Saying "Yes" To the Help You Need

“You guys need some help while you’re moving? In fact, let me know when so I can help out” my friend Zainab asked last month.

If I ever needed help, that was the time. If a friend were going to help, it would be Zainab. You know what, though? Even though she was offering, I still hesitated to say yes. That’s when I realized how deep my aversion to needing help was.

I know I’m not the only one that struggles with this vulnerability. For goodness sake, there is even a public holiday dedicated to independence! So, feeling ‘needy’ isn't really anyone’s cup of tea. Vulnerability makes us feel inadequate. Some of us avoid asking for help because we don't want to feel indebted in anyway, for some of us it's pride.

Whatever the reasons may be, we build up these walls around ourselves where we are prisoners of our own independence. A lady who was being battered by her husband said she didn't want to break her parent’s hearts by telling them what she was going through and she wasn't used to speaking to people about her private issues. When her foundation wasn’t concealing the bruises a few colleagues would ask but she would always give an excuse. 

We must know that it is our inadequacies that draw us together as a people. If you meet some teenagers who you feel are fantastic don't be afraid to ask their parents how they did it. If you need help potty training your children ask for help. If you're confused about the direction of your career, look for someone you admire in your field and speak up, ask for help.

Understanding and accepting that you don’t know it all, and you can't do it all by yourself creates peace in your life where there once was stress. It deepens your relationships. It breeds honesty and courage in you.

In the moment Zainab offered to help, I felt terrible that I was so averse to accepting. (I'm sorry ZeeZee)

"The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable". Corinthians 12:21

And remember, if you have questions or concerns about your marriage, relationships or parenting, the team here at Covenant relationships is here to help.

…And yet I will show you the most excellent way. 1 Corinthians 12:31

By Ijeoma Olujekun