Where is God In All This Tragedy? Reflections on The Kenyan Westgate Mall Massacre

The calm was shattered around noon local time Saturday. Gunshots erupted as shoppers picked up groceries, savored lunch and browsed through the racks at stores. What was meant to be a normal day became a horror show.

Before long, pools of blood smeared pristine hallways. Bodies lay strewn across the floor.

Uche Kaigwa-Okoye was sipping coffee when he heard what first sounded like a fallen table, then the continuing rat-a-tat of gunfire. As the gunshots became louder, screaming crowds headed for the exits. He joined 20 people who took shelter for about five hours in a women's bathroom cubicle.

Exclusive Interview With The Woman behind GemWoman Magazine - Bola Olawale

Since the moment I first came across gemWoman Magazine, I was totally inspired by the vision behind it. With each page, the vision was clear; Bola Olawale was out to inspire women.

And it still is, only now, after I’ve met her I know exactly why I was so inspired. As she sat in front of me, her sheer warmth and passion for inspiring women and exuded from her, as she spoke on the topics of marriage and parenting, gemWoman Magazine and Gem Publications as a whole, her love and devotion towards what God had entrusted her to do was so tangible I could almost touch it. Her down to earth personality and the way she gushed when answering questions on parenting and marriage made me feel like this is why I have wanted to interview her for so long.

Today Bola Olawale is a kind of quintessential Everywoman: A wife, mother, pastor, writer, publisher, mentor, councilor and trusted friend to many. I could feel her strength and her resolve as a servant and even a soldier for Christ and just under that, is this layer of genuine motherly kindness and animated humor with no airs you don't often find in people these days.

A Lineage of Grace - Review

The copy of this book that I came across, has done a lot of traveling. My friend collected it from her Dad, who it had been given to by someone else. To anyone who wants to start reading Christian novels, I will always recommend Francine Rivers. 

In this compilation of five novellas by Francine Rivers, we meet the five women whom God chose—Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. Each was faced with extraordinary—even scandalous—challenges. Each took great personal risk to fulfill her calling. Each was destined to play a key role in the lineage of Jesus Christ.

These gripping stories, relatable characters, and truthful Biblical backgrounds will keep you turning your pages for hours. Bathsheba's story is particularly intriguing- but it brings forth just how deep God's grace is. It will also give you an insight into David so the Psalms and his stories have more meaning for you.

Ladies! Don't Miss This Event - Body, Soul and Spirit 2013. Theme: No Limits

The 7th edition of Body Soul and Spirit, themed "No Limits"  is here!!!

The need for women to relax, unwind and take essential care of themselves cannot be over emphasized; Women, these days, do not only want to look good but feel good in every sense - taking into cognizance their total well being.

Thus, gem Publications, publisher of gemWOMAN and gemMAN magazines, two leading brands, has designed an annual sought-after women’s soiree titled Body, Soul and Spirit – a platform for cosmopolitan women between the ages of 25-55 years to come together in an informal and relaxed atmosphere to share, learn, network, worship and make new friends while they get refreshed in God’s presence. It is also an avenue for women to network and bond with like-minded people.

Before You click On The next "Pastor-Involved-in-Scandal" Link...

Perhaps there have been more scandals involving pastors lately, or it's my personal recognition system which has been awakened to the growing number of issues involving ministers and congregants surfacing online. I generally ignore most of them but a while ago I came across one which I just couldn’t ignore. Not only because of the way it was publicized but because of the comments of several Christians, like you and me.

So much hate, blame and animosity. Some people blamed the minister while others ridiculed the lady – saying things like, she was just looking for fame or cheap publicity, as if people were going to start stopping her and asking for her autograph because of this highly publicized affair. I got a glimpse of how Jesus felt when He wept.

The Parable of the Three Fishes

Someone shared this simple allegory with me which got me thinking.  I am sharing it with you all to give you a little introspection that we all desperately need at times.

Ok, here is the story. There were these three little fishes in the ocean with a terribly vicious shark who kept terrorizing them and making life under the sea unbearable.

So God came along and asked each of them what he wanted Him to do. The first fish asked for eyes all over his body so he could spot the shark from any angle and escape. His wish was granted and off he went.

The Real Heart Of Gold: The Wyatt Erber Story - 8 year old gives $1000 to 2year old battling leukemia

Wyatt Erber, 8, with his neighbor, 2-year-old leukemia patient Cara Kielty.

