Have you had that talk with your child? Yes, about the birds and the bees?

Some Christian parents do not think it is necessary to talk about the birds and the bees when their children come of age. They think the children should only know Bible stories. Trust me, if you are one of such parents, you are living in a dream world.

By the way, "The Birds and the Bees" is an English-language idiomatic expression and euphemism that refers to courtship and sexual intercourse. The "Birds and the Bees talk" (sometimes known simply as "The Talk" is generally the event in most children's lives in which the parents explain what sexual relationships are.

Why should a Christian Couple get a divorce based on irreconciliable differences?

It just struck me as odd that some Christian couples would get a divorce based on "irreconciliable differences". 

I then tried to get to get some information about this term. 

Wikipedia says "Any sort of difference between two parties that either cannot or will not be changed can be considered irreconcilable differences. A difference could be that of a difference in character, personality, belief, or some other personality trait."

Here is another definition - "The existence of significant differences between a married couple that are so great and beyond resolution as to make the marriage unworkable."

I then pondered on the fact that two Christians have decided that there are differences that are so great that they decided to part ways and get a divorce.

3 Things You Shouldn't Do After A Break-Up

Some of us are lucky at love while others are not so lucky.

There are so many online relationship recipes on how to get Mr. right and some on how to keep the perfect Mr.

As clever as some of these suggestions are, you need no soothsayer to tell you these kinds of advice are tainted. This is because Mr Right is a fluid concept. The one that is perfect for me may be wrong for someone else.

I don’t intend to make this post about philosophies. Trust me, it is far from what I intended.

I am really more concerned about what happens after a supposed beautiful relationship collapses. Do you wallow in the pit of self-pity or you pick yourself up in a bid to announce to the world that you are doing just fine?

Better still, do you allow

I'll Kill For My Wife: 4 important Marriage Tips From Pastor Adeboye

Experience, they say is the best teacher. When people with experience speak, the wise thing to do is to bring out our notepads and jot away.

Pastor E.A Adeboye is known for his influential ministerial and pastoral works but even deeper than that is his marriage to his wife- which is fifty years old.

In a time of short temperaments and frequent divorces, there is so much to learn from couples that have kept it together.

While preaching in Lagos at the RCCG headquarters in a message titled Activating Your Destiny, Pastor Adeboye shared the following tips on sustaining marriages.

Who would you rather be hanging out with? Your Spouse or Your Friends?

I was at a wedding ceremony over the weekend and as the the bride was about to conclude her speech about her new profile as a married woman, she looked at the groomsmen and said "Sorry guys, my husband will not be available for your late nights, he will always be with me".

Though a lot of people in the congregation laughed, I could see a bit of concern on some of faces of the groomsmen because they knew that this lady was indeed serious.

This brings me to the subject of my post today. 

Who would you rather be hanging out with? Your Spouse or Your Friends?

When you are single, you do  hang out with your friends, your buddies. However when you get married, this has to change.

Tips To Help You Enjoy Singlehood

Have Faith Like A Child's : A Mother's Testimony

The beauty of being a child isn’t in having no cares in the world. It isn’t about how youthful one looks.

The beauty of being a child lies in the uncorrupted sense of wonder. The ability to genuinely rely on God and trust that He would do what He says he would do.

Circumstances, sometimes make us over rationalise things. We find ourselves putting God in the box of our own limitations. We recite the 'Give us our daily bread' without really thinking that God is capable of doing it.

Being wired to rely on structures and the works of our hands isn’t bad on its own. Afterall God created us to be thinking beings but the reliance on

3 Rules That Should Guide Your Relationship in This Social Media Age

This social media age is an interesting era in human history. Everything is different. One can consult with a doctor on a forum and be easily diagnosed. A dress isn’t gorgeous enough till there are a thousand likes and comments saying it is. 

Great and silly times I tell you. 

I still can’t understand how conversations go from what colour a gown is to racial discrimination- we need a moderator on these platforms. 

The standards touted around on the social media is a cause for worry too-Self-trained therapists claiming they have solutions to the world problem. The ignorance in some of the statements published is alarming. What is scarier is the number of people that support such uninformed statements. 

Why should you cook for your husband, doesn’t he have hands? Some ask. A woman above the age of 28 and unmarried should be ashamed, another opined. 

