Why Unhealthy Relationships Lead to Marriage

Recently, I was having a discussion with a friend about relationships, unhealthy patterns we tend not to notice and of course the hottest relationship topic- divorce. My friend went on to inform me about a friend of ours that's in a physically and emotionally abusive marriage, yet unwilling to get help. I didn't have a reaction to her not wanting to get help; I am aware that many women who are in abusive relationships tend to accept abuse as a way of life. However, the pressing question on my mind was "didn't she see all these signs in him before she got married? Why didn't she jump ship when things would have been less messy? My response to these questions came from pondering over past conversations with friends who were at the time, of marriageable age.

One of the main reasons why unhealthy relationships lead to marriage is because we are beginning to stretch the meaning of consistency and stability. After dating a certain individual for a lengthy period of time, irrespective of how tempestuous that relationship might be, many of us are willing to forge through the storm by getting married. This is rather surprising for me; to know that a person has mistreated you severely, let you down when you needed help the most, and possibly abused you emotionally and physically, yet believe it's best to spend the rest of your life with that person is just a little bit unthinkable for me.

I generally ascertain this trend to an obsession with a certain lifestyle- be it the feeling of being in a relationship, even with the least acceptable individual, or the feeling of virtual stability. By virtual stability, I mean a fake kind of stability projected to the public in spite of the storm raging within. This of course is because many people believe that getting married is the most important part of a relationship. Weddings are beautiful; of course we all want to get married, but the wedding pictures, no matter how perfect they seem will fade into something poisonous and ugly if we have married the wrong person.

STOP trading your happiness and possibilities simply because you believe the longer you are with a person, the more 'stable' things will become. Perhaps, you may enjoy stability in abuse, because that person won't change except he or she wants to. If a person is mistreating you, letting you down, refusing to commit, exhibiting unbecoming characteristics, yet you believe you need to stick with that person because you have come of a certain age where you need to stick with what's familiar, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness.

 

Sadly, this is the trend most relationships follow these days, and people wonder why the divorce rate is so high. Don't be afraid to jump ship if the sailor is heading in a direction that's not meant for you. Don't sacrifice your happiness for a brief moment (could be months or years) of virtual stability. I don't understand why many of us are afraid to meet someone new. Even when someone new comes along, we don't want to let go of what's familiar because we are scared the angel we don't know might be worse than the devil we know.

Today, I would just like to state that God did not plan for marriage to be hurtful; not even courtship should be hurtful. It doesn't mean you won't have differences and arguments. In spite of those, you will have respect, care, adoration and peace in your heart that will guarantee you're in the right relationship. Choose wisely, let go when love is no longer being served and trust that God has someone around the corner for you.

 

XOXO