How to put the flame of passion back into your marriage? - Angela Harris

As I began to answer this question, I wondered how to best approach this subject. Then God spoke to me -  He said, “Look, it’s quite simple. Esteem others before yourself. It is better to give than to receive,” reminding me of the definition of love. 

We need to understand first what true unconditional love is. Love is patient, love is kind, and it is not jealous. Love does not brag, is not arrogant, and does not act unbecoming. It does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, it does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails. Why are these things significant? That is a very important question.

In our very nature (in our flesh), we have a tendency to think about what we want while overlooking those around us, giving no thought to what they may want. Many people, especially women, view Valentine’s Day as their day. They place the onus on their spouse to put forth the effort necessary to make this a romantic day. Of course, if the spouse gets a little something out of it, a roll in the hay, then so be it. As Christians and individuals we should always esteem others before themselves. 

Ladies, I would submit that your first efforts to esteem, after God of course, are towards your husband. Only you can answer this question. Do you esteem your husband? Does your husband feel like the most important person in your life, when in your presence? Do you value him? Do you remind him on a daily basis how handsome he is? How blessed you are to have him as a husband, a friend, and if children, what a great father he is? Someone right now is saying, “she must be crazy, my husband is none of those things.” That may be the case, the question goes to you - do you speak death or life into your household?

So how do you put the flame back into your marriage? Esteem your husband! Give thought to his hopes, fears and desires and feed them with love, patience, kindness and encouragement. Deal with his inner man and meet the needs he secretly craves. Remind yourself as to what attracted you to your husband before you married him. What did you do to please him that you may no longer be doing? That is where you begin to re-ignite the flame that means so much to you. We may age and our desires may temper but that does not negate our responsibility to pay close attention to our husbands and continue to look for ways to keep our marriage exciting.

Now that we have dealt with your husband’s inner heart, let’s deal with his external part, his natural animal instinct. Men have a sexual drive. To discount that would be remiss and absolutely ludicrous on our part. Sex and those things that stimulate the sexual senses are a reality in the union designed by God. If God says it’s a good thing, who are we to disagree? I will not be presumptuous to assume that all men would appreciate their wives taking a trip to Victoria’s Secret to purchase lingerie with him in mind, but I don’t think anyone would be disappointed. Believe it or not, this is one way of esteeming your husband. What turns your husband on? Make today the beginning of lighting that flame. However, don’t stop there. Continue to seek those things that please your husband every day of the year.

Besides Victoria Secret, here are some things you can do to re-ignite the flame in your marriage. Of course this list is not exhaustive. You must add to it on a regular basis always seeking your husband’s pleasure.

• Rent a movie he enjoys and sit through it with enthusiasm. 
• Prepare his favorite meal and serve it to him in a romantic atmosphere he would appreciate. 
• Send flowers to him on his job with an extremely intimate promise of the night’s events. 
• Put a note in his brief case, lunch box, or wherever he is sure to find it letting him know how much you love him and how happy you are that he is your husband and your friend. 
• Make arrangements for your children to be someplace else. It is important for you and your husband to spend quality time away from your children. Though your children are an extension of you, they are not the replacement of your relationship as husband and wife. 
• Make reservations at a hotel. Go someplace different. Make this an adventure. Chose the hotel, send your husband an invitation to meet you there and include the hotel room key. 
• Draw him a bath (at home or at the hotel). Provide his favorite beverage and some fruit. Of course ladies scrub his back for him. 
• Give him a long, lengthy sensuous massage. Get some wonderful smelling oils. 
• Get your hair, nails and feet done. Look absolutely beautiful for him. Get that makeover you have been threatening to get. Surprise him. 

Ladies you must trust the process. If you esteem your husband, your husband will esteem you. Don’t get impatient, don’t keep count of what you do for him, simply allow the love you have for your husband to be the reason. Don’t look for him to do the same for you in the same manner; allow your husband to find his way to you. Remember love is patient, love is kind, love does not seek its own, and love does not keep count of anything. Love hopes, believes and endures all things.