There are times when relationships end and one partner just doesn't understand why. There are many times women find themselves being 'dumped' and they really can't explain what it is they may have done wrong. The guy changes all of a sudden, ends things and two months later, meets someone else and gets married in a jiffy. It all happens so fast, one can't help but conclude that he has been planning this move for a very long time. Perhaps he has, but why?
There are certain reasons why a man would decide not to marry you and these are the big five ones for me:
1.) You are too insecure: Insecure has a whole list of other names: clingy, jumpy, unnecessarily emotional, ....but basically you bring in unnecessary drama into the relationship. You raise an eyebrow at every silly move, you cry at every opportunity, you get jealous when he speaks to anyone in public, you basically want him to be under your thumb because you are just scared of being in a room by yourself. No man wants a woman who can't hold her own, a woman who complains every time his phone rings, or a woman who is always on the lookout for an opportunity for a dramatic display. Ladies, understand this: if you are dating a CEO, his phone will ring off the hook. If you are dating an entrepreneur, he won't always have time to sit around and brush your hair, and if you are with a man who's a public figure, chances are he will talk to women, smile at them and perhaps hug them, it does not mean he is cheating with them! Be secure in the fact that he chose you, and that counts for a lot!
2.) You are too easy: Heard the saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Yeah...that still applies. In this day and age when people get divorced like they are buying new underwear, marriage does not hold the same sacred value as it did in the past. People are finding it easier to walk away from relationships, from marriage, even from their families. Running after him, being too eager, too available too easy will make you come across as a boring quest that's no different from any other girl in the street. Men like to have something unique; it aids their ego to be able to say they chased after the woman they have and they got her, because in a funny way, it makes them feel they had the right strategies in place for the chase. Don't go to his home uninvited, don't go on an impromptu trip with him two days after meeting him. Respect yourself, your schedule and your life else he will never respect you. Being easy is not just about sex; you can be really easy even without spreading your legs. By asking 'how high' when he says "jump!", you're also on a whole new level of 'easy'. And oh! thinking sex will get him hooked is a myth that should be left for the movies.
3.) You just don't get it: Ditsy might be cute on TV but it sure isn't to any intelligent guy searching for a wife. By wife, I mean a partner who they can match with intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. If you are one of those ladies who believe looking pretty is all you need to hook a CEO, you are in for a rude awakening. Forever is a very long time to share with someone, and I believe most men are looking for a woman who can understand their trials and successes. Nobody wants a woman who goes off on a random tangent EVERY single time! Like seriously ladies, bring your opinions home before you start talking about a guy you saw on a camel on the highway with his hair braided and his ear pierced....yeah... no one cares about that.
4.) You lack etiquette: Too loud, too aggressive, too ill-mannered, lack of conversation skills... the list goes on. There are so many women out there dreaming of the perfect man, yet they refuse to let go of these horrifying attributes. Most men don't want a loud woman who speaks like she's addressing a crowd of thousands, when really she's addressing only him, and he's just two steps away from her. Men don't appreciate women who are glued to their phones on a date. If he has just met you, he's not interested in knowing about your friends and what you all get up to! He's interested in you and just you, and etiquette demands that you show some interest in him too. Don't just ramble on and on about yourself! You are not a radio. Ask some questions, smile politely, speak firmly yet softly..Ladies please stop speaking like you might give up the ghost any minute. It does not help!
5.) You lack focus: Oh...how I wish many women would understand this. No normal man is working hard and looking for a spouse that will simply bath herself in his success. You need to have plans for your life too! And that plan cannot be "to marry a rich man". What do you intend to achieve? How are you working towards it? How far are you with it? Are you making progress or stuck in a rot? These are questions a man with vision will ask himself before deciding if he wants to commit to you. Studying the same degree for ten years, not because of extenuating circumstances, but because you have a lackadaisical attitude will not attract the high quality man you want. If your body attracts him, your attitude towards life will chase him away. Focus! Dream big! Work hard! A real man with vision appreciate these qualities and will perceive you as a true partner.
Of course there are many more attributes women possess that tend to chase men away but like I stated earlier, these are the big five for me. I am working on a follow-up post that addresses men and the big five reasons why they won't commit. Look out for it! Till then XOXO
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