The Other Woman....Tackling masturbation in christian marriage

Someone told me tears are liberating but here I am drowning in the pool of mine and you, my rescuer and lifeguard, are so far away. I feel like a princess caught in slavery, taken away from home, stripped of her royalty and reduced to rags in the kingdom she was meant to rule, near enough to see the chaos in her land but too powerless to do anything.

Like the pain of a mother separated from her kids near enough to hear their cries but not allowed to tend to their needs. The sadness in my eyes unequalled, I feel hate because I want to be loved badly. I want the one I sleep next to, to take me in his arms and make me a woman. I want to feel all those things I read about. I want to talk to you late into the night, not knowing when sleep calls with every moment taking its place in forever. I just want to be your wife in every way, I know something is wrong but you wouldn’t talk to me. I die every day from cancerous thoughts, wondering what you do behind my back. I check your clothes, hoping to find the slightest evidence that would give me the answer to the many questions I ask myself, but it all proved futile.

I could pretend none of these is happening and attend every dinner looking good on your arms but my sad eyes wouldn’t let me. How did we get here? I used to know you, your cute smiles and reassuring eyes, it was you that fitted my dream of together forever, that beautiful Christian courtship, how you understood the sanctity of the marriage bed and how we both vowed not to violate it. I never told you why I said yes but maybe I will do that now. You were the choirmaster of our church and the dream of every single young lady in the church. You had a voice like an angel’s and fingers that made the piano happy. Blessed with great looks and a job to die for, everything about you gave perfect a good chase for its worth.

You were the desire of every parent and that day you proposed to me, I need not be told I was the luckiest girl on earth. I remember how you knelt in front of me in the middle of a Sunday service, it was like I heard you scream on a rooftop that you were in love with me and the whole world stood by to watch. My happiness knew no bounds and my prayers couldn’t have been better answered. Our families were in support of the union and we fixed our wedding day for a day in the harmattan, it was the best day of my life, nature loving our union with her all. We were in the spotlight and nobody could say enough of how perfect we looked together. You said to me again and again how you would make me the happiest woman that ever lived and told me how important my happiness was to you. Do I need to recount all these because I find it hard to believe you’ve forgotten so soon.

You’re coiled on your side of the bed and my chest pressed against your back wouldn’t even make you turn. I vowed in my mind, I was going to find out what was wrong. If it’s another woman, I was going to get to the end of it. I pretended like I was asleep because I knew you’re going to get up like you used to in the middle of the night. I told myself I was going to follow you wherever you are headed; I wondered if it was one of our neighbours. I rehearsed in my mind how I was going to act. It's on, I followed on tip toes and to my surprise you opened our visitor’s toilet. I thought you were taking a leak but then peeing doesn’t make one moan, I wonder if you sneaked her in last night, then I opened the door only to discover the other woman is under you, the other woman is you. You’ve been playing with yourself all these while.

What should I do?

NB: The characters are fictitious. I, however, would love to throw the question open to you all. Is it right to masturbate?

My thoughts, however, are that some relationships suffer because of the selfishness of one of the partners. Sex plays a major part in marriages therefore it should be taken seriously. Partners should discuss what works and doesn’t work. Self gratification is a form of betrayal; the betrayed partner must be ready to forgive for the marriage to move forward. Some habits die hard and might be hard to fight alone, I suggest issues such as this should be discussed and prayed about while consciously working at becoming a better person.

I would love to read your thoughts on this issue. Stay blessed.

Admin: I would like people to read an appropriate response from Focus on the family so I has put it in the main body of this blog:

I thought of giving a well thought-out response because masturbation is a controversial topic and it is not directly addressed in the bible. But I would like to share a very good response from "Focus on the Family" that I agree with.

The point, as we see it, is the larger meaning and purpose of human sexuality. The Bible has two important things to say about this: first, sex is central to the process by which husband and wife become one flesh (Genesis 2:24); and second, sex and marriage are intended to serve as a picture or symbol of the union between Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:31, 32). Sex, then, isn’t intended to be “all about me.” Rather, it’s designed to function as part of the give-and-take of an interpersonal relationship.
Read more about the response from Focus on the Family link - Click here