Merry Christmas to you all.

May the joy of His birth bring forth new blessings to your household, Amen.

Is it possible to rape your spouse?

Some people believe that it is impossible to rape your wife or your husband and that according to the Bible in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5

"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.".

So if the Bible says this, there can be no rape in marriage.

Let's start with the definition of rape.

Beware of the First Impression Trap

The first impression is a trap many people unknowingly walk into, and can't get out of. The first impression like many people say is either a deal breaker or a deal maker. It can set the course for professional, physical or deeply emotional relationships. It can set the stage for how a person treats you as an individual. It is more or less the foundation on which many relationships are either built or ignored. A bad first impression can really make you want to run in the opposite direction. A good first impression is magnetic, and can make you dreamily hope for a phone call or a text, perhaps even an email. A good first impression can also be a trap. 

For so many people, decisions are made based on first impressions. Many women make a decision to date a man based on the first impression they have of him. They make a decision to date based on a good first impression. And really, there is nothing wrong with being drawn to a person based on an amazing first meeting, however making decisions based on the first impression can be very tricky. Many men fall into this trap too, and start singing a different song a few months into the relationship. The songs may differ between sexes; however the chorus is always the same - "He/she is not who I thought she would be".

You're probably wondering why people spend their energy complaining about how much a person has changed when they can just leave. That's because a decision based on a good first impression is hard to reverse when the person's true character starts to show through the cracks. A decision based on a good first impression often results in you hoping that person will change and become the person you had an encounter with when you first met. A decision based on a good first impression means you're making a decision to date a person without first getting to know who that person really is. 

The first impression is a trap that can draw you in, but be sure to first assess a person's character before you start to think you've found the one. Be sure to spend enough time with a person before you make up your mind on whether or not you want to go into a relationship. XOXO

How To Protect Your Child From An Eating Disorder

There is no doubt that many young individuals go through an identity crisis at some point. It is very common among teenage girls to be caught up in the desire to be stick thin. For some reason, runway models seem to be the ideal projections of a woman's figure hence teenage girls are very likely to subscribe to this image, and aim to achieve it. I was watching a TV show recently where a young girl confessed to a 'chew and spit' technique as a way of keeping herself thin, with the intention of losing a further 20kg. Needless to say, her parents were distraught, at crossroads, and unable to make her stop.

The big question of course is how do you know if your child has an eating disorder? Some children are so good at eating their disorders, it is almost impossible for their parents to tell until the physical signs start to show. The very first sign to look out for is when your child starts to cut down drastically on food. Look out for dinners left untouched for many consecutive days, or foods where only certain food groups are consumed because they have lower calories. In this case, try to include healthier and wholesome options in your meals. Don't encourage an eating disorder by filling the house up with sugar, unhealthy carbohydrates and unhealthy fats. Rather fill up the refrigerator with fruits vegetables, lean meats, omega 3 and 6 fats etc. With such choices available, you will be able to convince your child to eat more.

Secondly listen attentively for any adverse body image talk. Teenagers are likely to express dissatisfaction with their bodies before they indulge in eating disorders. It is the first stage of the process where they try to reassure themselves they have a valid reason for indulging in an eating disorder, and if there are no protests strong enough to change their minds, they are likely to go into it in full swing. Listen to what they say about their bodies; is it negative or positive talk? If it is positive, reinforce it. If it is negative, address it. Reassure your child of how awesome her body is, and how it makes her stand out in a good way.

Thirdly, make sure you have a healthy relationship with food as a parent. Teenagers are very likely to copy behaviors expressed by their parents so if you have an unhealthy relationship with food, chances are your child will too. So it is important that you address your attitude first. Eat healthy portions of healthy food groups. It will encourage your child to do the same.

XOXO

Uncovering Cans of Worms: Is Your Lover Truthful To You?

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I attended an interview some time ago and I was wondering why in the world employers get so paranoid. They literally scrutinize all one says one is about. It doesn’t matter if one was the best spoken and made the best impression, they just still feel the need to check if one is truly who one poses to be. I remember being contacted by a relative’s HR office to check on her guarantor’s details weeks after she resumed, she probably has already forgotten she submitted such.  A friend that works in the UK told me employers even run a total background check which includes mental, criminal, health and physiological tests.  I think I might have been wrong for judging their skepticism. Events unfolding have made me realize that the human race is not the most truthful race and while it might seem to some people that conducting an investigation into details supplied by an intending employee is off the top, it is of absolute importance and is nothing personal. To be fair, I think this sort of thoroughness ought to be employed in making relationship decisions. We need not allow ourselves to be totally ruled by our emotions, some healthy dose of skepticism is allowed. I am an advocate of love and an ambassador of together forever, but even I know that uncovering some cans of worms after one might have sworn forever is not so delightful. There is a lot of oddity around the world. Imagine getting married to someone you thought you knew well only to discover he bears three totally different names and has numerous separate lives that you’re unsure of what part of him is real? How about getting infected with a deadly virus by someone that professes love for you, and knowingly too because you discovered the person has been on retroviral long ago? Given the many other awful instances, you might not find it so shocking to discover that someone whom you thought had his life together and has probably completed his degree program never even passed through high school. The thing is people have had to face even more painful surprises.  The problem in all these cases is that minds are not transparent, thereby making it hard to distinguish between lies and truth. One needs to be well informed for the sake of one’s future. Love is the word they all profess but one ought to be able to see past that, don’t be scammed by loving smiles and sugar coated words, ask the right questions. Look past the flowers and the incessant phone calls while seeking answers to whatever grey area. Who arehis/ her friends? Are you following his/her social media pages? Have you met his family members? How about going for a comprehensive blood and mental test. If you are going to take on baggage, at least be sure about the weight.Above all, seek God’s face, listen to what the Spirit says to you. 

