Why submission might destroy your marriage

For many years, submission has been preached as one of the key ingredients for a successful marriage. Without a submissive wife, the marriage ship is likely to hit an iceberg and sink like the titanic. It is no surprise therefore that many young men are on the lookout for the ultimately submissive wife; afterall, no one wants to fail at marriage. Truly, there is nothing wrong with this; a disrespectful wife can be a man’s worst nightmare but it is important to understand the real context of submission. 

Many young men sit in pews and listen as pastors explain the need for wives to be submissive. They feel empowered as these preachings go on, and even cook up the ideal submissive woman in their heads. In other words, many young men believe submission is about finding a woman upon whom they can force their ideas, opinions, and vision. Submission is often preached in a context that forces young men into dictatorship without them realizing it. They start to seek out women without opinions or concrete life plans (which to be realistic is difficult to find these days), and hope that is all they need for their marriages to work. Young men are being misguided to believe submission is about controlling your spouse, and in the process, being made to believe that is what being a man is all about. Many young men are losing their marriages because they have been led to believe marriage is a military-style organization where all their needs, opinions and expectations must be met, even at the detriment of their spouse. 

Understand this: submission does not mean your spouse has to live in your shadow. It does not mean she has to echo your every opinion, or accept all your decisions. Submission does not mean your wife must follow all your instructions. Before you became a part of her life, she made her own decisions, and lived life on her terms. Expecting her to stop using her brain because you say so is like expecting a ship to sail on dry land – just not going to happen. 

Submission is actually about love, not about control. Submission is more about understanding what makes your spouse’s individuality and aiming to be the best you can be for him/her. Submission is a two-way street. The bible asks women to submit, and asks men to love. Love is actually a greater sacrifice than submission; hence the bulk of the work is in your hands. Rather than aiming to force your ideals and opinions on your spouse, aim to gently understand, nurture and mould. Also bear in mind that submission takes time. It takes a lot of learning, a lot of tolerance, and a lot of patience to attain a marriage where you genuinely love and submit to each other. XOXO.