We get so caught up living our lives wanting and needing that we forget to appreciate just how blessed we are. In the spirit of Sunday, I’ll love if while you’re reading this post, you take a moment to think about the refreshing air around you, the assurance of every dawn you see. How blessed you are to be able to read this post.

I don’t want to go all churchy on you; God knows my plans are far from that. I saw a picture of two young children retweeted to my timeline and decided to read their story. It is a story about the selflessness of an eight year old boy who gave a thousand dollars to his two year old neighbour suffering from cancer. His story is unique in many ways, not only in the graciousness of his giving but also from his deep sense of responsibility and sensitivity. How many of us care enough to know about situations those around us are stuck in and moreso, what have we done to help them?

The Other Woman....Tackling masturbation in christian marriage

Someone told me tears are liberating but here I am drowning in the pool of mine and you, my rescuer and lifeguard, are so far away. I feel like a princess caught in slavery, taken away from home, stripped of her royalty and reduced to rags in the kingdom she was meant to rule, near enough to see the chaos in her land but too powerless to do anything.

Like the pain of a mother separated from her kids near enough to hear their cries but not allowed to tend to their needs. The sadness in my eyes unequalled, I feel hate because I want to be loved badly. I want the one I sleep next to, to take me in his arms and make me a woman. I want to feel all those things I read about. I want to talk to you late into the night, not knowing when sleep calls with every moment taking its place in forever. I just want to be your wife in every way, I know something is wrong but you wouldn’t talk to me. I die every day from cancerous thoughts, wondering what you do behind my back. I check your clothes, hoping to find the slightest evidence that would give me the answer to the many questions I ask myself, but it all proved futile.

I could pretend none of these is happening and attend every dinner looking good on your arms but my sad eyes wouldn’t let me. How did we get here? I used to know you, your cute smiles and reassuring eyes, it was you that fitted my dream of together forever, that beautiful Christian courtship, how you understood the sanctity of the marriage bed and how we both vowed not to violate it. I never told you why I said yes but maybe I will do that now. You were the choirmaster of our church and the dream of every single young lady in the church. You had a voice like an angel’s and fingers that made the piano happy. Blessed with great looks and a job to die for, everything about you gave perfect a good chase for its worth.

My Response To "I know my little girl's too young for school but I need a bit of 'me' time."

How many of you read this article about the woman who feels guilty about letting her four year old go to full time school. I read it in utter disbelief! so this might come across as a bit of a rant -Do pardon me. This is what the mother had to say:

"After 14 years of fitting my writing career around my brood's needs, I've had enough. The main reason she's going to school is because, shamefully, it makes my life a hell of a lot easier.

I know this makes me sound heartless. Even I'm surprised at my behavior. Especially because the entire reason we decided to have Dolly was so that I could give up work and savour every precious moment with one last child. (Please how does she sound heartless?)

She was born in August 2009 - almost seven years after the youngest of her siblings: Monty, ten, Annie, 12, and Flo, 14. After the madness of having three children so close together I craved to experience motherhood at a leisurely pace. I desperately wanted to try the whole stay-at-home thing. But then money worries drove me back to work when she was just ten weeks old. Poor Dolly went to nursery and I went back to my laptop."

She goes on to say;

10 Confusing Truths About Friendship

I came across this post and thought I'd share it with you guys. I hope you find it as thought-provoking as I did.


Friendship is one of the most important relationship we could form in our lives.

Whether good or bad, our friends affect the way we think and who we are. These are some interesting and confusing facts about friendship below;

1. "We hate it when our friends become successful," says Morrissey Sang, but successful friends make us more successful.

2. Many romantic couples will celebrate a year or even six months together, yet many friends do not even acknowledge the milestone of a 20, 30, or 40-year friendship.

3. Parents are obsessed with whether or not their teens are with the "wrong crowd" yet rarely question whether or not they themselves are.

Reasons why it is NOT wise to have a joint account with your fiance(e) before marriage

I know that this might raise some issues but I would like to say upfront that this is not doctrinal or straight out of the Bible.  This is based on wisdom and what I have seen in many counselling sessions.

For the sake of this discussion, a joint account is an account where both parties agree to put some money into for whatever reason. This also assumes that any party has the withdrawal signatory rights without due recourse to the other party. I also am not saying that I support or do not support having a joint account. That is a matter for another time.

