All my life I've been this very cheerful person, even if you offend me I would promptly forgive and get over it. However, periodically I would become this "Queen of sorrow". And when that time came I would take it out on everyone around me. If I was at Not-Just-OK-dot-Com you would have a taste of it too. Sometimes I felt bad about this but I figured, that`s just how I am. I think this happens to alot of women, our feminine ego enjoys this self-imposed separation.
Then I got married and occasionally this NotJustOk.com grumpiness would rear its head and my husband had to deal with this ``queen of sorrow`` parading around as his wife. Till one day, it hit me "This man hasn't bothered to ask what's wrong with me. I had to come out of myself and I realise, he had gone round this mountain so often he didn't even see the point in trying to cheer me up since we would be back at square one sooner or later. "Ijeoma, is this what you want the environment your home to be like?" I had spent so many years accepting that it was just my nature and it had started affecting the environment in my home. It didn't cross my mind that perhaps God could change me.
Then the Holy Spirit began to show me that His power was not limited to JustSoHappy.com and that I was going to have a negative influence on our child and my husband. So I've claimed the promise in Philippians 2:13. “For it is God who works within you, to will and to act according to his good purpose”
Well I admit, I still visit NotJustOk.com and while there I might still shoot you an icy glance but certainly not as often and I promptly get a hold of myself and swing well away from there. What a difference it has made in my life.
Our lives are a journey, a journey taken in very small, manageable steps. Let each step be a destination of its own. Be thankful and never be discouraged. `Don't just fold your arms and say that`s just the way I am. The more you strive to change this the more it will affect your environment . If you want your husband to become humble create the environment for that. You have to become more humble. If you want a loving environment become more loving. And the God who sees your secret yearning will reward you openly.
Following Christ and creating a Christian home is something no one can do by just "trying really hard." We need help - or better - the one Jesus called the "Helper."
Ijeoma Olujekun
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