachi (Malachi 4:5-6) warns that the earth will be smitten with a curse unless there is a restoration of Fatherhood; a turning of the hearts (not just the heads) towards each other.......

Please click on the the link below and read more.

http://blog.tariere.com/?p=1945

I know you are married but still do the PIES

Many Christian women (and men) often neglect to take care of themselves after marriage. They believe their spouses should only be focused on spiritual matters and shouldn't be bothered about their physical looks. WRONG!!!

Even though we are spirit beings, we still live in a physical world. Take time out to make yourself attractive physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually (PIES). The husband has no right to have large, round, protruding belly, saying it is a sign of wealth when he could be a hunk for his wife showing her his three-pack. She should be able to look up to him as her knight in shining armour, not the court jester. The husband should be fit and smart. While the wife should not let herself go, putting on weight and blaming it on childbirth.  She should be smart, fit and good looking. Let your king be enthralled by your beauty; honour him, for he is your Lord. (Psalm 45:11). I am not saying we should spend an inordinate time caring about how we look. But we should take good care of our physical bodies and our looks. It is not vain; it is expedient.

Be as attractive as you can be for yourself and your spouse.

I don't need a man to have a child. - "The Switch" starring Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman

I may seem old fashioned but this trend is now a normal tradition in the African culture. I met a lady friend a while ago who said that she was going away for sometime, specifically a year. She casually said she was going to have a baby. But I blurted out unconsciously, "But you are not married. Are you going to adopt a child? She replied casually that she was going to a sperm bank.

She said she was getting old and she was tired of waiting for marriage and she needed someone to be with her in her old age. My mind immediately drifted back to a film I watched recently titled "The Switch" starring Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman. In this film, Jennifer Aniston acting as Kassie Larson decides she wants to have a baby and decides to do it alone with the services of a sperm donor. But one thing led to another and Jason Bateman acting as Wally Mars accidentally switches the sperm. Even though it was a comedy, the whole scenario played out as a normal scene in everyday life.

In this film, there was really no problem with Jennifer having a child but she just decided she was going to do it alone, and raise the child alone. My friend felt justified that she wasn't doing anything morally or spiritually wrong. She wasn't a practising Christian and I just wondered if she knew what she was getting into - spiritually and what would become of the child she was going to bring into the world WITHOUT a father. Since she didn't have a relationship with God, she wasn't going to believe God for a husband and moreover, she was past her "prime". She felt if it was condoned in the western culture, she was essentially moving with the modern times. But there is a reason why the Almighty God saw it fit to recognize marriage as a sacred institution and the raising up of a child in the care of a home and two parents. We are not wiser than God.

I think we owe it to the unborn generation to give them the right homely condition. Every child deserves to have a father and a mother.

Honour your father and mother so that you may live long.....What if you don't feel like?

The relationship between an individual and his/her parents is a very delicate one which extends through the individual's lifetime. It starts with the individual being taken care of by his/her parents and is expected to also reciprocate when the parents are old. 

As a child you take it for granted that your parents should take care of you because, after all, they brought you into this world without your consent. They should also feed you and nurture you to be the best that you can be. 

But wait a minute, what if they do not carry out their parenting duties; what if they do not show you the love that you "deserve"; what if they see you as a burden, a cost centre; what if you don't see eye to eye with them and you are just waiting to grow up to get out of the house and live your own life. So that you can shut them out equally. Is this right? Exodus 20:12 would certainly pose a great dilemma trying to walk the Christian walk. 

This is one commandment with a promise proposed by God. 

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. 

What if you don't feel like?  

The Christian Wife and her Unsaved Husband

How do you feel coming to church alone with the children? And your husband is at home sleeping? Do you feel burdened because you have been praying for him to get born again and it seems he is getting further away from the Lord? How do u you feel when he teases you about your faith and you cannot do anything about it? What about the church programmes for couples that you cannot attend because he refuses to go with you? Or even the remarks from Church that "if you ladies with unsaved husbands would just be more sweet and loving, your husbands would get born again in no time."

Do not feel alone. God is still with you. You may have entered the marriage thinking that you could change your spouse or get him born again. Or you may have gotten born again after your marriage and you can't understand why he cannot see the light. Don't give up, there is hope. Press on. 

Do Christians need pre-nups?

After the presentations at the Covenant Christian Centre’s Singles Summit  held recently, it was now time for questions and answers. A guy came up to the microphone and asked “Do Christians need pre-nups? “ Even though the question was presented to the three couples that made the presentations, I was nominated to answer. Impulsively, I blurted No way. Why should a Christian think of Pre-nups? The premise of a pre-nup is wrong. But before I go on, What is a pre-nup? According to the definition obtained from Wikipedia,  A pre-nuptial agreement, antenuptial agreement, or premarital agreement, commonly abbreviated to pre-nup or pre-nupt, is a contract entered into prior to marriage, civil union or any other agreement prior to the main agreement by the people intending to marry or contract with each other. The content of a prenuptial agreement can vary widely, but commonly includes provisions for division of property and spousal support in the event of divorce or breakup of marriage. They may also include terms for the forfeiture of assets as a result of divorce on the grounds of adultery; further conditions of guardianship may be included as well.  Though the pre-nup seems to have been created with good worldly intentions, the bedrock is totally wrong. The pre-nup undermines a couple’s marriage and may even increase the likelihood of divorce. Jesus had the following words to say when he was asked about divorce (Matthew 19:3-10).

³ Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”   ⁴ “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’^[a] 5and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”  ⁷ “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”  ⁸ Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. ⁹ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”  ¹⁰ The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

Clearly Jesus was and is still against divorce. When a couple thinks of a pre-nup, they have embraced divorce and opened the door for the Evil one to enter into the marriage. Unwittingly, unconsciously they have embraced the phrase - For better, for stay; For worse, for go.

Why do secular people ask for pre-nups? Two basic reasons account for this – wealth protection and related party’s protection.

Wealth Protection – When a partner brings a lot of wealth into a marriage and the other does not, those that are pro-prenups say a pre-nup helps to protect the one bringing the wealth. However my own point of view is that if the wealthy partner is thinking of his/her wealth before marriage, he does not trust his/her spouse and is not ready to embrace the oneness in marriage.

Related Party’s Protection – A premarital agreement can protect the inheritance rights of children and grandchildren from a previous marriage. My view is that there are other legal ways of protecting the children without a pre-nuptial.

I must reiterate that The Creator said that the Two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. A pre-nuptial opens the door for a way out.

Shalom

Planting Seeds for Stronger Families - The Singles Summit powered by Covenant Christian Centre - February 19th 2011

I will like to invite my unmarried readers to the Singles Summit where my wife and I will be speaking on the “Pre-requisites for a successful marriage”.

The Singles' Summit is an initiative of Covenant Christian Centre. The aim of The Singles' Summit is to shed Biblical light on relationships and make clearer the path that God would have us tread as Christian singles living in the 21st century.

The Interactive Forums Edition of the Singles Summit slated to hold on Saturday 19 February 2010 is aimed at creating an opportunity for every single to interact with individuals who have experienced what we all go through in our various relationships on a down-to-earth basis. It is a multiple-venue event which means that different topics are spread among different facilitators in the five (5) different venues.

In order to be at the venue where your topic(s) of interest will be discussed, it is imperative to pre-register and get a seat reserved for you. However, you can only register to be at one venue only.

Here are further details about the Venues, Topics, and Speakers:

KNOT CENTRE
*God’s agenda for an individual as regards Love and Relationship – Dr. Tope & Dr. Yewande Oshodi
*A practical guide to relationship and marriage (Special focus on ATTRACTION)- Otome Nkem Oyo
*Genotype compatibility and its mitigating effect on “Happily Ever After” 9Focus on sickle cell anaemia –Taiwo Osijo

LAGOON RESTAURANT (Hall 1)
*Earthen vessels: Discovering what lies beyond the physical attributes of an individual – Obinna & Ifeoma Abajue
*Pre-requisites for a successful marriage – Francis & Remi Ebuehi
*Supporting your Spouse’s vision – Gbenga & Bolanle Shobowale

LAGOON RESTAURANT (Hall 2) 
*How to make your marriage work (Focus on Handling in-laws) – Harold & Valerie Obasohan
*Creating strong Financial Independence as a basis for a blissful marriage – Solomon Edun
*Submission in marriage (The woman’s support function that sustains her marriage) – Esther Edun

PLANET 1, Maryland, Ikeja, Lagos
*Communication and anger management in marriage – Michael Adesanmi
*Balancing family life, Career and workplace issues – Titi Adesanmi
*Securing your relationship/marriage against destruction when trouble arises – Wole Oludemi
*Factors to consider before saying “I DO” – Yemisi Odelola

SHELL HALL, MUSON CENTRE
*Bracing up for a blissful marriage – Yinka Odeyemi
*Compatibility and attraction (The Pros and Cons) – Pastor Poju Oyemade
*Basic principles for a harmonious relationship – Lanre Olushola
*Knowing what you really want – Lara Adio

So, if you want to register, just click this link!

See you there.

Do you mind if your wife is richer (or more prominent) than you?

Since the birth of civilization, the male species has been celebrated as the head of the house. As the Bible says, Adam was created first out of dust while Eve was created out of Adam’s rib. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden, God questioned Adam rather than Eve because He kept him in charge of Eden.

The Bible goes further to say that “A man who can not take care of his family is worse than an infidel”. This automatically assumes that the man is supposed to provide for his family and this includes his wife. Now what happens if the woman of the house is more prominent than the man, should there be any problem?