I have seen in many cases that some individuals "in love" decide to open a joint account because they trust the other person in the relationship. I remember one case where a lady friend in Nigeria got involved with a guy living abroad. She left the country to be closer to the guy and soon enough, they decided to open a joint account in preparation for their wedding and future life together. To cut the long story short, one day the guy emptied the joint account and came back to Nigeria to get married to another lady in Nigeria. Now this lady friend is well off and not ugly.

Here are my reasons:

...On Love And Marriage

• "You make me happier than I ever thought I could be, and if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way." ~Friends

• "Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it." ~Unknown

• "Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?" ~Barbara Streisand

If you need marriage, relationship or parental advice click here 

"Family Rules" signs, What Would Have on Yours?

"Family Rules" signs seem to have become all the rage. I came across one in my brother's house (his wife is very interior savvy) it says "In this house we Love we Forgive ..." I don't remember the rest but its really very nice.

 So I started looking out for one for our new apartment, you know, to make it more intimate- I came across loads of them: Say thank you, Always pray, Pay with hugs and kisses, Find beauty everywhere, Dream big and so many others- a testament to all of the things we often never quite live up to but wish we would. I have chosen to make a customised set of rules that applies to our family. You know, with my favourite verses and some other pertinent rules and, " Laugh often and SMILE more" rules that we can aspire to both as a parents, friends and children of God.

1. Jesus loves you; who am I not to?
2. Have faith
3. Always keep your promises
4. Share
5. SwimSumTime
   

All the walls love can break and more

Hello everyone, it’s my birthday today *wide smile*. Thanks in advance for your congratulatory messages. It feels very good to be where I am right now and I type that not as a matter of pride. 

For a while now, my prayers have been filled with more gratitude and praise to the Lord ‘cause I feel like I have been singled out for blessings upon blessings. Life has been a special pal and I haven’t been a butt of its jokes in recent times (not like I intend to mock those on the other side). I hope you forgive all my blunders and just read this post with an open mind.

I already asked your indulgence so allow me to share with you that I miss my husband so much *wipes mock tears*. It’s supposed to be the first birthday we would spend together since we got married. He is not a romantic but with him I have learnt to understand his love more through his gestures. He sent me a simple message that I have read many times over, I am surprised my absence has improved his ‘word’ game. Sorry, I digressed, this post is not about me and my lovelife (as some would call it), I beg that you stay with me.

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!

Recently, I had the displeasure of meeting *Rukky. Rukky is the outgoing, over extroverted girl. Very friendly (but shallow), talks a lot and always has an opinion about everything.

Rukky doesn't need to know you to tell you how to run your life. Bring up any topic and Rukky must contribute. Needless to say she put her foot in her mouth a lot of times; spoke without thinking, and often had to retract a lot of statements.

In our quest to appear enlightened and trendy, a lot of us become Rukkys , especially online; across all social media platforms. Quick to comment, even when talking off point. Quick to claim knowledge and familiarity. The Mr/Mrs know all’s, the Dangote’s godchild, who ‘cooks shawarmas, and ‘visits the beach in Washington DC’. From our rulers/politicians(I recently watched a politician negate and attempt to defend a speech he made previously), to the white and blue collar workers, to the youths and children. Even in our intimate relationships, a lot of conflicts will be avoided if both parties think before they speak. Here are a few tips to help us when conversing interface and across social media platforms:

For the Christian Man: Does it bother you that you cannot get her to the Peak?

One of the greatest issues in marriage that christian couples don't talk about, is their sex life. Unfortunately some couples do not know how to bring it up for fear of being perceived as too "carnal". From the counselling sessions that I have conducted, the women seem to be the ones suffering in silence.

For a man, it is easy to get to the height, roll over and snore. But does it bother you if she doesn't get to that same height? Don't you wish that she would be the one asking for sex instead of you trying to convince her to have sex with you?

As you may already know, sex is a spontaneous reaction for most men. All you need to get turned on is to see your wife in her sexy negligee. However it is not the same for most women. They have to mentally prepared for sex. They have to be in the right mood.

4 reasons why you should NOT discuss your marital issues with a colleague of the opposite sex

It is very easy to get into the trap of discussing your marital issues with a friend or a colleague of the opposite sex because you spend more than 8 hours a day in the office. Everything starts so innocently.. and and you think there is no harm because you think it is harmless...Nothing can come out of this "formal" relationship. And he is ever ready to listen to you; unlike your spouse at home.

