Five Signs You're an Insecure Man

Most of the time, when we talk about insecurities, we refer to women. However, the truth is that many men suffer from various insecurities, though they express them differently from women. There are many signs that indicate a man is insecure, and the list you are about to read is what I call the big five signs of male insecurity.

#1 You love to talk about what you have: If you are a man who feels the need to constantly tell others what you have, or blow your own trumpet regarding your achievements, you are seeking respect through your belongings because you don't believe they can like you without any of those attachments. That is a deep-seated insecurity that bases your self-worth solely on what you have and not who you are inside. Men with this type of insecurity usually come across as arrogant half-filled barrels. Men of this kind will go on for hours about what they've achieved unless their audience shuts them up!

#2 You can't stand rejection: There are men whose security in their masculinity is dependent on everyone saying yes to them all the time. If you are one of those men,you are no doubt insecure. You feel good only when a person gives in to your whims, and you hate it when a person stands their ground against your wishes. Men who can't stand rejection are men who usually plan out how things ought to work out with, and for other people. They decide without consulting those involved, and get frustrated when they realize those people have other plans.

#3 You frustrate your subordinates at work: There are many insecure males in top positions who derive joy only when their subordinates are running helter-skelter chasing nothing in particular. If you are a man who feels the need to constantly pressure his subordinates at work, or bring them to the point of tears, that's a sign you are insecure. A boss who makes his subordinates cry is an ineffective boss.

What Does it Take to Date a Co-worker?

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Have you ever considered dating a co-worker? Or are you considering doing it but not really sure if you should defecate where you work? Well, this post is for you!

Dating a coworker can be more hectic than many people imagine at first. How do you play romantic politics and work politics without burning each other? How do you stay dedicated to your work while your partner is just a few feet away without appearing emotionally detached? How do you relate with other coworkers in ways that will not piss off your spouse? 

What does it really take to date a co-worker? Here are some tips that may help. 

The 'Come to My House' Dating Craze: What does it take to woo a lady?

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If you get exasperated everytime a guy you have just met says "when are you coming to my house?" as the invitation to a first date, then this post is for you. If you are a man who has adopted this line as a date invitation, then this post is definitely for you.  

I am beyond exasperated about this new dating craze where a guy meets me and his suggestion for a first date is that I visit him. Erm... why would I want to visit you as a first date? Do you live at a cafe? the cinemas? A fine-dining restaurant? Disneyland? Paris?  Is there a rational explanation for this new dating wave? Why are men failing to 'properly date' women? Is this a result of laziness or due to a general wave of nonchalance when it comes to wooing ladies?

First things first, "come to my house"is not an appropriate first date invitation. It is not an appropriate line to woo a lady. What happened to getting drinks or dinner?  What happened to going to catch a movie? What happened to a proper date planned to win the lady's attention and create the right platform to exchange information about one another? 

Are You Always With the Wrong Guy?

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It's a dilemma many women face especially when they realize it too late. Many times relationships start off great. The first date, the first kiss, and everything else can be so magical. If he's super charming, he can be really difficult to ignore. Many women often find themselves swept off their feet in whirlwind romances that die out quicker than the harmattan wind dries clothes. And they start to wonder where things went wrong. Some women drive themselves crazy trying to figure out why they always seem to end up with the worst of the pack. There might be a simple reason for that.

More often than not, when a woman meets a guy she likes, she daydreams about him, hopes he asks her out on a date, and often decides she will agree to a serious relationship with him. Now there is nothing wrong with this if you've spent some time getting to know him. Unfortunately most of the time, such a decision is made when very little is known about the guy in question. Perhaps you've only chatted for a couple of hours. Maybe you flirted with each other by the pay till at the grocery store... And already you are playing happy families in your head... You might just be setting yourself up for failure.

When He Marries Someone Else...

Over the weekend, someone reached out to me with the question "how do you get over a boyfriend who suddenly gets married to someone else?" 

I thought it funny that someone would ask me that. Does it show that I have been through it? If it doesn't, I'll tell you now that I have so I know that 'hit by a train and dragged for miles' feeling that comes with it. How do you get over that brokenness that you feel so deep within you? How do you explain how you feel to others because you really can't even explain it yourself? How do you move on when all you can remember is the many times he said "I love you", and you believed it, not knowing that he would be saying '"I do" to someone else?

I'll give you three simple yet harsh realizations that worked for me.

#1 Understand that his decision is not based on something you did or did not do: Except you poisoned his mother, shot his dog point blank, or cheated on him, there is nothing you can possibly do to a guy who loves you that will cause him to rush into marriage with someone else. Many women tend to blame themselves when the men they trusted and built a life with in their heads end up walking down the aisle with someone else. They tend to believe they didn't prove they were worth marrying; they didn't' try hard enough, didn't cook often enough, didn't clean well enough, didn't give him enough chances... the list goes on. No my dear. You tried enough, you were your perfect lovely self, and you were a delight. The fact is that he just did not want to marry you, and that is absolutely not your fault.

