I used to know a kid while growing up, he had one of the
cutest smiles at birth and many people around then were very fond of him. His mum
had another child just after he turned one and there was a huge responsibility
bestowed upon him to act ‘old’. He was deeply chastised for every wrong and
when he couldn’t string simple words together when some of his mates were, his
mum became more furious. I could see then that she meant well but even my young
self knew the constant shouting and nagging wasn’t going to help the kid
improve. His younger brother learnt to do some things before him and he was
referred to as the foolish one most times. He was always very quiet and
withdrawn and one could sense his timidity by just looking at him. His lack of
confidence hung on him like cigarette smoke and he only spoke when it was absolutely
necessary. His younger brother reported that he always got bullied in school
and all his mum could say was that he needed to stand up for himself. Of course
she said that in her usual condescending way of putting him down and emphasizing
how slow he was. I wish I knew what I know now, I would probably have been able
to help him and his mum.
In a huge contrast, I watched a video online today of an
adorable little girl that was called ugly by another child but gave one of the
most appropriate ANSWERS I have ever heard. Some kids her age would have coiled
deep into themselves and silently nurse deep hatred for not looking as gorgeous
as some other person. Her confidence was evident and I could tell it had to do
with those surrounding her.
Parents are primary influencers in children’s lives and that
role has to be skillfully played. Any wrong word or decision might ruin the
child’s life. There is enough negativity
outside, what that child needs is your support and words of encouragement.
All kids are not the same. Some learn really fast while
others take their time. Jack’s emotional needs are different from Jill’s. It is
wrong for parents to compare one child to the other or to constantly hammer on
a child’s shortcoming. Recognise when a
child has a special need and work with him on that. We need to be mindful
of what we say to the kids. If a kid is being talked down on and put down at
home, he would probably be trampled upon more among his peers.
As a parent, you need
to be patient in dealing with a child. You owe that child the duty of
showing him the right way. The bible says ‘train a child in the way he should go,
even when he is old he will not depart from it’.
Mummy Carson took it upon herself to learn how to read so as
to help her child that was doing so well and the child turned out to be a great
man. You need to be your child’s
greatest cheerleader. This doesn’t mean you’d never chastise them but you
need to let them have a sense of security away from the insensitive world while
at home. Confident leaders didn’t become who they are by getting jeered at by
their parents.
I know stress and
frustration can sometimes take its toll on you but you need to find a different
channel to let out. Don’t take it out on your child(ren). Don’t destroy
your child’s future with your actions and words.
Have a great week.
PhotoCredit:Christian-parenting.org
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