As innocent as it may set out to be, you are treading on dangerous grounds.

It is advisable that you do not discuss your marital issues with a colleague of the opposite sex for the following reasons:

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man - Review

You've seen the movie but have you read the book? I figured the movie had some good points so the book would give more details. Being the opinionated person that I am, I don’t agree with all his points but I still feel he made so much sense. Excellent advice. 

I recommend it for any woman struggling with relationships with men. It brings a lot of clarity to what many women are going through and will help you to realize what to look for in men. 

The first part of this book reads like a relationship manual but it does get better. 

I love the part on encouraging women to "get some standards." It's sad that people need to be told that but, obviously, they do. I'm glad to hear a man say it. The sad but honest truth is that there are people who will try to get away with whatever you're willing to let them get away with. Surely there are some men out there who have standards of their own and don't need you to dictate yours in order to act accordingly. I take it, like any other "self help" book, with a pinch of salt.

10 things You need to Start Doing For Yourself Right Now

1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.

2. Start making holiness a priority. It's funny how we gloss over the topic of holiness - in fact, it isn’t funny. It might be hard to think of yourself as a holy person but it is attainable. Today, start asking God for forgiveness instead of just overlooking small sins, if you are sincere after a while you will not want to keep saying sorry but, actually live up to His expectations of you.

3. Start facing your problems head on. – It isn't your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you've done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.

My Sunday of Unrealistic Expectations

In the spirit of family bonding and practicing what I preach, I convinced my husband to shelf his after church plans and take myself and our daughter to swim. 

I had it all planned out, swimming costume, floater etc. Daddy on standby to take several shots of the future swimming champion (footage for her future biography, of course). It was to be one of those mini dream come true moments. Our 1 year, 10 month-old daughter, in the pool for the first time.

But then something was terribly wrong; she didn't want to get into the pool. We begged, cajoled, almost forced her but baby Jada wouldn't get in. Then the shocking part was that when I started swimming and making a show of having a nice time, she trembled in Daddy's arms and kept urging me to get out “Mammy! Mummy!”. She was positively anxious for my safety also. And there I was totally deflated with another parenting lesson learnt - Jada is much more comfortable on dry land. 

...Of Men and Plan B's

Sitting at the dining table with my aunt and my elder sister is one of the best things that has happened to me since my trip. There are no inhibitions as to what can be discussed, our little talks have such fluidity that another person watching might have been fascinated by something as unenlightening as our 'bread talk’. We see the lightness in every matter and that just makes each of those moments beautiful.

The thing is it has never really mattered what the topic is on the family table. One topic we all walk on eggs around however is religion. There is no time this topic comes up for discourse that I don't feel an air of awkwardness despite the close bond we share as a family. Last night was no different when I was sharing with them my hospital experience and how one gets checked for what some might term as very minute things in the hospitals around here. It's like one's number is on speed dial on the doctor's phone, if allowed. He probably wants to see the kind of plate one eats with. I am sorry, I digressed.

3 Ways To Handle Your Anger

Anger is a serious impediment to any relationship, be it marriage, friendship or even parenting. Some people say talking or communication dissipates anger but I think you only get more aggravated and there is a chance that you will say a lot of things you don’t mean. Here are three methods you can use when trying to control your temper.

Is it worth your anger? 

Think about the problem that is making you so hyper. Is it really worth so much aggression? Think about the issue calmly whether it is worth all this madness that you are into. If the answer is no, then put your energy into something else. Honestly, half of the fights most of us get into, do not deserve that much energy and madness.

Put yourself in the other's shoes

The best way to control your temper is by trading places with the other person - the one who is on the receiving end of your fury. Think about what he/she must be feeling while you are yelling or screaming at them.This will help you control your anger immediately and calm you down.

Walk away

The best and the last resort for any fight, is to walk away from the problem. If you think that you are not in the condition to talk about the issue with your partner or your family, then just walk away from it. When you are okay, and on the right frame of mind to deal on the problem again, talk about it then.

5 Bonding Activities For You and Your Family This Weekend

When we are dating we seem to find time to do these things but when we marry the excuse is we have too many responsibilities. Well bonding is one of them.