Celebrating 35 years of marriage - Bishop David and Faith Oyedepo. Congratulations!!

Bishop David Oyedepo and his wife Faith Oyedepo are celebrating 35 years of being married. The founder of Living Faith Church Worldwide and his wife got married in 1982.

Today he shared a beautiful anniversary message on his Instagram and Twitter @davidoyedepomin pages celebrating the union with these words:

Happy 35th Wedding Anniversary to my Heaven-sent Wife, Faith Abiola Oyedepo, @officialfaithoyedepo.

To Receive Or Not To Receive Whatsapp Calls

Many times, I have read and probably written posts on things to do to attract a life partner or how to avoid heartbreak. The catch in most of those posts is for you to comport yourself a certain kind of way. The writer writes based on personal experiences or experiences of other people. It may even have been written imagining the reaction of the average person.

While it is good to understand certain relationship expectations, it is also very important to appreciate the uniqueness of yours. Blindly taking everything to heart may be very selfish on your part. This is because many of these rules may have been shared from a good place but similar set of rules cannot be applied across board.

Recently, Toke Makinwa, the author of Onbecoming shared one of her relationship videos. She said that it is irritating for men to call women on WhatsApp calls because it is free.

It is an interesting train of thoughts and of course, it caused uproar with some people cosigning and others questioning the wisdom in such generalization.

I started this post commenting on the uniqueness of

RAPE: I See You Sis

These past days have been emotional for me. I was going to write about something totally different but couldn’t.

Many people have come forward to share their stories of rape and molestation. This has left me drained-too drained to think.

These women have had to bear years of self-loathing and stigmatization that has shaped their lives and relationships.

I was close to getting raped a couple of times and I know how long it took me to move on. I still get flashbacks in my head of those very vulnerable moments of my life.

No one deserves to feel like that.

A mentally balanced being becomes plagued with a lot of ‘what ifs’ and ‘I could haves’ because of another person’s indiscretion.

A dash to the mini mart around the corner fast becomes one of the most regrettable moments of `a young girl’s life. Danger lurked in the dark pathway back to her house in the guise of three jobless men who felt she was ripe for the taking.

Take A Chance On Love

I love the look of love. I love how the eyes can communicate such deep messages between two people.

I love the simple things done when in love like taking a delivery of a well thought out lunch sent from someone special. Or the smell of flowers delivered straight to one’s doorstep on a regular Tuesday.

I love beautifully written poetry inspired by feelings so deeply rooted in a lover’s heart. I love couples that enjoy long strolls on the street or at the beach-hand and in hand, sharing deep throated laughs.

I love surprises. I love how one person can be devoted enough to another to go to the ends of the earth to keep the other happy.

Three Lessons The Death Of A Loved One Teaches You

Is there a right time for death to come?

Should one be thankful for the diagnosis of a terminal illness that allows for proper goodbyes and preparations to be made?

Are we asking for too much if we ask to be notified just before death strikes?

Sadly, we all are going to die and unluckily for many of us, death never tells us.

We may be here one minute and gone in the next. All the things that we thought were important just fizzles out.

I have heard news of the death of great rulers and I have seen the end of common men. Every day, the news speaks of numbers that were swallowed by the earth and sometimes, of many more that got burnt to ashes by suicide bombers. They all seem so far-fetched to me.

Raising Mentally Balanced Children

The internet bursts with all kinds of news everyday making it really hard to keep up. The swiftness with which the news fizzles out makes it impossible to discuss or even learn the lessons presented in some situations.

Some weeks back, I read the news about a boy that wanted to kill the new girl in his class because she displaced him from the 1st position in their class assessment. 

His plot was unraveled by some other students in the class who saw him when he was about changing the water in the girl’s water bottle to a poisonous substance. Like the news on its own isn’t heartbreaking enough, we were told that the kids involved are about twelve years old.

Should You Tell the Officiating Minister at Your Wedding That You Are Pregnant?

For a wedding to take place, you need to have an officiating minister who might also double as your pre-marital and sometimes marital counsellor in the course of your marriage.

After all, it is like they say, “no one is the sole custodian of wisdom". For you to be properly guided by the counsellor, you should be upfront with the truth about your lovelife just like you would be if such person were your therapist.

