And The Two Become One...

Two days ago I was invited to be part of a surprise proposal. It was so romantic, the ring was served with the cake that was ordered and all the invitees came out from their hiding places and shouted "SURPRISE!" The guy had gone to a lot of trouble to invite their mutual friends while using various tactics to hide the whole plan from her.

But to our surprise this young lady said she wasn't surprised. He hadn't hidden his tracks too well, so when that night came and he said he was taking her out, and later said they we're going to a friend's party and later changed the story to they were going to an event , amongst other things, she knew the time had come. When she made this shocking revelation, it felt as if we were all hit in our faces with a glass of cold water.

Marriage is like that too, after the honeymoon phase one can feel like you are in one of life's most sobering moments. I felt like I'd been struck by lightning! I missed being able to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I missed being able to spend long periods of time alone, reflecting. I missed not having to explain all my choices.

Trying to adjust from "freedom" to partnership can be difficult and exasperating — but it's a process, not just a destination. I wondered how the blending of two personalities and sets of ambitions, desires, and dreams could ever be expected by a wise and all-knowing God!

Even for a lady who has prayed and sought direction from God; she might still wonder if she made the right decision. I accepted the responsibility of honoring the relationship God had given me. Each day I made conscious efforts to enjoy my relationship with my new husband in the fullest sense.

Though I occasionally needed time alone, I learned to think in terms of two instead of one. When it would have been easier to just make my favourite rice and sauce, I learnt to always ask "What do you want to eat? " Even though the answer was usually "Anything you give me". Although there were several hiccups, our marriage developed into a bond filled with joy and intimacy. That's how closeness and oneness develops in marriage, in spite of selfish tendencies. Though challenging and often confusing, the transition from independence to interdependence is so important.

Just like when you became born again and had to drop certain habits and make decisions based on your knew identity in Christ, and you had to spend time getting to know the word and fellowshipping one on one with God. The same is required for marital oneness. Couples must understand the value of spending time with one another, talking, dining, and experiencing happy and challenging moments TOGETHER. There will be times when you might need to be alone, but understand the value of being together too. In the end, you would have fulfilled the biblical requirement and your vows — And the two became one.

Ijeoma Olujekun