One sad thing that happens in many marriages is that after the wedding and honeymoon stage bonding draws to a halt. You close from work by 5, 6 or 7pm, get into traffic, get home by 8, 9, 10 pm; eat, sometimes take a shower and head straight to bed; only to get up as early as 4, 5 or 6 am the next day for work.

Social activities are restricted to attending church, weddings and other ceremonies where you get home stressed and tired. If you dedicate 1 weekend in a month to bonding, heavens won't fall because you missed one wedding.

How many of These 90s Hits Would You Let Your Children Listen To?

Allow me to take you on a little trip down memory lane, to a time when Brandy  still wore braids and "lol" still stood for "lots of love", long before Mel B was in The Spice Girls.

How many of you listened to "Freak Like Me" by Adina Howard? The name itself should have been a huge indicator that the song was probably not appropriate for young ears, but did that stop my cousins from playing it over and over again till I knew all the lyrics? Oh no! "Cause I will be a freak until the day, until the dawn, And we can pump pump all through the night, 'Til the early morn..." I remember trying hard to figure out what a “Gangsta lean"was. 

What about, "If you want it tonight, Just come through my door, Take off my clothes, And turn on the red light" that was" "Red Light Special" by TLC asin serzly though, no wonder people don't fall in love the way they used to in my parent's days. Then there was  "I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd The whole song is censorship worthy. And of course there was "Bump N' Grind" by R. Kelly, this was one of the his catchiest songs. I don't even need to post specific lyrics here, the whole song screams sexually explicit. Remember "Pony" by Ginuwine? I must admit the instrumental was off the hook. I had no idea what he was on about until I listened to the chorus properly: "If you're horny, let's do it, Ride it, My pony, My saddle's waiting, Come and jump on it." SMH vigorously.

This Is Why You Need To Pick Your Fights Carefully

The Daily Mail a story today which is a certainly a harsh reminder that some fights are just not worth it.

Denisa Graham has been left regretful and heartbroken after losing the 'love of her life' when her husband was killed in a horrific car crash as the couple argued over a takeaway. She is a model and always on a diet to watch her weight while her husband Paul Graham had just been playing basketball and wanted a curry takeaway.

The couple, who had been married less than a year, had been on their way home when the accident occurred.

Should A 5-Year-old own a Mobile Phone?

In a conversation with my husband, he said he thought it was ridiculous to give a 5 year old a phone. Why would anyone want to do that?”  I said “Um, to check up on them I guess”

“Checking up on 5-year-olds? Where are they? Out and about with their friends, out for lunch or a karaoke maybe? Off to KFC with the playgroup and need to text mum to say 'arrived safe and just off to get some chicken and chips, Simon is dancing on the table". In that case yes. It makes sense”

Do forgive the sarcasm but I know things have changed since his days and children grow up much quicker but he's just not sure why a 5 year old needs phone, a toy one maybe, but not one that makes calls! A child of this age shouldn't be out and about on their own and should be under supervision of either a parent, teacher or another grown up.

Giving Husband Priviledges To Boyfriends

"In dating relationships, most women often confuse the role of a boyfriend with that of a husband. Expectations from relationships are natural but what isn't natural is having many women expecting husband privileges from men they simply deem as boyfriends.

Many women expect husband privileges from boyfriends because they give husband privileges to their boyfriends in hopes of securing a long-term relationship with the possibility of marriage. I consider this a major mistake. Giving husband privileges to boyfriends and expecting husband privileges in return takes away the fun in a dating relationship and places unnecessary pressure on both parties involved."

I came across the article Confusing the Boyfriend Role with That of A Husband by Flaubert Ajiero that got me thinking.

The What-To-Expect of Lovers Quarrels (for Lovers)

After we published the piece on the Not-Safe-For Wife-Pictures I wasn't surprised at all the mails from people going through the same thing. 

When you go through challenges remember that if you hear what other people have overcome to kiss, hold hands and smile triumphantly on their 50th wedding anniversary, you will see every reason to join the winning team. Can I get a witness when I say --Tests birth Testimonies and Trials Breed Triumphs!!!

When you are in the courting stage of your relationship, it seems like you will live happily ever after - and you will, but there are some disagreements that almost all couples have at one point or the other. Watch out for them so that you don't blow them out of proportion because it's the little things that lead to BIG arguments. 

Personal space in marriages???