This was what played in my mind as I binged on old episodes of Preachers of LA the other day. You see, as old fashioned as my TV taste can be, I find myself catching up on some episodes of these shows and I must confess real life gives fiction a run. The issues that unravel are sometimes jaw dropping.

Being a virgin is not old fashioned, it is God fashioned

Recently I was on a plane from Johannesburg to Cape Town and I decided to while away the time by watching one of the films I downloaded offline from Netflix - "The Wedding Party".

For those who do not know much about this film, it is essentially about the planning of a wedding between a 24 year old girl, Dunni, played by Adesua Etomi and Dozie, acted by Bankole Wellington a.k.a Banky W. The couple took a vow of chastity and were looking forward to a ground-breaking first night together as a married couple.

From the film, one can deduce that Dozie has been a "player" and has been with many ladies while Dunni was a virgin.

Actually, Everyday Should be Mother's Day

Discovering myself didn’t happen in a day. Matter of fact there is no way I can talk about discovering myself without mentioning the role my mother played in shaping my life.

For a long time, her voice was the loudest in the crowd, cheering me on even when I couldn’t find any strength or reason within myself to continue.

My mum like most mums took it upon herself to make sure that I started to see myself through her eyes-amazing, gifted, special, talented and every other great adjective you can find. I am her miracle and even when my reality doesn’t give credence to how great she thinks I am, her voice keeps ringing in my head keeping me focused on what matters.

Mothers are gems, they are the most precious and rarest you can ever find. Till you show me something to the contrary, I would stick to my belief that mums are created with a special kind of material different from the average person’s and I mean this well. 

Come for the "Marriage Town Hall Meeting" at Covenant Christian Centre - June 26

The Marriage Enrichment Unit of Covenant Christian Centre is holding a marriage town hall meeting for married couples.

The theme of the meeting is "Naked but not ashamed"

God created marriages to last a lifetime

When you read about the failure of many marriages in the news, you might wonder whether there are even any successful marriages out there. 

Don't be deceived! There are a lot of successful marriages out there. Not marriages that the partners are just barely accommodating but marriages that the partners are enjoying one another's company. 

You must believe that the Devil wants you to believe what you read in the tabloids and believe that there is no hope for marriages in this day and age.

Understand this truth. The institution called Marriage was created by God to last a lifetime. And God created this institution to mirror the relationship between us and Jesus. Are we saying that we should stop having a relationship with Jesus because some people turn against Christ everyday? No! There are people who still have a wonderful relationship with Jesus Christ. And as well, there are people that have wonderful relationships in their marriages.

5 Things Men Should Know About Menopause In Women

I guess this is one topic that some men do not know about and do not want to know about. However I think that all men should know about this and how it affects their wives. As your wives reach the age of 40, you better start preparing for some changes you would see in your wives.

It is advisable that men get acquainted with the effects of menopause in women so that they understand what their wives are going through.

First of all, what is menopause? 

Hardcore Truth About Marriage!!! by Bishop David Oyedepo

Saw this online. Decided to share it here. Profound truths about marriage. Please read

1. There is nothing that threatens the security of a man than the thought of another man competing for the attention and affection of his wife. Nothing is more painful. Nothing is more disrespecting. Nothing is more insulting. Nothing is more belittling and degrading.

2. Marriage flourishes when the couple work together as a team; when both husband and wife decide that winning together is more important than keeping score.

Good marriages don't just happen. They are a product of hard work.

3. Your children are watching you and forming lasting opinions on love, commitment, and marriage based on what they see in you. Give them hope. Make them look forward to marriage.

Happy Mothers Day

Today is May 14th. It is Mothers Day.

It is a day set aside to honour mothers and to appreciate the influence of mothers in society.

It has many different dates around the world. However this day, the second Sunday in May, is the most popular day to celebrate this occasion.

Here is a video tribute to all mothers around the world.

