Having said all that, I personally know a number of brothers who have never viewed pornography regularly and some who have never viewed it at all. Still, as a practical and statistical matter, a single Christian woman looking to marry may well have to contend with a current or past struggle with pornography in the man she considers marrying.
Is an addiction to pornography impossible (or nearly impossible) to overcome? No. Like most sins – especially those that grow to operate like an addiction – abandoning the use of pornography can be very difficult to overcome, but no sin is impossible to overcome with God. God's Word tells us in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that "no temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." We will never be perfect in this life, but if we have the Holy Spirit in us, the Bible tells us we can fight any sin and have real victory with God's help.
Much will depend on what a man is willing to do to be pure. Is he willing to be in regular accountability with another brother or brothers on this topic? Is he willing to have his computers/smartphone monitored by others? Is he willing to get counseling with a pastor or counselor who can help him fight that sin and the addiction to it and the heart issues that contribute to it? The bottom line is this: Many, many men overcome a sinful addiction to pornography, go on to have lasting victory in this area, and go on to have godly, God-glorifying marriages. It can be done, and it is regularly done.
How does this issue affect dating decisions? There will certainly be differing views here, but let me offer what I and others I trust believe to be some wise principles. First, I would normally not counsel a single woman to agree to date a man who is currently in the throes of a full-on pornography addiction. If he means to marry you and to honor your marriage covenant, he must be fighting the good fight and seeing significant victory, though not necessarily perfection. As a rough guide, one-off stumbles should be measured in months or years, not days or weeks.
Also, as a single woman dating a man who is fighting pornography, it is not your job to keep him accountable, and it is unwise and unfair for him to ask you to do it. If he is serious about fighting the sin and honoring you, he will be in regular accountability with a brother or brothers who know him well.
What if, as may well be the case, you are deep into a relationship, or even engaged, before you find out about the guy's struggle? Again, there's no single answer here. Remember that as those who have been forgiven in Christ, we can never withhold forgiveness from another. We are to forgive those who sin against us as Christ forgave us. Full stop.
Apart from forgiveness, however, your practical decision (made in consultation with a pastor or others whose wisdom and godliness you trust) about whether to move forward in the relationship should depend on factors like his level of victory over this particular sin, his commitment to the fight, and what you see in his character and godliness apart from this issue. We all sin, but how has he responded to his sin? Remember that as your husband, that man will be called to daily sacrifice himself for your spiritual good (Ephesians 5:25-27). Ask yourself whether his handling of this struggle gives you more or less confidence in his commitment and ability to do that.
I'm afraid nothing I can say here will change the fact that negotiating the minefield of pornography's effects is tough territory for both single women and single men. But the Lord is faithful. He overcomes this and more in the lives of His people every day. I will pray that he does so for you.
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