Many women go into relationships with hopes and aspirations of enjoying a blissful time with an amazing partner. However, with time, the relationship turns sour and they find themselves facing loads of false accusations, derogatory words and all sorts of emotionally abusive expressions. The truth is many abusive men do not show the signs from the beginning, however, there are tiny little things you can pay attention to that may save you from heartache, and keep potentially abusive men at bay. Here are some of the things a man might say that you should pay attention to.
#1 “You are intimidating”: This is not a compliment so don’t blush. It is a veiled attack on your personality, but you should not rise to defend it. Don’t say “I’m not! If you get to know me better, you’ll see I’m not.” Nah… rather smile, nod your head and keep walking. From personal experience and the experiences of others, I can tell you that a man who tells you you are intimidating is hoping you will lower yourself for his benefit. He is hoping you will droop your shoulders, speak in a lower tone of voice, and stop offering your opinion. Don’t fall for it.
#2 “You are too strong”: There is no such thing as a woman who is too strong. Many men use this statement to disarm women and force into a mode where they have to prove they are submissive. They are stylishly demanding submission in a way that enables them to exert control over you. Do not fall for this. You are not too strong (there is no such thing). You are strong full stop! And you should be! Given everything you have overcome, no one has the right to chip away at your strength by saying you are just too strong.
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#3 “You are too smart”: Again, this one makes me roll my eyes. Too smart? Why are all these good qualities made to sound like demonic possessions? A man who is telling you this is a man who is hoping to outsmart you. He is hoping to get to you, and play you to give himself an ego boost. If you dumb yourself down for him, he will definitely take advantage of that , and make a fool of you.
#4 “You have to know your place as a woman”: This is a statement many abuse victims heard over and over, but hardly paid attention to. With so many misguided preachings on submission, I find that both men and woman are confused as to what submission really entails. A man who starts discussing submission with you, or insists you have a place you should know is showing signs of his insecurity and will aim to abuse you as the relationship goes on. Note this: a man is the head of the home; his woman is the neck that turns the head. Don’t let any man steal your position as the neck, and turn you into a mere tool he uses for his own satisfaction.
#5 “You have to prove you are wife material”: By? Turning yourself into a maid? Giving husband benefits to a man who has not done anything to deserve it? No. A man who truly loves you will not ask you to earn his love. True love is freely given! There is nothing you can do to deserve it, and you certainly don’t have to prove a thing to anyone.
Ladies, I get to hear so many stories of abuse these days, that even I am traumatized. Please pay attention to what men who approach you say. It can save you a lot of heartache.
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