"Life does not come with a manual... It comes with a Mother"

Happy Mothers Day

Men, Stop killing Us Because You Love Us

Logging into Twitter today is one of the worst decisions I have made this week. The hashtag #RIPKarabo was trending and I couldn't help but wonder who she was. Did a celebrity die? Was she in public office? As I followed the trend, I saw her picture - Karabo Mokoena, a beautiful young woman whose smile was enough to melt the heart of Hades. I'd seen her picture before - two weeks ago when it was stated by a twitter user that she was missing. I remember thinking to myself 'perhaps she's hanging out with friends and will return'. A number of people who have been declared missing have been found, right?

I COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG

Today her picture is flooding social media because she was found dead. Dead. Killed and burned allegedly by her ex-boyfriend. I could not begin to fathom the last few minutes of her passage from this earth, as her life flashed before her eyes and she realized with that final breath that all her dreams and aspirations were not going to happen. I tried to imagine what kind of rage possessed him to kill her and then proceed to set her on fire. Was it to hide evidence? Or was he just mad that she was slipping out of his hands? Did he feel he desperately needed to do something? what was crossing his mind?

Source: The Express Tribune

I am sad and angry at the same time. Sad at the fact that many women are killed by the men who 'love' them. Many women are violated by the men who promised to stand by them and support them. Many women are stifled, insulted, berated and mentally destroyed by the men who once told them they felt like home.

Many women are dead inside but no one can tell. They show up at work, listen to presentations, smile, perhaps even laugh sometimes. But you can tell if you know the song that once played from their hearts that their lights have been dimmed, some even put out completely, by the men who are meant to be their pillars of support.

The songs in their hearts have stopped playing, and all they do is respond to the autoplay tune they have become accustomed to. Many women die physically; many women die emotionally; many women die in many ways because of the actions of someone who 'loves' them and whom they love. My question is 'why do men think it is normal behaviour to kill us?

Moving on From Disappointment

Happy Easter. He is risen

Easter is the celebration of Jesus Christ's resurrection. The is the premise of the Christian faith.

We have the hope that we will rise on that day.

Happy Easter.

"So much of what is love, is fish love." - Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski

Abraham Joshua Twerski is an American Hasidic rabbi, a scion of the Chernobil Hasidic dynasty, and a psychiatrist specializing in substance abuse.

He has written over 60 books on Judaism and self-help topics, including several books with Charles M. Schulz's Peanuts comic strips used to illustrate human interaction and behavior.

Hear him speak about the Love of Giving

What do you think?

The Stages of Abuse: Why It's So Difficult to Leave

If there is one word that is easily thrown around when a person narrates their experience with abuse, it is "leave". As it should be, victims of abuse are constantly encouraged to leave to avoid being killed emotionally, psychologically or physically. But for some reason, victims of abuse tend to go back to their abusers and it is difficult to understand why. How does anyone return over and over again to a source of pain and distress? I took some time to map out the stages of abuse, and here it is. PS: This is not a scientific cycle based on scientific studies. This is based on the stories of people (both male and female who have suffered abuse physically, emotionally and psychologically). 

Stage #1 The Endearing Stage: It is very common for people to say the signs of a person being abusive are common in courtship but that is not entirely true. Many abusers spend a lot of time grooming their victims depending on how much work they figure they need to do to endear that victim to themselves. They go all out and make the best shows of romantic gestures. They open doors, let you drive their cars, complement your beauty or suaveness, speak highly of your intelligence and cannot stop telling their friends about how awesome you are. You feel comfortable, secure and loved and then suddenly

Lavish Weddings and Divorces: A Positive Correlation?

Source: Green wedding shoes

It seems to have become a trend in society to expect a dramatic divorce shortly after a lavish wedding between two people of high financial standing and an extravagant lifestyle. Very often, I read posts of such divorce notices, and the comments suggest what you are possibly thinking about lavish weddings - they often lead to divorce! Some people have suggested that lavish weddings are thrown to hide problems between the couple and give the impression that is beautiful and well in their love paradise, while others believe a lavish wedding is a must for certain kinds of people. 

I want to address the idea that seems to have been engraved in our minds that lavish weddings will definitely lead to divorce. That buying an expensive dress, hiring an entire wine estate and calling the best DJ in town to the reception is the perfect recipe for divorce. That could not be farther from the truth. There are small weddings that have been held away from the eyes of the public that also fell into the divorce pit. Of course, we don't read about them much because they were held in secret. But we must understand that divorce is a possibility irrespective of the type of wedding you have. This is because the wedding is not a determinant of the success of your marriage. Big or small, the wedding is a ceremony and nothing more. 

