“When I get married house chores must be split 50/50!!” declared a soon to be married career woman.
The question of division of labour in the home is a complicated one. No matter how much you want to divide responsibilities.Women are certainly going to do more child care for the simple fact that toddlers and older kids are always going to be like "My mummy, I want this, Mummy I want that, I will tell my mummy for you, Mummy see what he did, …" Women are going to spend more time in the kitchen too. This is the way it is we can't fight it. No amount of setting quotas or nagging will make any difference. In fact, it might make you even more exhausted.
Work today doesn't end when you leave the door of your office or workplace — modern communications means you have to be available 24/7. If not, you might be seen as not up to scratch or be placed in the human recycling bin. Therefore a lot of husbands are working during the weekends. Our men are hardwired to be the head of the home, to lead and to provide whether they are earning more than their wives or not, this is what is going on in their heads, not doing strictly 50 per cent of the chores.
No matter how we imagine there will ever be a thing such as gender equality or stress on division of labour , more than three-quarters of all married women will still end up doing more housework than their husbands, but this is a genetic, generational and a gender issue. When you have children, you can draw up as many plans of action as you like, but when you return to work that plan will be shelved. Women are hardwired to multitask this is our makeup, bask in it ladies. I know some families genuinely need the money, but some wives work because they want to be stimulated in a way they can't get from watching Cbeebees.
As that is the case, I would advise you not to impose any quota on your relationship — no percentages sharing chores, have a plan but don’t stifle your relationship trying to keep to it.
Most husbands don't mind helping with the household chores. The problems arise when one partner (and it is usually the wife) appoints themselves to be both the foreman who decides which jobs must be done and the supervisor who approves the way they are done. Men and women have very different ideas about what is necessary about the house.and the method by which it should be accomplished. 50/50 can only be fair if both partners first mutually agree on the total amount of jobs which need to be done and accept that whoever is doing them gets to choose how they do that job without incurring the criticism of the other. In particular, men will often do jobs for their wives not because they think they are necessary but to please their partner. When that act of goodwill and affection is rewarded with complaints or critical comments it is hardly surprising if the man feels less inclined to help in the future.
I like to see my husband happy and I'm sure you do too, so I'm not going to try to impose unrealistic expectations and quotas in order to achieve an unrealistic and unattainable 50/50. But I will add that The best foreplay in the world is when men share the workload and are considerate.
Once you start treating a marriage like a business, one of you is going to fail.-JSP
By Ijeoma Olujekun
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