Tips On How To Get Past Your Insecurities and Love Right

Perfect is only in our dreams and to each one of us, love holds different and separate meanings. Loving another and allowing them into our lives while giving them the power to see us at our most vulnerable periods and hoping they don’t abuse the power can be ranked with the highest expression of faith.

Much as love has been termed the best feeling and many people have said and highlighted how much it needs trust to thrive, most people are silently suffering because of the baggage of the past. Stepping outside all that has happened and loving another with no holds back is like a dream. The nightmares of a cheating partner haunts and taunt them. The thought of a terrible uncle slipping into their beds at the dead of night and his slimy body makes it hard to trust another man.

To them, love is suspect and control is the weapon. Hiding behind their insecurities and building bricks that they hope keeps them safe from getting hurt is very primal. I know a few people that can relate with this. Girls that excuse all their partners’ excesses because they are scared he might beat them like their ex or men that are quick to use their fists because they are still hurting from the deceit of the ladies they were with before. Everyday is like going round and round a circle and efforts get frustrated for lack of trust rooted in great insecurities.

Whatever the case might be, Some things are constant when people don’t heal from their pasts before moving into new relationships: the new relationship is bound to suffer and innocent persons suffer from sins they didn't commit.

Like I said earlier, baggage are of different kinds, it could stem from an abusive childhood to lover’s betrayals, but  whatever your baggage might be, you deserve to love and be loved back. If you are in a relationship or about to enter one and find that you fall in the category described above, then, you need to heal by doing the things highlighted below.

• Tell yourself the truth. The worst thing one can do to oneself is lying to oneself about the state of things. If you are insecure, accept to yourself that you are. This way you can move on to finding the solution to the problem you have.

• Having recognized the roots of your insecurity or problem, you need to take conscious steps to forgive whoever or whatever the cause is so as to be able to move on. Forgiving the past is a great therapy in order to move on; forgive whoever or whatever in order to declutter your mind. Understand it is not your fault that you got hurt so stop blaming yourself for another person’s mistake. Move from the hurt and anger by making conscious decisions to stop hurting. You are yourself’s greatest cheerleader. Don’t deny yourself the chance to be truly happy.

• Baggage or no baggage, loving another is a leap of faith, everyone deserves a chance to be treated based on who they truly are. Give those coming into your lives this chance. Don’t hold back because of something someone else has done. Imagine what would have happened if you were to be judged by another person’s wrongdoings. Just keep a positive outlook. Trust me there are still lots of good people in the world.

• Don’t try to take control. This makes you look sick and like a freak. You might inflict the same pain you suffered on somebody else and it all just keeps going around in circles. Just allow your heart love and let the emotions show. Don’t become a terrible schemer and manipulator because of what happened in the past.

• Let Jesus be your inspiration for love. He showed us undiluted and undeserved love. For every time we err, we are guaranteed of His forgiveness not because our sins don’t hurt him but because he not only understands what love is about but he is love in himself.

Marriage Blues: Is Your Partner Cheating on You?

Cheating is fast becoming a norm in marriage. many women endure it, some women dabble in it and there is the general belief that all men revel in it like it is a soiree to celebrate their latest promotion. I have always wondered why married people cheat on each other.

Why  go through the trouble of planning a wedding (which is no child's play), and  walking down the aisle to take vows, just so you can turn around and cheat on your spouse? It makes no sense. Having had my fair share of married men approaching me and telling me strange things that make me look up to God and ask "Where is my husband?", the issue of cheating in marriage is one that I am familiar with and I pray not to experience.

I once asked a married man that was pursuing me with all his energy "Don't you love your wife anymore?" I expected him to feed me the married man line and say "No. I fell out of love" but instead his response was "Yes I love her a lot." I was taken aback. Again, in my heart, I asked God, "Does my mr right need a GPS? If I had my own man, will I be receiving these indirectly insulting offers?"

Are You A Billboard Christian?

