Don't Poke Holes in Your Relationship!

dsm.com

Many couples find themselves heading to divorce courts over emotional abuse, psychological abuse, physical abuse, infidelity etc. Some couples head to divorce courts because of irreconcilable differences, and more often that not, I ask myself what that truly means. What is it that happens during the course of marriage that suddenly renders it an impossibility to fix due to differences? How do couples who live under the same roof suddenly wake up and decide their differences cannot be reconciled, hence it is best they go their separate ways? Perhaps, interviewing such couples might reveal a lot, but the truth is irreconcilable differences are often a result of holes people poke in their relationships themselves. 

The truth many couples fail to understand, or should I rather say fail to acknowledge is that they set the stage for 'irreconcilable differences' by poking holes in their relationships. How does one poke holes in a relationship? The answer is pretty easy - by neglecting your partner. 

Neglect is a big factor in many broken relationships even though many people fail to admit it. In this fast-paced world, it is easy to get carried away with your personal ambitions to a point where you ignore the needs of your spouse and the needs of your marriage. You find yourself caught up in so many interesting personal pursuits, personal aspirations, personal goals etc, that the only thing that interests you is what serves you. You will not notice you are neglecting your spouse because you somehow convince yourself that you are doing all these pursuits for the good of both of you. Stop and think! If you have been cancelling dates, avoiding intimacy, been too tired to chat, falling asleep before your head touches the pillow, and disappearing on weekends to gain in on your pursuits, your partner might be feeling neglected. Neglect pokes holes, and where there are holes, anything can flow in. Whenever there are holes in a ship, it is more likely than ever to sink. When you poke holes by neglecting your spouse, you leave the door wide open for infidelity, complacency where your relationship is concerned, and underlying strife that will boil to the surface with time. 

The key to avoiding 'irreconcilable differences' is to carry your spouse along in your decisions and pursuits. Make sure you are not so self-absorbed in what you stand to gain. Rather create a balance between personal goals and relationship goals to ensure you both stick together through the journey. If you currently have holes in your relationship, fill them with intimacy, acts of love, respect, and exchange of ideas and opinions. XOXO