Should Christians Be Poor?

I understand this is a very controversial subject to discuss. The opinions on the subject are often at loggerheads, and I have seen hot steaming debates stem from this issue. It is a big question to consider at a time where many pastors spend their sermons boasting about their designer watches and shoes, and the number of private jets they have. It is a question to consider at a time where many church congregants are more concerned about seeing what the pastor's wife's outfit than they are about understanding the sermon and its application to their lives.

Should christians be poor? I'll just share my opinion on the subject matter and I hope you share yours in the comments.

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When the issue of serving God and having money comes up, many people refer to Matthew 19 where Jesus told the rich man to sell all his possessions and follow him. This in the literal sense indicates that Jesus wanted the rich man to be poor, hence he desires that all his followers should be poor. I beg to differ.

The bible makes it clear that we cannot serve God and money (Luke 16:13); but the bible does not say we cannot have both God and money. The bible emphasizes the need for us to understand that money is not a god that we should serve; money is not the almighty; money cannot do all things. God is the only one we ought to serve; God is the only one who can do ALL things; God is the only one worth serving, and we can use our money to serve God.  

Long Distance Relationships: Do They Really Work?

I have heard many long distance relationship testimonies, and I have also heard many heartbreaking stories about long distance. Even I have a few of my own to share, but that's for another post, another day.

Back in the day, long distance was cute. People who went into it seemed to be encouraged and most of them ended up with a real depiction of 'happily ever after'. These days, the thought of a long distance relationship is enough to initiate a panic attack in almost anyone. People even stare at you like you are being absolutely ludicrous when you tell them you are planning to go into a long distance relationship. 

The big question everyone asks is "do long distance relationships still work?"

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That of course should not be the question; the question you should be asking is if you and your partner can handle it. The decision to go into a long distance relationship should not be dependent solely on emotions, or butterflies in the tummy because those will wear off at some point. The biggest factor to consider is the maturity of you and your partner, and the mutual willingness to commit to the long-distance process.

What's All the Fuss About the First Date Anyway?

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I have always been of the opinion that the first date is the most important date you'll ever have with anyone. It can be a deal-breaker, or a bridge-builder. But it appears many people do not see the importance of  a first date, or some people are just too caught up in their schemes to care about how significant this date is. 

The first date is where you get to know the other person outside of work, school, church, or wherever it is that you met them. It is your opportunity to either make a good impression or a terrible one (believe it or not, you will make some sort of impression on the first date). The first date is where your etiquette needs to be on point... like 110% on point. The first date is not where you belch loudly at the table or fart continuously in a bid to show a person how real you are. Yeah, it sounds all cute, but it is also too personal for a first date, and definitely not endearing. No, no , no. 

Here are few things you should and should not do on a first date

#1 Don't go with your friends: Except it is a double date, which a first date shouldn't be, you have absolutely no reason to take your friends with you. No, that is not the kind of support you need. I have heard of women who go to their dates with their friends in  a bid to understand the depth of the man's wallet. This is an absolute NO NO. Will buying you and your girlfriends lunch tell you how deep his pockets are? This mentality is very myopic, and is characteristic of women who are simply out to 'chop and run'. No wonder they fall into the hands of the men who want to 'chop and clean mouth'. 

#2 Don't go with the mentality of 'hitting it': If the only reason you are going on the date is to see if you'll end up in bed together, you might as well hire a prostitute for the evening and get your groove on. From conversations, I know most men are only willing to go on a date if they know sex is on the table. If that is all you are focused on, forget the date, forget about getting to know the person. Dates are not for scoring to massage your ego. The first date goes  a lot deeper that. 

#3 Don't show up unkempt, or improperly dressed: Unshaven face, unclean hair, soiled clothes, crumpled shirts? Leave all that behind. Be well-dressed as suited to the venue of your date. No sweaty clothes, no funny odors, no saggy pants, no masquerade-like makeup. No. Please keep it simple and classy. Afterall, you are meeting this person for the very first time. 

#4 'Up' the conversation skills: A first date, or any date at all is not about you pretending to be an ice block while the other person works hard to thaw you. No. A first date is where you should let the conversation flow so you can learn as much as you can about the other person. This does not mean you should talk nonstop and only keep quiet when you stop for air. Ask questions, let the conversation be an exchange, rather than a narration

#5 Keep your etiquette in check: You've asked a lady out on  a date? pick up the bill! Arrive on time. Speak politely. Smile, pay compliments, you can show up with  a bouquet of flowers, or some chocolates... something to say you have been thinking of the date and you're excited it's happening. And oh! Don't check your phone. That's just downright rude! 

Above all, if you are the one doing the inviting, plan the date. Plan it to the T. Plan it to perfection. Create the right ambience, and you might just set the stage for an awesome person to be part of your life.