Desire Vs Value: Know The Difference

It is becoming clearer each day that many people are confused in their relationships. Some people are unsure of where they stand, and some relationships have hit the rocks before they’ve even had a chance to take off. The problem boils down to the fact that many of us do not understand the difference between being desired and being valued. 

Truth be told, many people confuse these two terms to be synonyms when truly they have completely different meanings. 

To be desired is amazing; to know that a person or many people want to be with you can be a much-needed self-esteem boost. Desire is craving, longing, yearning for a person, and is often the way relationships are born. A relationship that begins without desire might as well be a business arrangement. Real relationships begin with the desire to be with a person, to speak with a person, and to learn about a person but that feeling must graduate from desire to value. To be valued means to be held in high esteem preferably by the person who desires you, and whom you desire. It means to be appreciated, cherished, prized, and treated with a high level of importance. 

These days, many people are desired but they are not valued. How can one desire someone and not value that person? Simple. It’s a world where people are treated like commodities. We attach value to things based on how we feel about them – sentimental value, monetary value, and any other kind of value that exists in your world. If your partner does not value you, it is a clear reflection of how he or she feels about you. Understand that words mean nothing; action is what you should listen to. 

So how do you know a person values you? I have three simple pointers. 

#1 They make time for you: I find it ludicrous when a lady tells me she is dating a guy who lives in the same city, yet she only gets to see him once in two or three months because he’s busy. Busy doing what exactly? He’d better be locked up in a laboratory trying to find a cure to recent epidemics, and even that would not be a good enough excuse. When a person values you, they make time for you. Yes, it may be once a week, but it’s time dedicated to just you. You won’t have to compete for space in their calendar with activities like ‘gym’ and ‘grocery shopping’. 

#2 They pay attention to your emotions: When a person values you, they show it by how much attention they pay to your emotions. They pay attention to how you feel after a fight; they try to know how they can make you feel better after a hard day. They don’t ignore your emotional outbursts which are truly cries for help because you are neck-deep in panic and anxiety. They are there for you when you are down, and they aim to be the best version of themselves for you. 

#3 They invest in you: When a person values you, you will see it by the kinds of investments they make in you. Again, it is absolutely mindboggling to me when people claim to be in serious relationships yet they don’t receive any investments from their partners. A person who values you will invest time and energy in you; they will invest in your future, and give you the push you need. They will invest in making life easier for you, and oh yes! They will give you gifts too. 

So the questions is: are you in a relationship where you are desired or valued?