Me, myself and Leah

A young man and woman went on a date. For two solid hours, he spoke about himself, his accomplishments, successes and ideas. And then he turned to her and said: “Enough of me talking about myself, now what do you think of me?”

In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth...we all know the story. For those who appreciate nature; the incomprehensible beauty of the world, the waterfalls, the millions of different types of flowers, red roses, purple tulips,animals, pink flamingos, peacocks with their colourful tails. For those who appreciate science; consider the angle at which the Earth tilts, the Earth's axial tilt varies from 22.1° to 24.5° over a 42,000 year period. This tilt, explains why we have seasons and why places above the Arctic Circle have very cold weather. Honestly Its beyond my comprehension. But it all goes to show how much God gave us to experience and enjoy in this world.

In a dazzling parallel, the same applies in human relationships. In the beginning of life, there is no otherness. A newborn infant does not distinguish between itself and the rest of the universe. It knows and cares only about its own needs. When it cries it is saying: “I want Mummy, I want to be fed, I want to be held, I want to be played with, and if you don’t do everything I want, immediately, I will ruin your life.” There is no room for an other. As children develop and mature, they begin to find the other as a separate entity. They begin to have relationships; they begin to care for the other. That process is essential to healthy development.

People are naturally self-centered. Our own physical and spiritual development and enhancement are foremost on our minds. This is not necessarily evil; in fact, it is somewhat necessary. This preoccupation with self comes to a crashing halt when a person walks down the wedding aisle. At that point, bride and groom wholly commit themselves to each other. When a single person is on a sinking boat, no one will blame him for running for the life boats to save his own life, even if his friend might be asleep in their cabin. But such a move is unthinkable for the married person whose spouse is in need of assistance.
Aside for their commitment to each other, husband and wife are also committed to an ideal which both should share and wish to perpetuate—the establishment of a Christian home, a home suffused with holiness, a home where the Divine Presence is always welcome.

Before you get married, you think that you are marrying Rachel – the beautiful, smart, kind, sensitive, and fun-loving spouse of your dreams. In reality, you are bound to discover that you ended up with Leah, a person also struggling with unresolved tension. Today we see many ladies who are about "What can he give me?" a Blackberry prosche? a red CRV? an apartment in V.I? They end up with men who treat them like commodites bacause one must enter marriage with a veiw to giving of one's self.

As adults we know that in order to truly love, you need to withdraw yourself from your “center” (ego) and create room for another person in your life. A relationship is not about control. When one partner dominates the other, demanding of him or her to conform and suppress his/her personality, the possibility of a relationship is snuffed out. Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually seeks to cultivate it. Love, like the act of creation, is the courageous act of creating space for the presence of the other. When man moves away from himself, reaching into the heart and soul of another human being, he emulates God, who took time to create a beautiful and balanced world including me, you and even Leah.

Ijeoma Olujekun