We live in very sanctimonious times; almost everyone is trying to pick out the speck in someone else's eye while they habour logs in theirs. Many of us are like matchmakers who never find love but are able to find perfect partners for everyone else. When it comes to God, we are quick to show others the way while we remain in the same position with regards to our relationship with God. We are billboards for Christ.

Now, being a billboard doesn't sound so bad at first; a billboard is something people look up to, a source of information, a source of direction. Billboards usually have phone numbers to call, addresses to go to and sometimes a pretty face that makes the adverts look convincing... sounds good if you're that kind of Christian right? the problem with the billboard is it never leaves its position. Come hail, storm, hell or high water, the billboard stays in the same position.

What's the Relationship Game Plan for a Happy Marriage?

My answer? None.

Many single people are curious. We want to know which way is the right way in relationships; how can we make sure our relationships lead to marriage and how can we make sure those marriages last?

Many people are quick to offer advice - "don't date a guy except you're 100 percent sure he will marry you", "don't show your partner you love him or her too much, else you'll be taken for granted".... the advice keeps pouring in, leaving many of us lost, unable to decide which direction to turn. I've met many miserable ladies who are desperate to be single simply because they followed someone else's 'game plan'. Just because Mr and Mrs A didn't date before they married or because a pastor dreamed they were meant to be, doesn't mean the same formula will work for you.

Many newly married couples are quick to offer unsolicited advice about how you should conduct yourself if you want to get a ring on your finger. "Show him you're wife material", "clear the issue of marriage before you even agree to date him".... sometimes I wonder, if men were to approach women and say from day one, "I want to marry you now", wouldn't we be skeptical of such men? There is no formula to make your relationship lead to marriage! Sounds pessimistic right? Yes, but it's true because you can only control how you act in a relationship, you can't control your partner's actions! Sometimes you can do everything right, say the right things, act the right way, yet still be left brokenhearted. I know a woman who did everything to please her husband, yet could not deter him from his philandering ways. Our worldly formulas don't work; they are formulas we've created because we feel street smart. Life is an irony; a woman may be unwilling to show how she feels about her man, yet he'll love her more than life while another woman who shows her feelings to her man will be considered clingy and annoying. Sometimes, the clingy women are even loved more while the women who believe in keeping their emotions under wraps are left to spend cold nights with their cats or parrots.

There is no single game plan to make a relationship work. What you can do is to continually pray to God for the right partner, pray for someone who will love you just as you are and will help you achieve God's purpose for your life. Xoxo

Pay It Forward!

I learned my first 'pay it forward' lesson as a 12 year old child. It was christmas season and gifts were pouring into our home from all corners. I don't know if bags of rice were on sale; that year, we received up to eight 50kg bags of rice. For some reason, I was excited as our helpers carried the bags of rice into the kitchen store. A few minutes later, my mum walked into the store and started to stick name tags she had written with a pen on six of the bags. I was shocked! She wanted to give out six out of eight bags. "Mum why are you giving all our bags of rice away?" I asked. She looked at me with surprise written all over her face... see, I have never really been much of a rice person, so I figured she was wondering why I cared if she decided to give all the bags of rice away. "Can we eat all these bags of rice in one year?" I looked at them and shook my head. 400kg of rice is A LOT!

She went on to say "when someone blesses you with more than you require, bless someone else with the extras instead of hoarding it all. That way, you create room for more blessings".

Many of us are blessing hoarders. We keep every blessing we get to ourselves, scared that if we give a little bit out, we will run out. We refuse to share gifts people bless us with, we refuse to even share information that may help other people because we are scared they may outshine us. It's time to pay that blessing forward! God blesses us not just because he wants us to be happy, he wants us to bless those around us too so that they can glorify his name and his power in our lives. Givers never lack- that's something I've learned from my mother to be a fact. It is not a myth; pay your blessings forward., share with others! Those six bags of rice my mum gave out fed six families for probably a year. I can only imagine how many times they prayed for her each time they cooked rice.

