I have heard so many stories of domestic violence, listened to friends in abusive relationships and even watched some of them as they were emotionally abused and treated like toddlers by their partners. I spent some time wondering what it was exactly that drove men and women to be abusive and really, I struggled to find an answer.
These days, society is not helping; there are absent fathers everywhere and single mothers are left to bring up strapping young men in ways only a father can. Many abusers are from broken homes where they did not have a proper parenting structure. Many of them are from homes that I'd like to call 'pseudo-broken' homes- homes where they watch one parent pummel the other every single day. I always tell my friends that children tend to associate with the stronger parent because that parent has a stronger impact on them, leaves a stronger impression and has a higher chance of being the one they emulate (we all know children are easily impressionable). If the children do not become abusive, chances are they will become timid out of fear that one day, the abusive parent will turn his or her venom on them. There is a need for such children to undergo intensive counselling in order to avoid a resonance of abuse.
Why on earth would anyone think it's ok to marry a bubbly single lady and beat her to a pulp? Why would a woman think it's ok to talk her husband down simply because she earns more money or has a higher university qualification? Why on earth would any man think it is ok to marry a woman, deprive her of her rights as a wife, turn her into a maid that has to prepare his meals fresh every single evening because he is not the type to eat anything that has been in the freezer and warmed up in a microwave? What exactly pushes people to the point of abuse? These were questions that plagued me over the weekend and I found some answers through discussions with friends that have experienced first hand abuse. one thing they all had in common to say was "ABUSERS NEED HELP!"
You might raise your eyebrows and think "HUH???!!!" but really, it is true. Many abusers need help. they abuse people because they don't know any better!
These days, society is not helping; there are absent fathers everywhere and single mothers are left to bring up strapping young men in ways only a father can. Many abusers are from broken homes where they did not have a proper parenting structure. Many of them are from homes that I'd like to call 'pseudo-broken' homes- homes where they watch one parent pummel the other every single day. I always tell my friends that children tend to associate with the stronger parent because that parent has a stronger impact on them, leaves a stronger impression and has a higher chance of being the one they emulate (we all know children are easily impressionable). If the children do not become abusive, chances are they will become timid out of fear that one day, the abusive parent will turn his or her venom on them. There is a need for such children to undergo intensive counselling in order to avoid a resonance of abuse.
Self-esteem is another issue plaguing society; men with low self-esteem beat up their successful wives because they feel she's on a high pedestal and needs to be brought down a notch or two. Some go to the extent of pointing out every ugliness they can find just so she can stop feeling so good about herself and of course, there are those that say "I just need to show her I am a man". You are a man? Why would you have to show me? Ladies beware; whenever a man says this, it is evidence he's actually not sure he is a man or he's not sure you perceive him as a man and has the desire to SHOW you. Does a tomato have to tell you it's a tomato? These men need help and really, it's not help man can offer, they need to turn to God... which brings me to my next point.
Abusive people need Christ- the wife that feels self-sufficient and lashes out venomously at her husband in front of their children needs the touch of God. Read more about curbing your tongue as a woman here http://www.covenantrelationships.org/2014/01/o-woman-curb-thy-tongue.html The husband who beats his wife tilll she is black and blue, drags her across the house naked, requires her to care to his every whim even at her own detriment needs to understand the word of God and what it says about love (Ephesians 5:25).
If you are in abusive relationship, don't stand around trying to be the helper, you will end up as a martyr. These people need professional help!!! You can help them get it but don't stick around as the punching bag! This is a topic that is very close to my heart and I will be writing more about it.
XOXO
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