Should your siblings stay with you when you are married? - Part 2

Cont’d from last blog. – Read last blog

I will like to share some of the realities that you will face now that you are married and a sibling wants to stay with you.

1.       When you get married to your spouse, you need to embrace your spouse’s family. However family will be defined by the spouse. However, both of you need to know that not every family member need be embraced. Relationships need to be defined and mutually considered and agreed within reasonable boundaries

2.       If the man’s siblings have to stay in the house, the man has to explain to his siblings that all must know that the woman (wife) is the head of the home. The siblings do not have a right to go into the kitchen to cook any other dish apart from the stated family menu without the consent of the woman.

3.       The man’s siblings need to respect the woman of the house even if she is younger than the siblings. It is her home.

4.       The woman must realize that with the power comes responsibility. She should not use this power to manipulate or oppress the man’s siblings. Do not give the siblings the remains after the main dish has been served. They should eat what has been prepared for the family.

5.       The siblings MUST partake in taking care of the household chores without being told. The sibling should also not see the stay as living in a hotel. They should offer to cook, iron clothes, wash the car and actually do these chores if allowed. Now be prepared that the wife may not want you (the sibling) to increase your relevance in the house so that she has to depend on you. But persist. Make yourself relevant so that she does not feel that you are a “layabout”.

6.       Siblings must realize that the rules applicable in the house apply to them too. E.g. curfew; e.t.c

7.       The couple should discuss the increase in household expenses due to the extra person staying in the house. The Head of the house should realise that there would be increase in cost and therefore provide for this increase. i.e. Cornflakes, sugar, chocolate e.t.c

8.       Lastly, as much as possible, all parties must try and make the stay as brief as possible but within considerable limits. It helps all parties involved.

I will end with the same closing remarks that we must be prepared for any eventuality and we must realize that anything can happen but let God take control. 

Should your siblings stay with you when you are married?

It’s a new year; a new dawn. This is my first blog this year (not counting my new year blog). Today, I will like to discuss the issue of siblings staying with a newly wed couple. What do you think? Is it permissible or an absolute “No”? Comments are welcome.

When I joined the marriage train in 1998, I agreed with my wife that for the first few years, no sibling would reside with us. We wanted the time to get to know each other. We wanted to go around the house – naked and not ashamed; just like Adam and Eve in the garden before they fell. We wanted the experience the joy of the adventure; two lovebirds marooned on an island; just the two of us. We felt we would resist any advance from any sibling nursing the idea that he or she would come live with us; free from the prying eyes of Daddy and Mummy.

Well, we got our wish - at least for some months. Let me paint a clearer picture of the whole situation. My wife and I are the eldest children of our families. We each had 4 siblings each. When we got married, my parents-in-law were alive. My father was alive but my mother had died before the wedding.

My last sibling (still in the University of Benin) was living with my father in Benin while I was in Lagos with my new wife. Then 2 separate incidents happened within a few months apart. My only sister just finished youth service in one of the northern states and was thinking of coming to Lagos to get a job. My father died and my youngest sibling could not be left all alone in Benin. My father’s death now made me the “father” of the family. What could I do and what did I do? I could have stuck to my guns and rented a house for the two of them in Lagos but that would have been expensive and regarded as callous and insensitive by the extended family members. But I thought to myself  - here I was thinking I wasn’t going to allow any of my siblings or my wife siblings stay with us for the first few years so as to enjoy our intimacy. But I now had this situation – two siblings from my family. Now, I can’t remember whether I actually sat down with my wife to actually discuss the merits and demerits of taking them in; whether I did a business case or a strategic imperative analysis. Well I may have assumed that my wife would naturally agree seeing that I could not leave my siblings stranded. But I thank God that she understood the special circumstances and it was not a major issue. I wonder what would have happened if it was her own siblings. Would I have been so understanding?

Well the moral of today’s blog is “never say never”. Anything can happen in Life and in Marriage. God will give you the grace to cope with any situation or circumstances. So don’t rule out any sibling coming to stay provided it is for a genuine reason and don’t make a fuss about it. Now did we have issues? Yes. Was it all rosy? No. There were good times and not so good times but God gave us the grace.

I will discuss more about this in the next blog.

Stay blessed.

New Direction - Marriage, Family and Relationships

Hi all,

I took some time off to ponder on my writings; to ascertain if I was actually talking about all the issues I wanted to talk about. I found the issue of marriage too restrictive. I realised that I would have preferred to talk about other kinds of relationships also e.g. relationships between father and son; mother and daughter; God and man and also between siblings. (Currently studying the relationship between God and Man as portrayed in the book of Job)

I have come to the conclusion that I would expand my territory to include family and relationships in general. So henceforth, I will be talking about Marriage, Family and Relationships.

I will also publish my blogs once a week; every Thursday. Unfailingly.

So watch out for the first blog of the year next week, the 13th of January 2011.

Happy New Year to everyone that has been following and has gained a great deal from the blogs

Shalom

Francis