On the Brink of Insanity: The Case of Janet Bond

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When it comes to life, people, jobs, and anything else that can play on my emotions, I have one simple rule - "the moment you start to act in an unbecoming manner, or you find yourself evolving into someone else, it's time to cut your losses and move on."

This rule has always worked for me; perhaps it is one of the reasons why people get frustrated with me when I don't rise to the occasion of anger, emotional outbursts of unnecessary slander, and fist fights. Nope, you would not catch me engaging in any of those. If I need to give a piece of my mind, I will do so as calmly as possible and be on my way. But of course you're not here to read about how I handle conflict or emotional displays of strife in my life. You are here to read about Janet Bond, and possibly find out who she is. No need to keep you in suspense- You are Janet Bond. You and the many other women who have let the failure of their relationships push them to the brink of insanity. 

I've always known that women are not exactly big fans of one another. Placing a seemingly superior woman in a room full of seemingly 'normal' women can turn the room green with envy. O yes, there is such a thing ass collective envy where women hate on someone they perceive as superior, not because she's a bad person but because you know... she swishes into the room like she owns the place and comes across as 'off-ish'. That really does not surprise me. It's not normal for me, but it's not surprising. What surprises me is the women who date and marry philandering men, or force men to be with them, and then proceed to stalk, threaten and possibly maim any other woman that man comes in contact with. Yes, those are the Janet Bonds... they can tell you how many parts per million of oxgen their man inhales in a day, and his resting heart rate. They check the car mileage to be sure he went to work and nowhere else; they divert his calls to their phone just so they can yell at any female voice on the other end. Yes, they actively seek out any woman they think might take their place, and proceed to announce that they are married to the man in question, and have no plans whatsoever of relinquishing their position. It doesn't matter if she's just his buddy or even a client; the lines must be drawn and she must know who calls the shots where the mister is concerned. 

*SIGH*

Dear Janet Bond, please stop! Stop before you go over the wall into full insanity. Stop before you end up in a psychiatric hospital chained to a bed, with doctors administering sedatives to keep you normal. Your public displays, stalking, and emotional tantrums are all you need to see that your relationship is not working. No, it's not because of his female friend or his female colleague. Its because he doesn't care enough for you and deep inside you know it. 

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On the Issue of the Absent Partner

I am beginning to come to terms with the fact that I will get surprised by people's actions and their attitude to relationships even though there isn't exactly anything new under the sun. It surprises me that so many people take some things in stride and are determined to go with the flow of oddities, one of which happens to be the issue of an absent partner. 

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Let me paint a picture in your mind really quickly: Boy meets girl and there's a spark. Boy smiles, girl smiles back. Boy reckons girl is into him, and asks girl out on a date. Girl agrees and it turns out the spark between them could light a fire. After a few dates, boy and girl start dating officially, and everything seems fine, until boy or girl decides putting so much effort into a beautiful relationship is a waste of time. Boy or girl decides to prioritize work, the gym, afternoon naps, and weekends in solitary over the relationship while the other person is left to wonder what on earth is going on. 

If you are in a situation where your partner would rather spend time alone than with you on almost every occasion, then I have just one piece of friendly advice for you - L.E.A.V.E. 

I have watched a few people in this situation obsessing over what they possibly did wrong and attempting to fix things they did not break. An absent partner who goes AWOL for no reason in particular and only sends the occasional reassuring messages to let you know you're still in a relationship is no partner at all. This does not apply to partners who are genuinely busy, but to partners who simply do not value your presence in their lives. You'll know if a person values you by the time and energy they spend on you. If there's no time or energy investment, I would like to advice you to cut your losses and move on. It will not change once you get married. It will not get better once you start living together. If you are currently with a partner who would rather spend time alone than hang out with you, then you're signing up to be ignored a lot should you ever get married. Save yourself the emotional strain and psychological torture. 

Relationships cannot be truly built if two people don't spend quality time together. In fact, I believe quality time should be a standard love language. If your partner treats you like a piece of furniture that only gets attention when the house is being cleaned, then you have no business being in that relationship. Don't fool yourself into thinking you need to adjust yourself to meet his or her needs, or fit yourself into a seemingly empty schedule. Go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated. This will save you a lot of future heartache. XOXO

Is Your Love Enough For Both of You?

