Maintaining Your Individuality In A Relationship

I can’t put my hands on it

But I can feel something is wrong

Like a bad breathe, I can’t seem to shake it off

I am not about to ask for space like the lovers in the books do

I just think I have been so vested in Us that I miss Me.



How many times have you tried to imagine how your life used to be before your marriage. I hear many wives complain about not knowing how to have fun anymore .One is tempted to ask what efforts they have made towards having fun. If you take a poll, you'd find most of us are guilty of waiting on our spouse to make things happen like we never had interesting lives before they getting married. I find it quite amusing and interesting when I see couples that breathe down each other’s necks. The ones that depict the tale of the snail and its shell and have successfully webbed their existence around themselves. While this might seem enviable, it is not usually the case. Finding that significant other is absolutely amazing but equally important is being able to keep one’s personal identity.

 I know many people have conversations in their heads that starts with ‘Hello, I used to have a life before I met you’. We have the misconception that when we are in love, we always have to be in the company of the other person and are compelled to do things together but being in love doesn't automatically make us think alike. Loving another doesn't mean you have to stop being yourself. Much as we might not agree, the truth remains that some of the issues that stem up in relationships might be due to the dissatisfaction that arises from losing this individual identity.

We all have our individualities, qualities that define us from the other man. Things we love to do which our partners might not necessarily be interested in.things that generally defined us.This unique qualities that we possessed might be the reasons for our relationships coming into being. We had our circle of friends before we met that significant other and it will be a disservice to self to lose that identity because of the union.

In order to keep this individuality and stay happy at your relationship, keep in mind the following things.

·         Make time for yourself within the relationship. Honey, there is nothing wrong with having some ‘me’ time. I love some time to myself everyday when I can reflect on things and remind myself what and what is not important. I get this just before my husband gets in from work.I sometimes go out for pedicure just to refresh. When was the last time you took that drive with your favourite playlist on?We all have our different ways and things we enjoy doing. Try and find yours. You find yourself more refreshed and open minded about your relationship.

·         Talk about it. Couples make a lot of compromise and adjustment to be able to build their relationship and family together. Talk about the reasons why some things are important to you and make your partner see the sense in it. You both can be in love without necessarily being in the same space all the time.

·         Remember you had friends and families before you got involved with your partner. Make time for them and laugh about that old joke only you and your friends understand. The bond you share with these people might be totally different but it is equally important for your mental stability. It is not very healthy to be totally dependent on just your partner. Finding a balance is also absolutely necessary.

Many of us are guilty of having fabled expectations from relationships. Our lives don't need to follow a set way.  Bear in mind that it is also very important to spend time together. So no matter what you do, there should be that meeting point for both of you. Being happy together grows from being happy individually. Work towards finding that balance and staying happy.

Photo Credit: catherine-morris.com