In the Pits! In 1981 that is the way, I felt about my life. God used two situations to force me to look where I was placing my confidence. The first was in my mother who had failed me in that she died. The second was in my husband of 28 years. He no longer wanted to be married to me. My confidence was shaken to the very core. Even an attempted suicide failed. Life for me was the "Pits".
With all the human props pulled out from under me I was forced to redirect my focus if I was to survive. For the first time in my entire life of 40 years, God had my full attention. I began to focus on God. I mean really focus. At this point in my life, I knew the only thing that I could really count on was God.
Everything I knew about God from the Bible was true. Jesus Christ loved me enough to allow his arms to be stretched out and nailed to a cross and there He took my place. All the sin of my life was placed on Him the day He was crucified. He was the only one who had not failed me!
In September 1981 during a revival, the evangelist preached a message, "Who are you?" He gave an illustration about an eagle who sat on a nest with four eggs. Two hatched and the eaglets decided to go down the mountain to see the world. They found a bunch of wild turkeys and lived with them for a while. As the eaglets grew they discovered that they did not look like the turkeys nor did they really want to eat what they ate. So they decided to go back to where their nest had been to see who they really were. As they approached the summit of the mountain a full-grown eagle took flight and began to soar into the wind. That was when the eaglets realized who they were. The point of the message was: "Are you trying to live like a Christian when you are not really a true believer." Over and over the evangelist would ask, "Who are you?" That phrase kept repeating itself in my mind over and over again.
The next day, September 18, 1981, I was driving down the road and rethinking that message and that illustration of the eagles. All of a sudden, I realized that I was in that same situation. I did not know who I really was. I was certainly a displaced person.
The tears began to flow and I talked to God outloud. "God, I do not know where I am going, my life is a mess, and I certainly do not know who I am!"
At that point God spoke to my heart and said, "Just be my child." It sounded so simple. No pressure to be anything! It was a call to give up my feeble efforts of trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be.
All I had to offer God was brokenness and strife. In my eyes, my life was the "pits." Yet here was His call. Imagine the God of the universe extending such an invitation to me. "Just be my child."
In tear stained cheeks, driving down the highway, I said, "God I have nothing to offer but if you want me I will be yours. Take control of my life. I cannot handle it myself."
At that very moment, I felt as if I had been bound in chains and immediately those chains fell off. I was free! Free from the bondage of sin. I felt so wonderful. Now I just knew everything would be fine. But everything was not okay. Many lessons had to be learned. God is the perfect parent and He began my training as His child. I call it "God's Boot Camp." It is hard! But it is worth every tear we shed, every lesson we learn, every hurdle we go over! God never wastes any of our sorrows.
After the divorce, I was very bitter. God had to dross that out of my life. Psalms 37 literally became my guide to live by. I clung to every promise in that chapter. I had to pattern my life after the commands and the results were up to Him.
Psalms: 37
1. "Fret not thyself," because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.
2. Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land and verily thou shalt be fed.
3. Delight thyself also in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
4. Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in him and he shall bring it to pass.
5. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
6. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for him.
7. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath…. (KJV)
From September 1981 until this day I can tell you God has truly brought the verses of this chapter true in my life. Time does not permit for me to share at this time the stories of the University of Life in which God has trained me. We will save those for another time.
By Merle Parnell
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