When we talk about relationships, we like to throw the word 'compromise' around. Everyone talks about how compromise is the name of the game, and if you want your relationship to work out, you must be willing to compromise all the time. I don't have any problems with compromise; as a matter of fact, I also believe it is the sure-fire way to make your relationship work. However, like everything else in the world, too much compromise can make your relationship fail, rather than help it work.
There are certain things you ought not compromise in your relationship, and as selfish as they may seem, they are the things that give you a sense of belonging and contribution to the relationship. Below, I have listed three things that stand out to me. These are three things that I have learned the hard way never to compromise and I believe it is worth sharing with everyone.
1.) Your identity: This is one thing you should NEVER EVER give up simply because you want to be in a relationship with someone. Your identity is who you are, and is comprised of little things that make you who you are. Who you are determines what you will contribute to a relationship, and it is disheartening to give that up simply because you want to become a clone of your partner. Stick to your originality! Trying to be someone else is not something you can keep up for long, and soon it will result in cracks in your relationship. Don't give up your real self to impress someone; don't tame your personality to give the wrong impression. Simply be yourself; the person who will accept you for who you are will come along, and you'll find the relationship much easier!
2.) Your dreams: How many times have I heard people say "I always wanted to do a,b,c... but when I met Sally or John, we decided it was better to forget that and live in the real world". So many dreams are truncated in the name of compromise. They eventually lead to very unhappy people, and subsequently troubled relationships. Don't give up your dreams! That's not compromise, it's selling yourself out! Your dreams, no matter how small or big they seem are part of the things that 'breathe' life into you everyday. They are the reasons you wake up excited every morning, the reason you see each day as an opportunity to be joyous. Don't give them up simply because you believe your partner's dreams and aspirations are more important than yours. Your dreams are your fuel for life. Without them, all you'll be is another clone of someone else, and mediocrity will be your first name. Your partner will get bored when he or she discovers you have lost your drive, and before you know it, you will find yourself
3.) Your Core Values: When it comes to core values, I have learned that it is better to be with someone who shares the same core values as you do. It is easier to build a relationship where both parties agree on what the fundamental building blocks should be. Once you begin to compromise your core values, your identity begins to lose its 'footing' (for lack of a better word). You slowly find yourself absorbing values you can barely comprehend, and before you know it, you are confused, and simply going through the motions of the relationship. But one day, you will wake up and realize you are not living life the way you want. You will crack under the pressure of this unknown way of life you once gleefully accepted and you will eventually find yourself sitting at crossroads- to turn back to what you knew or keep walking a path you probably will never understand.
There are probably a few more things on your mind about compromise. Do share your thoughts. XOXO
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