Being blessed means nothing if you're not a blessing. Xoxo

VIDEO: Ten Things Your Kids Want You To Know (FOR MUMS...DADS TOO :) )

This child is just so adorable and charming.

The Matchmaking Pit... Why You Should Avoid It

Matchmaking is one of those things I avoid as much as possible. These days, it is becoming popular as more and more people are out on a search for partners for their friends, relatives and in some cases, even their children. 

Call me a prude, but I find matchmaking rather burdensome. Sometimes, it works out that two people meet each other through a matchmaker, fall in love and end up having a blissful marital life. Most times however, matchmaking, done through family or friends don't work out too well. Friends and family tend to think they know what we need; if you're a talkative lady, you must want a quiet man. If he's a christian man with a good job, there's no reason you shouldn't like him...afterall, he ticks all the boxes on their list. Unfortunately, attraction is a key ingredient in relationships and many match-made couples tend to lack that. I always say, it is a nice thing if the matchmaker is a friend your age, who simply wants to hook you up with someone he or she believes you might find happiness with; it's a different story when it's someone older...like an aunt or a close family friend; except, you're stubborn and determined to not be swayed into unhappiness, you have a lengthy, uneasy road before you. 

I don't mind being introduced to men that could be potential Mr. Right, but the pressure to develop a relationship is what I detest. Many matchmakers, in a bid to add another badge to their cloaks, tend to push and push...words like "endure", "don't be hard to get", "go with the flow" etc are often used to push many people closer to their source of unhappiness. And we all know it's difficult to say no when it's an older family member...well, except you're like my sister who switched off her phone for days to avoid a hook up that would have been detrimental to her emotional wellbeing. 

Where there is no attraction or connection, the chances of having a happy relationship are a little slim to none. Don't be forced into something that will make you unhappy, simply because all your colleagues are married or because an aunt said "happiness and love will come". Remember, you're the one that will live with this person for the rest of your life, not your matchmaker. Be wise! It's your life and happiness at stake! Xoxo 

Tired Of The Monotony? Ways To Spice Up Your Relationship

I was on a dinner table with a couple of friends and acquaintances, clearing what was left of an overpriced plate of wings and fries when our conversation took a turn from politics to relationships. We were commenting on celebrity marriages, Jay-Z and Beyoncé in particular. There have been rumours of infidelity in their relationship. Of course everyone on the table wanted their voices to be heard and it wasn't long before we got  divided on gender basis. For the life of me, I can’t wrap my head around infidelity more so when you are married to a very attractive and smart individual(well, that’s how far those looking from outside can see). Someone on the table had a rather bizarre representation of why a man might cheat on his lady that I found both condescending and very myopic. According to him, no one should be subjected to eating the same meal every day.

Someone with that line of thought most definitely needs Jesus. How does one even start to explain “thou shalt not commit adultery” It is hard not to judge others atimes seeing as we all also aren't perfect.

I understood what he meant though, I just understand it differently; relationships might become monotonous atimes and one needs to spice things up a little bit from time to time.Baring this in mind,  below are a few suggestions that can work:

Take time away from eachother. This doesn't mean you should sleep in separate bedrooms or take long vacations away from eachother. It just means for you to have individual time. This is somewhat tricky for women especially when you have kids but you can take turns looking after the kids or better still get someone to help.  Remember when you were still dating and had to wait a day or two to see your significant other, there were always interesting things lined up for whenever you see yourselves and there would have been enough space  thereby creating longing in both hearts. This can be imbibed into marriages, let your husband have his guys hangout, do something fun with the girls, you will probably have lots to talk about when you come back home.  Spending some time apart will help you to treasure the time spent with your partner more.

Don’t be too rigid in your ways. Eat out sometimes. Try somewhere new every other time. Food makes for good conversation starters. Relive the times when you were dating.