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I have heard it so many times, at some point, it seemed plausible. Can one person's love be enough to salvage a relationship? 

I've watched movies like fireproof which showed that one person had to make the effort to stop fighting, and instead start loving. Of course it could prove to be an uphill climb if the habit of battling each other has become deeply rooted but with love, anyone can be won over. I also watched movies like diary of a mad black woman where a marriage of 18 years had suffered so many casualties, the remains of it where ashes remaining to be blown into thin air. And I have spent a considerable amount of time wondering if acts of love from one partner could steer a relationship to the right destination in spite of all the odds and adversity faced. 

These days, many good-natured men and women find themselves in relationships where they receive nothing in return. They spend a lot of time and energy investing in relationships where they give, give and give some more with no indication whatsoever that their investments will be paid back to them in any way. This stems from the general idea that love is about giving without receiving anything in return, but is also built on the hope that showing acts of love will make a relationship failproof even if the other person does not engage in such acts. If you are of this belief, STOP!

There is no such thing as one-sided love being able to sustain a relationship. It just won't work. Your love is not enough for both of you simply for the clear reason that the other person is not a toy or a robot. The other person has feelings, ideas, opinions etc. You cannot simply take charge by showering a person with love and expecting them to follow suit. It just does not work that way. This is why many good men and women get hurt. They keep investing in people who cannot be bothered to reciprocate their feelings, and get shocked when those people turn their backs and run into the arms of someone else who is seemingly undeserving. 

Stop hurting yourself unnecessarily. Your love alone cannot sustain your relationship. Instead of obsessing over a person who continuously takes from you, realize that the said person does not even belong to you. Seek real love that gives and receives. Give love, but even more importantly, receive love - this is the secret to successful relationships. XOXO

Five Important Life Lessons We Can Learn From Kids

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I attended my child’s carol service today, it was very refreshing and therapeutic watching all the presentations. It was all so overwhelming that I felt I was being taken years back in my head to when I was a little child. I can’t remember what role I played in my school play but I can remember now how so beautiful and innocent it felt like being a child. I was jolted back from my thoughts by the barely audible song rendition by the preschoolers, whom one could tell were so happy they were finally showing off all they had learnt and rehearsed. They were oblivious of their mistakes and just kept going.Childhood is just so blissful. I whine about missing childhood a tad too much that one might wonder if there is nothing good about growing up. On the contrary, the two periods in one’s life are totally different. Each period is not without its distinctive lessons. The sad thing however is that we grow up before appreciating and trying to relearn some values that naturally came to us as children.Being around so many children today reminded me of those values we ought to relearn from children. 

• Be determined, never stop trying: Have you ever stumbled upon a child who is trying to sit/walk/talk. Such child finds every opportunity to perfect that act. A child trying to sit on his own would probably scream when you are trying to make him lie down. I remember just how determined my daughter was when she was learning to stand and walk on her own. She put in so much work into it. It is the first thing she did whenever she woke and she fell asleep trying. Every day came with its own improvement and she just never got discouraged through the stutters and falls.

• Be forgiving: Children hardly hold grudges. You could hurt them this minute and in the other minute they are on your laps giggling at the silly faces you are making. This definitely makes them very easy going creatures with lots of room for love.

• Never lose your sense of wonder: Do you notice how children are always excited about new things.my child is awed by so many things that are favorite word has to be ‘wow’. The sense of wonder of the average child is greater than that of many adults. My niece stares at the sky for long minutes at a time that I cannot help but think of the thoughts that might be forming in her head. She probably wonders at the many shapes of clouds and the ever changing colours of the sky because she once asked Aunty, why is the sky black today?”

• Stay curious: No question is off limits with them, why is this not that, why is that not this. You find them spending hours checking an object and observing every part of it. They are ever ready to learn more.

• Be courageous: This trait of theirs is almost crazy. You can argue that this trait has to do with the fact that they do not know many things like how badly one can be scarred from playing with hot water or that naked electricity wires can be deadly, but it is also one of the reasons they are such awesome beings. Having no limitation make them explore and achieve so many more. They learn their lessons in hard ways atimes but it is never enough to keep them down.

 Growing up is really good, it is so super nice to be able to tell good from bad. Being an adult however makes us become too rational. We cannot particularly explore all the greatness within if we keep using logic because greatness isn’t always logical, there is a lot of risks involved in life. To conquer some of life’s challenges, unleash the child in you. 

Four Things To Do This Christmas

I'm sure it's not news to you if I tell you now that Christmas has lost its essence. It has either become a very boring time of the year for some people or for others it is the time of the year to chase after every party, and catch up on every kind of fun in their vicinity. 

Whichever way it plays out, Christmas is the best time of every year, if we'd just allow ourselves see the beauty in it. So, to make this Christmas different and memorable, here are five things you can do.


#1 Spend time with those who are most important to you: Many people spend Christmas hopping from one event to another without really spending any time with those who mean the most to them. This Christmas, make a different choice. Skip the events that cause you to spend time unnecessarily and this year, focus on what really matters- your family and your close friends.