Do I Think He Will Change After Marriage?

Ever so often, I get emails from ladies telling me of the apprehension about their fiancés and their hopes that they will change for the better when they get married.

For instance, a lady said that the fiancé does not respect her parents and thinks that after marriage, he will grow to like her parents. She desperately wants him to change but is scared that time is running out as the proposed marriage date is getting nearer.

From the secular perspective, men are at their best behaviour when dating ladies; i.e. before marriage. Now if this is the man's best behaviour, what do you really expect him to do after the wedding ceremony when the woman's father has given her over to him.

I sincerely believe that every person is entitled to list all that he/she can tolerate and what he/she cannot tolerate. For instance, if you are in a relationship with a habitual liar and you can't stand liars; I think you should reconsider the relationship. The lying will be magnified after marriage. Also, if a man does not defend you before his family before marriage, do not expect him to change in a hurry when he marries you.

It has to do with "The Hidden Man of the Heart" as espoused by E. W. Kenyon in his classic  "Advanced Bible Course".  He says "The natural man does not understand the things of the spirit (1 Corinthians 2:14)". The natural man cannot know himself or God unless he has received Eternal Life. The subconscious man mind is the real man. This real man, the spirit, is like God. It never grows old. It is neither mortal nor immortal. It is eternal. Every man even though a born again christian, needs to experience the New Birth. The New Birth is the recreating of the spirit of man. That recreated spirit is to gain ascendancy over the reasoning faculties and govern them. But in the undeveloped believer, the reasoning faculties govern the spirit instead.  When by reason of time, the recreated spirit should have gained the ascendancy, they are still living under the dominion of their bodies.

So if the man is still living under the "Old Man realities" even though born again, you cannot change him. He has to develop his spirit. If a man develops his spirit, he can walk in this reality of truth, and he can enjoy all the fruits of eternal Life. Galatians 5: 22 gives the fruits of the recreated spirit - love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.

The summary of all is that you cannot change a man except he gets to the point that he knows that he has to change. He alone can achieve the change. All you can do is Pray.

Now note, if you decide to ignore all the "warnings" even though you see the signs before marriage, it can be detrimental to your health and even your faith in God.