Don’t get too comfortable. Most men are taken by what they see and most women are quick to forget that. Being a woman is a lot but don’t forget to take care of yourself. Wearing the same pair of pajamas or nighties might be boring, buy that beautiful lingerie and wear it for your husband. Let him have homely and naughty images of you in his head. husbands send your wives texts to compliment their looks . Send flowers to her workplace for the love of flowers.You both need to be hands on to keep your love fresh.

Your partner should also be your best friend so that in the absence of passion, there is something else that makes you still want to be with him/her. Nothing can take the place of great conversations, be sure to find this bond with your partner.For days when you are both indoors,play board games, you can even do this with the kids. Your lives don't have to become a routine,work-home-church,Find time for yourselves in between.

Lastly, let God be the inspiration for your love. I remember a friend once told me that he loves God too much to want to cheat on his wife.No matter what phase you are passing through, stay true to God and yourselves. Always remember we answer to Him first.

I am not saying there won’t be off days but even in those days, you’d know you have a good thing going on and messing it up shouldn’t be on your agenda.

Humility Is a Virtue We Must All Possess!!!

I never understood what the big deal with humility was until it started to define certain moments in my life. As a child, I grew up in an environment where social and class stratification were present, and I accepted it as a norm of life that certain people did not relate with certain other people in society. 

And as a child, I longed to be part of the higher class individuals that people fell over themselves to speak to; the high class individuals who had their noses stuck in the air everytime and only managed to respond to the greetings of those beneath them with a tiny wave of the hand.

As I grew up however, experiences taught me to long for humility. Life is not about class and human-imposed social stratification. Like patience, humility is a virtue we must all possess! I recently read the story of a man who worked at a giant butchery. One fateful day, he accidentally locked himself in the walk-in freezer. It was after hours and no one could hear him banging against the door or his muffled screams. As the hours went by, he accepted fate, convinced he'll be a frozen body, beyond resuscitation by the next day. Suddenly, the door opened and this butcher looked up to see the company's security guard. "How did you know I was here?" He asked. 

Appreciating Dads(Happy Father's Day)

I felt really bad when my dad called me this evening. Apparently I had forgotten to wish him a happy father’s day. it’s funny however because I had his picture displayed on my BBM profile picture all day like that was all I could do to appreciate him. I wonder how many people on my contacts, with different pictures of their dads on their profiles, were as guilty as I was. I have gotten so comfortable with him that I forget to appreciate him.

After I ended the call I was overwhelmed with a feeling of nostalgia. I was a child again with my dad tickling me and me laughing endlessly. I remembered how he used to drive me to the venue of every exam I wrote and waited till I finished with a bottle of soft drink and something to munch on to greet me soon as I entered the car, looking into my eyes with eagerness for me to assure him the exam was a walkover.  I needed no one to tell me he was as apprehensive about the results as I was and nothing can compare to the look of pride and contentment whenever those results were positive. It feels like a life I once lived now as I can see him leaning over my shoulders as I filled my jamb form telling me the pros and cons of some courses and schools.

Morning and evening prayers were compulsory and we read and learnt bible stories and verses just before bedtime. His acts of selflessness and discipline have taught me so much about love and sacrifice. All of those values he instilled made me who I am, he showed me the stuff a real man is made of and never to settle for less.  We have and still share too many great and not so great times than this page can contain. It took maturity for me to understand his stern attitude and his gentlemanlinesss.

This is me saying thank you for everything and taking time out to appreciate other fathers and women who had to play both roles. We love and appreciate you all.

Simple Ways To Develop Your Self-Esteem

As cliché as it may sound, self-esteem issues are issues that should not be ignored. Our character is formed on the backbone of our self-esteem, whether good or bad. These days, low self-esteem is increasingly rampant due to societal increase in physical and emotional abuse, absent parents and parents who are present but find it hard to build up their children. Low self-esteem issues are made even worse by the hypengyophobia present in this generation- no one wants to take responsibility for anything. We'd rather point fingers at one another, blame our past circumstances for the way we act presently and even try to wish away issues that keep us up at night. 

