7 Simple Things You Shouldn't Do When Resolving Conflicts (Part 2)

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Do not give the silent treatment; giving your partner the cold shoulder every time you have a disagreement is never the way to go. Asides from it being a manipulative tool , it doesn’t exactly solve anything.

You may assume that your partner ought to know why you are angry when they truthfully don’t. It is always better to talk things in a bid to iron out your differences.

Do not make a mess of the trust invested in you; anger can bring out the worst in even the best people, making them to become vindictive. Lovers share a lot between themselves including secrets and flaws they don’t feel comfortable letting someone else know. Don’t break your partner’s trust by referring them to something they told you in secret just in a bid to break them or make them see reasons with you. This leads me to the next point.

7 Simple Things You Shouldn't Do When Resolving Conflicts (Part 1)

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Romance novels formed a great part of my reading in my early teens, the predictability of the stories made that genre lose its charm for me as I grew in age. One could always tell how the characters relate and how the plot would unfold from just the summary. 

Did I mention the many assumptions contained in them were also a source of concern? The picture perfect imaginations painted had me spending the better part of those years daydreaming about a tall Adonis that had the missing parts to all my unsaid sentences. You know the kind that knew just how much air I could take in per minute and serenaded me to sleep every night.

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Some things happen that make us question what we thought we knew. Good people derail and a seemingly great marriage ends. We are riddled with lots of questions we fight hard to understand. Could it be this or that, we wonder. Could it have been fixed? Is there hope for the new ones yet to tie the knot? How does one know what works and what doesn’t?

One thing is sure though, we all are not the same and the same solutions won’t work for us all, however there are areas where we are similar. 

Having chatted with a number of people, I have discovered that some cases of irreconcilable differences stem from an accumulation of little things that have built up over the course of time. We fail to address these supposed little things and they then become escalated jostling us out of our assumption that everything was right.

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Many times marriages show cracks that might have been as a result of foundational issues, and just like buildings they don’t necessarily have to collapse if proper attention and care is given to them. 

Marriages thrive on many things with trust being on the top of the list. Marriage entails that the parties involved bare everything to each other with the belief that they are a team, so when one of the parties derails from the vow, it can have dire consequences.

One major way a marriage may suffer a crack is through infidelity. The trust gets marred and it is always so hard to go back to where the relationship was. If the hurt is fuelled and the anger and distrust is not attended to, it may lead to the end of the marriage. Some people are of the opinion that infidelity is so unpardonable and should be the end while others preach forgiveness but even that is easier on paper than in action.

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I love visiting family parks. The lovely carpeted grasses with big shady trees do a lot to my spirit therapeutically. It is one of the few places where I find the kind of balance I seek; a safe place for my children to play and a serene place to get lost in my thoughts. 

It provides a sharp contrast to the madness on the outside; cars honking and drivers hurling insults at one another. It is where I remember there are birds because their music fills the air as the leaves sway beautifully in the direction of the wind.

You didn’t think I was making a post advocating for the development of more parks, or were you? Well, I just got carried away for a moment.

Trust In Relationships - Will You Share Your Passwords With Your Spouse?

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Many of us have become so dependent on our smart phones that we can’t seem to function outside it. With all sorts of apps being developed, the reliance on the phones to get us through each day is quite understandable. 

A nightmare can sometimes be in the guise of misplacing one’s phone seeing as it contains so much personal data ranging from bank passwords to social media pages, which explains why we take care of these devices, making sure they are secured with passwords and that they don’t fall into the wrong hands.

Interestingly, this development has also rubbed off on a lot of relationships, strengthening some with its power of securing communication no matter the distance, and breaking some as a result of the vices that can be perpetrated through it.

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To make a pot of traditional Nigerian stew, you need your scotch bonnet, onions and tomatoes plus other condiments, without which the stew will be a total disaster. So also, to have a successful marriage, you need a great deal of love and attraction, among so many other things that make a union a great success. It is very important to note that while the pepper and tomatoes are major ingredients, the overall taste depends greatly on the combination of some other condiments. 

When we meet that special person, we are overtaken by emotions that cause us to believe that there is no mountain too tall to climb or an ocean too deep to swim in for the one we love, and I must confess that that is so empowering and beautiful. Not in a bid to be the bad talebearer but you will need to consider so much more in choosing a life partner. You need to work with your heart and your head so as not to end up in a courtroom citing irreconcilable differences as a ground for divorce or being stuck in an unhappy marriage.

So what are these other considerations one has to make?

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TLC’s my 600 pound life life fascinates me in so many ways. It is hard to imagine that one can allow oneself get so morbidly obese that one could die, but it is the reality of the participants on the show seeking weight loss surgery as their last resort to surviving and living a healthy life. 

Most of them share how they lost control of their appetite for food and find themselves slipping down the path of self-destruction by over feeding on unhealthy food, and leading them to become so dependent on other people to get through their day to day activities. Some of them have to rely on their spouses or children and it is sad to know they are sometimes stuck in a room for years. This leads to a lot of depression resulting from missing out on important family functions and basic social gatherings. Above all these, is the reality that they might die if they didn’t seek help.

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Bethany Thompson was a cancer survivor who had her brain tumour operated on twice. She was given a new lease of life with the success of those operations; her parents must have felt really grateful that their baby scaled that large obstacle and defiled death. Their joy was cut short however when Bethany committed suicide because the kids at her school kept making fun of her appearance which was as a result of the treatment she received.

I’ll allow you take that in and imagine how many people have been thrown into darkness by the insensitivity of the other children in Bethany’s school.

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This story left a really bad taste in my mouth and it also stirred up a lot of emotions in me as a parent and a person that has survived bullying. 

I had some very low times too but I was lucky to get past that period of my life and realise that bullies act the way they do to cover up their own insecurities. Not everyone is as lucky as I am as it is evident in Bethany Thompson’s story. 

Bullying has claimed a lot of lives and put many more in mental prisons.

Three Things You Need To Know To Avoid A Situationship

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I watched a movie recently, it was centred on a lady who became desperate to be in a relationship because most of her friends were in happy relationships and she desired to have the same. This led her into thinking that she was in a relationship with a guy whom she had known for a while. 

Interestingly, the guy never asked her out but they spent a lot of time together causing her to believe that he was involved with her romantically. 

She dedicated herself towards serving the man, washing his clothes, cleaning up after him and all other things she convinced herself she had to do only to discover that he had a fiancée all along. She was heartbroken and insisted that the man deceived her.

While I understood her outrage over being exploited, I couldn’t ignore the fact that she set herself up for heartbreak. To be fair to her, she is one of the many that make the mistake of not defining their relationships. It is not all the time that a man that is interested in a woman tells the woman of his intention of starting a relationship, there are times the relationship blossoms from platonic to a more serious one. The line can also become blurry in several other instances.