“You Don’t Make Him Feel Like a Man"

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I have heard this statement so many times, I’ve actually lost count. There’s always that one friend in a group of female buddies who highlights the fact that you are not making your man feel like a man. She’s that female friend who has learned the arts of submission, acceptance and selflessness all so well, it is hard to imagine her life spiraling out of control, or her relationship falling apart. She is the female friend who is adaptable to any new man she meets, the female friend who understands the need to adjust her life to suit her man’s needs, and well, make him feel like a man. So it only makes sense that she’d point out to you that your man might be acting out because you’re failing in your duty to make him feel like a man. 

Of course women are not the only ones who think it’s their duty to make their men feel like men. Some men express this opinion very strongly. They use it as an excuse for unbecoming behavior and in many cases infidelity. “You don’t know how to make me feel like a man. You should go and learn from your friends”. This complaint is usually followed by supporting statements like “You’re trying to control me”, and the infamous “you’re too strong; your dreams are too big”. *Sigh… the list of complaints is rather long but let’s talk about the “make me feel like a man” bit. 

In a bid to make their men feel like men, many women sacrifice their dignity, self-respect and self-worth. They take on a self-sacrificial role where they cannot speak out of line, act out of line or express any emotions out of line. They stick to the script of the perfect woman, in a bid to make their 

men feel like men. 

Well, here’s what I’ve got to say. 

It is ABSOLUTELY NOT your duty to make your man feel like a man! It is not up to you to boost his self-esteem. He’s your man, not your child; so really, you shouldn’t have to raise him like a son by sacrificing yourself. I am yet to understand what it means to make a man feel like a man anyway. In my opinion, every morning, when he wakes up and he finds his penis intact, the rest is up to him. You should not go out of your way to make a man feel like a man all in a bid to save your relationship.

If he feels your natural personality is a threat to his manhood, then you should be questioning his manhood too, not trying to save it. I don’t think secure individuals who know what they want out of life wait for people to come around to validate their gender before they go about their day. Many men who utter this statement are men who are highly insecure, and take pride in breaking down their women. More often than not, this statement is a preview of abuse to come, and if you know what’s best for you, you’ll run while you still have legs and willpower to do so. 

Many women have accepted the duty to make their men feel like men. It’s like being hired to let your boss know she has hair, or boobs; she either does or she doesn’t. She should be able to figure that out on her own! Same way it is downright ridiculous that you would go into, or stay in a relationship where you have to prove to your man that he is a man. If he is second-guessing his masculinity, he will definitely project his insecurities on to you, and rob you of your self-worth, all in a bid to aggrandize himself and create delusions of grandeur. Don’t be a victim.