Unfortunately, low self esteem cannot be wished away. It is an issue that must be dealt with. If you suffer from a low self-esteem, don't hide yourself under a stone of dejection. Here are a few tips that can help:

1.) Take care of yourself: A low self-esteem can develop if you don't look after yourself. Unhealthy habits such as over-eating, or under-eating can contribute to a low self-esteem. As an individual, you need to eat right, not eat because of what society says or how society makes you feel. If you're obese or anorexic, you are not healthy! Skinny isn't equivalent to healthy, chunky isn't either. Eat right! Vegetables, fruits, proteins etc. Exercise is one of the ways you can improve your self-esteem. Studies have shown that women who exercise tend to feel better, look better and carry themselves better than those who don't. It was also shown that exercise boosts self-esteem and confidence in individuals.

2.) Be determined to fight it: Low self-esteem manifests itself in various ways; From fake lifestyles people project so they can earn the respect of others, to the inability to pay compliments out of jealousy. Women fall more into this category, as they are the more competitive gender. Learn to fight the urge to project who you're not! Remember God created only one of you. Trying to project a different image is a waste of who you really are and what you have to offer. Fancy handbags, shoes and clothes you can barely afford will only earn you the respect of empty individuals who do not look beyond the superficial. Pay compliments to those who look good at work, at school, church wherever. Don't go around thinking they are out to compete with you! Be happy with who God has made you to be and seize every legitimate opportunity you have to be better. 

3.) Remember God's Love Always: I say it often that we have forgotten how much God loves us, that's why there are so many people with low self-esteem taking the anger they have against themselves out on other people. Remember the bible says "Before you were conceived, I knew you"... You were not born by accident. God knows exactly why he created you the way you are. Always bask in the love of God; it makes you confident! God's love is unconditional and unfailing irrespective of how you see yourself. To him, we are kings and queens!

Be a Blessing to Someone Today!

Many of us are quick to classify ourselves as nice people; we have friends, we say hello to everyone at the office, we say nice things....we are simply nice. Sometime ago, I read a quote somewhere that said "Your day is incomplete if you haven't done something nice for someone that can't afford to pay you back". In our everyday lives, we tend to hang out with those who are equal to us; we do nice things for them, and even though we are not expecting them to pay us back, we know deep down that they owe us a favour.

A few weeks ago, at church, one of the pastors spoke passionately about giving; not just to the house of God but also to those in need, those that cannot afford to give back or even pay it forward. His message struck my heart as I remembered the many people that were homeless in winter and had no blankets to keep them warm on the park benches. I thought of those who couldn't afford one proper meal a day and the many children with worn out school shoes and torn makeshift handbags and I asked myself 'where are the christians in the land?' 

Being a christian is not simply about going to church, paying your tithes and offering, and making donations once in a while to the children's ministry or contributing to the choir's events. That sounds so monotonous and mechanical, like a routine that has been drawn up for us. Being a christian means being able to empathise with people who are stuck in terrible situations, even if you don't know them. Being a christian is not simply about obeying laws and doctrines, it's about being able to touch the life of someone, in a way that that person will be drawn to Christ. These days, Christians want to preach and show off their understanding of God's word and their ability to memorise bible verses, but we've forgotten that the best form of preaching is through our actions! 

Let's strive to be blessings to other people. Let children who do not know Christ be convinced they've had an encounter with an angel after they've met with us. It doesn't matter how small it is, it means a lot to someone else. At some point, I struggled to give because the devil was quick to remind me of how little I had. I often did some quick calculations in my head and told myself I had to save every extra cent. This went on for sometime until one day, a pastor in church said "Stop praying simply for more! God wants to know you can pay it forward. Pray that God would put you in a position to continually bless other people".

I challenge all the christians out there. Pray that you'll be a blessing to others. Start practising the act of giving with the little you have now. If all christians in the land would work together to bless people they do not know, people who can't afford to pay back, we will be winning more souls for christ! 

