"When a woman is angry she starts having this imaginary argument with you or a third party in her head." Some of you might recognise that quote from the Leke Adler piece we published last month on the tweets Letter to Jack, Letter to Jill. (Although I believe it is not only women who are guilty of this)
No wonder the bible says It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. (Proverbs 25:24)
How many times have we replayed incidents in our minds that had upset me us terribly? You are so hurt and angry about how it everything has unfolded. Who behaves that way? I would never have! No one in their right mind does. Then you get all self-righteous. Might even wonder what it would feel like to tell them off… then fantasize doing it. Then you imagine how that would go and feel a little vindicated. Then realizing that it hasn’t happened, and probably never would, you feel deflated and confused. And did I mention helpless? You wondered what you could do to make it different in the future. You try to make sense of it.
So,you replay the incident in your mind. And the same train of thoughts and feelings follow. Over, and over again. Within a short period of time it becomes unbearable
Many of us live in that place often. Its an insane place. A place you can’t escape from easily because you are’nt always aware you are there. Your feelings will wreak havoc and you become your own enemy.
One of the most precious things in the world is inner peace. As long as you have it, you will be happy. Regardless of what else you have or don’t have in the external. Because inner peace is the source of all joy. Without it, we would have nothing. Ephesians 2:14 says For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility . I know because there was a time I had lost my peace completely
The Bible talks about perfect love driving out all fear. Because there are only two basic emotions Love and fear. All your actions and feelings arise from one or the other. So whenever you feel a negative emotion arise, learn to dig deeper. To ask yourself what it's true cause is. Where there is perfect love there is peace. This gives you a deep sense of connection to others, especially your spouse.
Next time you are upset with your spouse ask what I you are afraid of. Most often, it might be fear of not being loved, valued etc The longer you allow this to continue the more you rob yourself of your peace and your mind will suggest some things you could do to get back some will think of flirting to inspire jealousy, some withhold intimacy, others will just give the all round silent treatment and then explode in fits of rage.
Pursue peace and when you find it bask in it, live less at the mercy of your mind. Question your thoughts and disregard many of them because a lot of them are not true anyway.
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9)
By Ijeoma Olujekun
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