Hello everyone, it always feels good to be here. Learning from you and sharing from my own little life’s experiences always feels so unexplainably awesome. Let me get right into the post for today. See, I was at this get together over the weekend with number of friends and acquaintances and we started this talk on how far was too far in relationships.

Our argument was later streamlined and the question of the day was “what is personal space and how is it defined in relationships?” Of course we were split into different camps as regards to why there is a ‘personal space’ being kept in a relationship that should be all about two people living and sharing ‘almost’ all aspects of their lives together. Note the use of ‘almost’ in the preceding sentence because I understand there really should be a reasonable level of ‘privacy’, getting married doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting or blurring out what one used to do as an individual.

However, I am also of the belief that when we take that sacred oath of being together forever; we are signing a pact of ‘no secrets ever’. I decided to keep academic definitions out of this post so I am just going to share with you the crooked definition that majority of my friends gave to the said phrase. They agreed personal space should include respecting the other person in the relationship enough not to pick his/her calls or go through his/her messages. 

WHEN GOD ASKS A QUESTION - Tyler Perry

I was going through my facebook page when I stumbled on this short  post by Tyler Perry and I thought I'd share here. I hope it speaks to you like it did to me. Enjoy.

I just wrote this to a very dear friend of mine that is going through a tough time. I thought I'd share it with you too.

When I read the bible, I love when God asks a question. He doesn't ask for Himself. He already knows the answer. He asks us because he wants us to understand and get it.

He asked Adam, "Where art thou?" Sometimes we don't realize where we are in life and it takes the voice of God to remind us.

He asked Moses, "What is that that you have in your hand?" Many times the very blessing we need is already in our grasp.

He asked Malachi, "Will a man rob God?" It's so easy to give our time to everything but the work of The Lord.

He asked Ezekiel, "Can these bones live?" Sometimes you may think a situation in your life has died, but God is reminding you that it can live. It's not dead. It's not over.

He asked a lame man, "Wilt thou be made whole?" God already knows He has the power to deliver you but you need to want to be delivered.

He asked Abraham, "Is there anything too hard for God?"

Think about that as you're going through life. I don't care what it looks like. There is nothing too hard for God to do.

Praying for you today. 

Your friend and brother,
Tyler

Relationship 101 Cheat Sheet

• Change your behavior, and you’ll change his.

• In any serious relationship, if you don't gather your partner's opinion before making a decision that impacts you both, you're just storing up trouble for the future.

• Once you're truly happy with yourself alone, that's when you are safe to find the right person to spend the rest of your life with.

• Allow him to take the lead every step of the way. It’s a chess game. He makes his move, then you make yours.

• Pay close attention to signs and red flags. Don’t ignore them. When you see one, figure out what it means and act accordingly.

• Your “Smartphone” can lead to not-so-smart relationship decisions

• You cannot borrow half of who you are from someone else, yet people try to do it all of the time, they just call it a relationship!

• Good communication is less about saying what you mean, and more about defining what you say.

• If he mistreated and abused his last girlfriend, why would you want to be his new girlfriend? Girl, Please!

• Always take the time of 180 days before you call yourself committed to someone.

• It takes at least a time span of six months to shed the fake skin.

• you can't hold on and let go to (at the sametime) of you worthless, unhappy, failing relationship

Managing The Family Purse -Review

Typical American newlyweds spend over $27,000 on their wedding day -- yet no time or money on a financial plan. It is no surprise then that so many American marriages fail within the first five years, with couples citing ""money issues"" as the number one reason for their breakup. 

With Managing the Marriage Purse you will learn how to: -Create a unique marriage mission that becomes the compelling force to help you get your financial life in order and keep it in order -Identify and eliminate the causes of out-of-control spending -Get out of debt sooner -Increase after-tax income -Reduce your healthcare costs -Put fun and romance into budget meetings -Resolve conflict quickly and eliminate money fights -Avoid the top financial pitfalls that lead to divorce -Become a philanthropist on your existing income

Soon-To-Be-Husbands and The NSFW (Not Safe for Wife) Pictures

I came across this article in Ebony that made me have a flash back of 2002. One of my big brothers had met the love of his life and asked me to please help him tear pictures of his Exes. I wasn’t doing anything so I immediately obliged. Then he brought out the pictures.. I had to let out a short gasp “ Er, this is er, going to take longer than I thought…”

The funny thing was that, there was nothing overtly vulgar or scandalous, the images were not even provocative in nature just a few at beaches and pools but the ladies were never wearing anything indiscreet. But my dear brother Chinedu insisted on this ritual, it took ages, we were there well into the evening (I'm not exaggerating). He wanted to show his wife-to-be some respect.