Xoxo

How Conflict Creates Connection For Couples- Dr. John Townsend

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted ..." Proverbs 27:6a (NIV)

When my wife, Barbi, and I were first married, we had conflicts about conflict. Looking back, it's kind of funny because I later went on to write a Christian relationship book called Boundaries in Marriage. Imagine watching us have boundary conversations about how bad our marriage boundaries were.

Barbi's approach to conflict was to avoid it. My approach tended to be more blunt. We'd talk about a problem, and it wouldn't go well. One of us would misunderstand, we would pull away from each other and the problem wouldn't get solved.

One day I asked Barbi, "When we argue, I never stop loving you. Is there anything I can do to make this better for you?"

She thought a minute and said, "Maybe if you let me know you love me before you confront me, that might help."

That was a good idea, so I agreed. The next time I wanted to have a talk with her about a concern, I walked in the room and said something like, "Honey, I just want to let you know I really care about you, and I hope you feel safe with me." Then when I brought up the problem, things went better for her and for us.

This method of having successful conversations went on for a while. As time passed, however, something changed. I needed to bring up an issue, so I began with, "Honey, I just want you to know..." Barbi said, "Stop! It's okay. I know you love me; just get to the problem."

We had a good laugh about it. Over time, she began feeling safe enough not to need reassurance before each conversation. She realized I loved her even in the midst of confrontation, and she was ready to go straight to problem solving.

When God created marriage, He gave us one of His best gifts. He provided a permanent and safe connection for a man and a woman to experience love, joy, meaning and purpose together. Genesis 2:24 says, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh" (NASB). God designed marriage to be a whole-person connection. This means that, more than in any other human relationship, every part of you ideally is to connect and cleave to every part of your spouse. The love you share should be complete as you intertwine your lives and emotions around each other.

Because marriage is such a wonderful type of relationship, confrontation within the marital relationship is very important. Who is better qualified to understand and speak to someone about a problem than the person living life right next to him? You are intimately involved with him. You see the real person, imperfections and all. More than anyone, a spouse should be able to see what her partner's true problems are.

Marriage is not about making each other happy; it is about growing and helping one's spouse to grow. Happiness can and does come to a good marriage. However, it is a byproduct of growth and life — not the goal.

Confrontation brings empowerment, which is the ability to make choices and changes in your relationship. God created all of us to be change agents for each other. We have a responsibility to influence the people in our lives to be the best possible people they can be. For instance, 1 Thessalonians 5:11a says, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up" (NIV).

As Barbi and I have learned to confront each other lovingly, directly and effectively, we are often pleased in the change not only in our marriage but also in ourselves. We feel a sense of power that we can make changes and that we have choices. God designed all of us to connect and act, and confrontation helps put the "act" into the connection.

Lord, thank You for the blessing of earthly marriage to display Your heavenly love for me. May I value marriage as all that You designed it to be. Help me move past seeking personal happiness and strive to develop growth in myself and my spouse. I trust You to guide my words and actions when conflict arises so that it can be an opportunity to connect in a deeper way. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

If your marriage is struggling, or you want to make a great marriage even better,Boundaries in Marriage  provides the answers. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend explain how you and your spouse can experience marriage at its best.

© 2014 by Dr. John Townsend. All rights reserved.

Culled from http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/page/2/

How To Protect Your Child Against Molestation

I am one of the most paranoid people I know. I have sneaked up on my help many times whenever I leave her alone with my baby(I have trust issues when it comes to leaving my child with anyone). Having spoken with other mothers, I have come to the conclusion this is a common trait in mothers especially the new ones.

The statistics for kids that get sexually abused is staggering and more alarming than this are the numbers that are linked to family members or well trusted people. The news doesn’t help much and with a large number of the society tending towards depravity, keeping one’s mind out of the gutters is not easy.

As Christians we need to understand that God’s grace is one of the major things that works when bringing up child(ren) and we ought to pray for truckloads of that. However there are humanly possible things we can do to protect our kids and sensitize them so they don’t fall prey to these sexual predators.

