Passion Is Always The First Casualty

"...It's not the Love that sustains the promise. It is the promise that sustains the Love...." Some of you might recognise that from the lyrics in the piece Sex, Marriage and Fairytales,. The lyrics really got me thinking about this other quote:

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don't blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being "in love", which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.” 
― Louis de Bernières, Captain Corelli's Mandolin

For as long as you're alive, you're going to find yourself being surprised by life’s events. There will always be something unexpected that takes place that threatens the level of teamwork you have with your spouse. It could be an illness that attacks either of you or a family member, a problem with one of your children, a job layoff, a moral failure or any other event that you didn't have on your radar.

I've talked about those arguments we have in our heads when our spouses offend us and that is where it all starts. In our heads. Then we start saying things we don’t mean and doing things we later regret. All the single ladies! All the single ladies!! All the single men!! All the single men! Anyone who plans to build a family with another person needs to accept that passion is often the first casualty after a marriage. WE must start by doing what it says in the bible “Taking every thought captive” (I wish I could say that I always do that, but thankfully, I remind myself to often).

When life happens, you must determine to make love happen. While love won't immediately make everything better, it will certainly provide the strength and grace needed to make it through tough times. Moreover, it will reorient you with God’s love for you, and the love you pledged to your spouse. We must DETERMINE to support each other through it all and call it all joy.

I’m hoping these thoughts will inspire someone who needs to apply this same principle to their marriage.


By Ijeoma Olujekun