Develop Your Selective Memory

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received before I got married was “To have a good marriage, you have to have a selective memory” and many of us do. Unfortunately, we seem to select the wrong things.

On Sunday, when my pastor talked about building alters he reminded me that so many times we worship at the altar of Satan, the altar of negativity becomes our go-to hang out spot, that altar of things gone wrong, of offence of the total and reoccurring recall of the fury you felt that time when you were talking (nagging) to hubby and he didn't even turn away from the football match only for him to suddenly lower his head and hold it in his hands in misery, but before you could even feel the elation of your words finally getting to him, you notice the distant but distinctive “Oh no” from his fellow football fanatics in other homes, then it hits you, he hadn't finally realized how bad he should feel that he hasn't listened to you all this while, he wasn't holding his head in dismay at the fact that your words had turned on the imaginary light bulb in his head, No.  His team just missed the goal.

The words ‘true colours’ often denote a person’s bad characteristics, a man will wait on a lady hand and foot but the day he doesn't do something characteristically amiable we say he is reverting to the ‘real him’. When it comes to marriage there will always be ups and downs. When difficult or unpleasant times come, we should drink from the fountain of our triumphs and know that troubles don’t last always. Instead we often allow the ‘downs’ to steal the joy of the ‘ups’ and eventually we give in to the ‘downs’ to the point where we block possibilities of there being any ‘ups’. At these times, our prayers are more like a litany of reports and complaints instead of affirmations of what we truly desire to see in our spouses.

I wonder, why don’t we fight these negative imprints on our hearts? Why are there so many memories of that steal our love for each other that steal our joy and our will to fight back and stand up for love, for the ones we love? How long are we going to just give in? We need to learn from our mistakes not dwell on them or rub them in each other’s faces.

Ijeoma Olujekun