I found this list on Facebook and I agreed with most part of it, so, I decided to share:-

Here is a list of things you need to teach your Child(ren) at early age:

1: Warn your Girl Child Never to sit on anyone's laps no matter the situation including uncles.

2: Avoid Getting Dressed in front of your child once he/she is 2 years old. Learn to excuse them or yourself.

3. Never allow any adult refer to your child as 'my wife' or 'my husband'

4. Whenever your child goes out to play with friends make sure you look for a way to find out what kind of play they do, because young people now sexually abuse themselves.

5. Never force your child to visit any adult he or she is not comfortable with and also be observant if your child becomes too fond of a particular adult.

6. Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn you may need to patiently ask lots of questions from your child.

7. Carefully educate your grown ups about the right values of sex . If you don't, the society will teach them the wrong values.

8: It is always advisable you go through any new Material like cartoons you just bought for them before they start seeing it themselves.

9. Ensure you activate parental controls on your cable networks and advice your friends especially those your child(ren) visit(s) often.

10. Teach your 3 year olds how to wash their private parts properly and warn them never to allow anyone touch those areas and that
includes you (remember, charity begins from home and with you).

11: Blacklist some materials/associates you think could threaten the sanity of your child (this includes music, movies and even friends and families).

12. Let your child(ren) understand the value of standing out of the
crowd.

13: Once your child complains about a particular person, don't keep quiet about it.

Take up the case and show them you can defend them.

Remember, we are either parents or parents-to-be.

Have A Great Weekend .

Four Fun Inexpensive Birthday Tips(Making Your Significant Other Feel Special)

So, over the weekend, a friend calls me to remind me of her boyfriend’s birthday. She suggested we go someplace high-end and spoil ourselves to mark the day. Now, you can’t imagine just how excited I was that  we were going to be hanging out since it has been a while we all came together to have some fun plus free always sounds good J and high-end free sounds even better. I decided on a denim shirt and pants and was counting the days. She called me a couple of days to the time to tactfully tell me whatever I ate or drank was going to be on me(now, this might sound a little cheapskate to you but man! splurging on myself just cause it is a friend’s boyfriend’s birthday was definitely not in my plan). I shrugged off the thought that that sounded new to me. I know it is not so much of a strange culture in the western world but my Nigerian self believes if you invite me for a birthday, I should at least be getting a free drink.

I understand her dilemma, it sometimes seem like one would spend an awfully lot to plan a beautiful birthday but it really need not be. What matters most times is always the thought behind whatever one plans. I am going to share the following tips for those that have tight budgets but would love to wow their significant others.

• Surprise is always good and you can create it in different ways. Send a cake over to his workplace and show up just after the delivery to take him out if you have the time to or you could take him out to dinner. You can plan with some of his coworkers to have just a little decoration in the lunchroom if it is allowed at his workplace.

• Having friends around is equally good but you might want to plan some sort of refreshment too. This is always more pleasurable when you share same circle of friends. It helps the conversation flow better and the air would be friendlier. If you are really short on cash, it would be nice to tell your friends upfront so they can pick somethings up on their way to spice it up. You could watch a movie or hang out at a park. You can even go swimming or go to the beach. 

• If you are bent on going all out, then you can plan a weekend getaway to a nice spot. Do some adrenaline pumping things like visiting the amusement park. This would even be more fun if you have kids as they can also enjoy the day along with you. To achieve this you can save up from the year before and even check to see if you can get deals that would save you some money.booking ahead also helps to reduce cost.

• Always remember that what really matters is the thought behind whatever it is you are doing so don’t go overdoing yourself trying to be all you are not in a bid to impress or wow them. Handmade cards never run out of fashion, you can make one with words straight from your heart. I know the latest growth in technology has pushed cards to the background but they are still treasurable.

Back to me and my friend, we stayed back in the house and ate well prepared rice with peppery beef and turkey(tasted so good that I can still taste it)and creamy cake with loads of gist to spice up the day. We had so much fun and so did the celebrant.