Balance is probably every woman’s nightmare. The one recurring
question I’ve heard at meetings where successful women were given a platform to
speak was how they’ve been able to become successful, keep their homes
together, and still manage to crawl out of bed every morning. Why no one asks
men the same question is still beyond me, but that’s a topic for another day.
The work-family-life balance is indeed a nightmare for women as it sometimes
causes them to make life-changing decisions all in a bid to ensure they have
the important things on lockdown.
So how can you achieve it? I got some pointers from women
with the most nerve-racking jobs who still have time to meet with their friends
for dinner every now and then, and still attend to their children’s pressing
needs. Here they are:
1.
Choose the right partner! The most valuable
lesson I learned from these women is that the kind of person you choose to
marry will determine how balanced your life is. A partner who’s wrapped up in
his/her own little world, or obsessed with gender roles within the family will
probably not be of much help to you when it comes to striking balance. An
obsession with gender roles suggests that your partner will not cross into your
zone to assist you even if all the boxes around you are falling into bits and
pieces. He will not help you clean on weekends, assist with putting the
children to bed, or even order takeout for days when you return home exhausted;
just like she will not pay a cent towards the family’s financial upkeep because
you know, that is your territory. An obsession with gender roles will result in
one partner falling beneath the weight of all they are expected to do, while
the other partner simply lives in an oblivious zone to these struggles.
2.
Get help…As much as you need. I find it rather
interesting these days that women are often made to feel guilty for getting
help. People say things like “How can you expect a stranger to raise your
children?” or “Will your children ever sing the song ‘sweet mother’ for you and
mean it? These statements suggest that to have true balance, a woman must either
give up one phase of her life, or suffer beneath the strain of her choices
alone. If she wants to be a mother and a career woman, fine! But she shouldn’t
complain when the strain breaks her neck. Well, that’s what it sounds like. The
option of getting help is often a last resort approach. I learned that it is
necessary to get help as soon as you need it. It doesn’t hurt to have a person
who comes in once or twice a week to clean the house, and do the laundry. It
doesn’t hurt to pick up ready-made meals on your way home to ease the strain of
having to cook after a long hard day, and not getting any time to spend with
your children or even your husband. It doesn’t hurt to have your children
picked up from school by a well-trusted individual who can help them with their
homework, while you simply go over it with them after dinner. Getting help does
not mean you are weak. It means you are a leader who knows when and why she
should delegate. With sufficient help on your side, there’s no reason for your
work life, family life or social life should suffer.
3.
Be realistic with yourself. You are not a robot.
The more time you spend stressed out, the more drained you become emotionally,
and the more your self-esteem takes a big knock. Decide on the things that are
truly important to you and focus on them. You don’t have to volunteer to help
out with every single event at church if you know you barely have the time as
it is, and you don’t have to step up to the plate every single time within the
neighborhood to do a bake sale or organize a car wash. Sometimes, we do these
things for the wrong reasons- to either make people admire us, or to fulfill
our sanctimonious desires. Sometimes, it’s OK to have nothing to do and just
spend the weekend resting. Sometimes, it’s OK to send your children on a day
excursion to somewhere interesting with the nanny while you bond with your
spouse, and just have some fun. It doesn’t paint a bad picture of you, unlike
what the world would have you think. It paints a balanced picture of how you understand
that everyone in your family needs your attention and they all need a different
kind of attention.
You can achieve work-life-family balance if you are open to
understanding your limitations and your needs, instead of drowning in the
pressure the world believes you should drown in. Any more tips? Do share! XOXO
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