6 Tips on Managing Resources As A Newly Married Couple (For Men)

Many newly wedded couples might not know how important it is to proactively manage resources. This is an important skill that must be learnt, perfected and sustained in order to balance all your responsibilities. The following tips should come in quite handy.

1) Date Nights are very important but while your love is still budding and blossoming at this stage in house date night will be just as romantic and intimate without the lofty price. Check out some ideas here.

2) Let wifey know how much you earn. I know some men feel this is not necessary or an invasion of privacy but that’s what you signed up for. together you will be able to fully manage it and maximise it.

Ties That Bind

This movie came out about three years ago and I never gave it a chance until a friend encouraged me to a few days ago. It consists of three thought provoking stories, directed by Leila Djansi portraying African society in a way that many films have, but in a such a unique and succinct manner. Showing us that many women are still not offered the the fairness and choices that will give them a completely fulfilled life. In summary, Ties That Bind resonated for me because of the topics it handled with three women who are dealing with various issues of motherhood, infertility and being a woman in an African community. 

Adobea played by Omotola Jalade Ekeinde is also incapable of having live babies with her husband, she either miscarries, has stillbirth or the children die as infants. We watch as she endures several humiliations and pressure from all around especially from her mother-in-law. Though he appears weak and under his mother's thumb, I like that her husband stands by her her when it really matters.

Is This Your Marriage?

Is this Your marriage? You might like to read:

Why Do Some Men Become Emotionally Unavailable? 

10 Things I Want My Husband to Know: ...and How to Tell Him (Review)

Popular author  explores biblical couples like Ruth and Boaz and Adam and Eve and her own marriage and offers a look at the ten things most wives want their husbands to know but have been reluctant (or too busy) to say, including:

• I want you to lead me spiritually
• When you help me around the house, I feel loved
• It is important you understand my need to feel financially secure
• Raising your children is my most important job
• I am available to you sexually

With godly advice and insights into the coven

Discover "The-First-Four-Minutes-Rule"

At the beginning of the marriage, many husbands and wives get into the habit of complaining about the day's frustrations as soon as you get home from work. “ Oh, the traffic was so bad, this country is doomed, the weather is so hot,  my coworkers are so …, can never get enough…, the kids are driving me up the wall etc After a while, though, you realized that if you discuss only problems with your spouse, there's a good chance you'll develop a problem relationship.

House Work Must Be Split 50/50 ?

“When I get married house chores must be split 50/50!!” declared a soon to be married career woman.

The question of division of labour in the home is a complicated one. No matter how much you want to divide responsibilities.Women are certainly going to do more child care for the simple fact that toddlers and older kids are always going to be like "My mummy, I want this, Mummy I want that, I will tell my mummy for you, Mummy see what he did, …" Women are going to spend more time in the kitchen too. This is the way it is we can't fight it. No amount of setting quotas or nagging will make any difference. In fact, it might make you even more exhausted. 

What Does Your Account Statement Look LIke???

We always have bank accounts and get inflated with pride, with seeing it’s balance ‘ballooning up’. We also, tend to restrict withdrawals, while intending to make more and more deposits therein to take the balance to satisfactory... naah, to enviable figures.

You and your spouse each have an “emotional bank.” You are either making deposits, or withdrawals into, or out of, your spouse’s bank. Because you tend to “speak” one love language … and your spouse “hears” another, what you were hoping to come across as loving and caring, ends up being heard as something completely different.

We make deposits into his/her account by praise, positive attention, sincere apologies, or acts of service. Examples of withdrawals are such things as criticism, sarcasm, ignoring, or failing to keep promises. If a relationship is wounded, we have probably made too many withdrawals and not enough deposits into that persons (emotional) bank account.

It might help you to think of these deposits as long-term investments. Like any investment, you might not see results immediately. Nevertheless, if you persist, the results will be obvious so, choose your deposits wisely.

Covenant Relationships would like to urge upon you to make more and more deposits in your emotional bank accounts, by affectionate touches, spending quality time together (at home and on special dates, loving words, encouraging words, celebrate each other's victories, helping out in unexpected ways, remembering important dates (birthdays, anniversaries etc,) occasional surprise gifts, showing respect and any others you can think of.

Women run a pay-as-you-go emotional account service...make your deposits daily-Leke Adler

By Ijeoma Olujekun

For relationship, parenting and marriage advice/ counselling or just a talk CLICK HERE

Golden Rules For A Golden Marriage (For women)

Last night a husband was complaining about how his wife is, and how women are generally. "How can she be disappointed because I am not barbing my son's hair tonight? Does that warrant disappointment?" He loves his wife so much and we know he will end up apologising but you know we women  blow some things out of proportion a times don't we? Here are some golden rules to help you keep things in perspective.

1. Don’t refight old fights. Let them go because there will be fights (I mean disagreements).
2. Try to always keep the sweetness of love present throughout your days.
3. Cook something special every once in a while. 
4. Laugh as much as you can – it keeps things in perspective.

Help! My Wife Can't Cook!!!

“I really need your help on this, because my wife is gradually driving me crazy, because she bores me with her tasteless foods, and I'm that kind of guy, that loves good food. What baffles me most is that, I can even cook better than her, but I can't take over the kitchen because, its her office (and I love her so much)...”

I have come across this as a complaint and a question many times. What if my wife-to -be can't cook?” or just the blatant declaration “my wife can't cook”. Sometimes it’s a matter of taste preference and other times the lady has just not had enough experience in the kitchen. I think the problem is not what if my wife can't cook but what if she doesn't want to know how to cook? For some people cooking comes naturally and to some it doesn’t.

Preachers of LA and others: Opinion piece

Are there times you wonder if the way you are serving God is the right way? I mean there are lots of churches, most of them with diverse doctrines. Do you wonder like I do if we all ain't a confused lot. There are many talks and competitions among us on who is attending the church with the ‘best tech savvy’ pastor and what have you. Ok, I am sorry, I sound like I am not making sense but I’d love you to stay with me, indulge me just for a little while.

I am in a new city now and I haven’t attended any church service since I got here. Funny thing is I felt the same way last year when I moved to Lagos though I later settled for one. I am sorry if that statement sounded arrogant but thing is the human soul is too important to be fed rubbish. I have enough knowledge to recognise that many of today’s churches have their individual brands of Jesus they are marketing.

Looking back now, I understand why the early church tried to maintain sanctity by bringing everyone under same umbrella (now, I know that had its falls, like I said earlier just indulge me). It’s like folks stick to the part of the bible that agrees with them. I was watching the TV and saw a trailer of a show that is going to start airing soon. The series is titled preachers of LA. What caught my eyes was the lavish lifestyle of the preachers and I know they ain't the only ones like that, there are many pastors living their lives on the fast lane in Nigeria too.

Photo credit: http://www.theblaze.com

Am I judging anyone? I’d say no. Like most people, I’d just want to know if the lowly Jesus supports this kind of lifestyle because I am truly befuddled. I am sick of churches building schools three-quarter of their congregation can’t afford. I am sick of seeing pastors surrounded by all manners of body guards and protocol officers, becoming inaccessible to the poor and wretched in their ministries. I am sick of the emphasis on the outward appearance like the soul of man is worn on his face. I am sick of seeing convicted thieves being treated specially ‘cause of the huge donations made to the church. I am sick of the new ‘pastor worship’ replacing the focus on Jesus. I am sick of the patriarchal system being run in churches like the pastors' sons are automatically called into the ministries.

Once again, I am not judging, I am probably airing the minds of a few others. Following the original message most definitely doesn’t mean living in penury but I am almost certain a pastor has no business rocking blings and priding on worldly establishments(again, I am not preaching the opposite, maybe I want for these pastors to check for the meaning of moderation) .

I’d love to state that I understand Jesus from who the bible says he is. I just need some clarification on this Jesus being marketed on the streets. I might not know many things but I am sure Jesus lived the life he preached and much as times have changed, the message is still one and the same – saving souls through unconditional love. Some of the messages being passed in churches these days will make some people steal, rather than redeem them cause as long as the pastor flashes his new brand of Ferrari and a known thief is given a royal welcome because of selfish interests, the church will continue to mislead souls rather than redeem them.

I believe the message is one and the same as God is not an author of confusion. As individuals, we have the responsibility of seeking the truth in God’s word and praying for the spirit of revelation while we are at it.

God bless us all.

You can watch the trailer of the "Preachers of LA" below