This Mindset is Ruining Your Life

huffingtonpost

It is common knowledge these days that having a negative mindset will not translate to a positive life. Pessimists tend to see problems in every opportunity, while optimists see the opportunity in every problem. However, whether you are a pessimist, optimist, realist or an idealist, there is a very subtle mentality that is ruining your life. Subtle as it is, it is very common, and people are not even aware of the negative impact it has on them. I like to call it the 'either/or mentality'. 

Think about it... how many times have you seen a couple in a mansion and assumed they must have an unhappy marriage because of all that money they have? How many times have you seen a man or woman who's career driven and assumed their family must be in shreds because they are so dedicated to their work? How many times have you seen a handsome man and assumed 'oh well, he must be a player', or a beautiful woman and assumed 'she must be taken or unintelligent'. How many times have you heard a person's big dreams and reminded them they might not get married because they are so into this vision? I am sure you can already remember one or two instances where you assumed if someone had something, it was impossible for them to have the other. 

This either/or mentality is ruining your life! It is giving you the impression that you have to choose because you can't have it all. It is telling you in your subconscious that life is not a buffet where you can have a taste of everything, but rather a restricted pre-planned menu where if you choose option A, you cannot have option B. This is why you are not going after everything you desire. This is why you are not winning at life. This is why you are too scared to chase lofty dreams because you believe the more you have, the more unhappy you will be. I have met men and women who often say they are not interested in buying their own houses and acquiring wealth for their children; they are not interested in building their careers and being well-known for their success because most people who have all those things are not happy anyway. Well, guess what? There are also a lot of people who don't have those things and are unhappy as well. So it is not the wealth that makes a person unhappy. It is a lack of God in you.

Drop the either/or mentality and go for everything you love and desire! Build your career, acquire wealth, marry that partner that makes you genuinely happy! Live your life as a well-rounded individual who knows he has access to every single item on the buffet menu! There is no dream that is too big for God, and there is no such thing as option A or B. You can have everything! The reason people tend to say you can't is because they themselves are too scared to chase after everything they want. Don't join their bandwagon! XOXO

How To Become Co-Dependent In a Relationship If You Are Very Independent As An Individual

I have often heard people try to gauge the feelings of someone they have just started dating based on that person's ability to show vulnerability and discuss deep-pressing issues with them. Although an erroneous judgment criterium, it appears to be a normalized one; hence, it is worth it to address the 'very independent' individual and teach some tips on vulnerability and emotional expressions. I'll keep it short and sweet.

#1 Understand that effort matters: Going from independence to co-dependence is not as easy as many people think but continuous efforts made to achieve that emotional and psychological co-dependence will go a long way in strengthening your relationship. So be deliberate about it until it begins to come naturally to you. Think of it as developing a new habit - a necessary one for the success of your relationship. 

#2 Become vulnerable: For the very independent person in a relationship, being vulnerable with someone else is considered a sign of weakness, and an unnecessary one at that. However, in a relationship, expressions of vulnerability is a necessity you cannot brush off. It strengthens the bond in your relationship when your partner is able to connect with you emotionally and see you at your weakest. 

#3 Don't handle everything on your own: A relationship is not just for dates, shopping sprees, and adventurous road trips. It is also for sharing difficulties, pain, anxiety, fear and even insecurities. For the very independent individual, such expressions do not come easy but do not panic. You can do it. A very independent friend of mine who recently got married after years of handling things on her own told me how terribly she struggled with sharing her fears with her husband. She had difficult days at work, got home, cried in the bathroom, washed her face before her husband arrived and presented her strong steel self to him. Of course, he could tell something was wrong, but she always felt she could handle it. One day, however, she decided to stop carrying her burdens alone. She had a very upsetting day, got home and felt the urge to cry but she didn't. She suppressed her emotions till her husband arrived, and when he asked how her day was, ran into his arms and cried on his shoulder. She described it as the most soothing experience ever. 

It is OK to cry in front of your partner. It is OK to look ugly while you are crying (not that anyone should be worried about that). It is OK to be vulnerable. It is OK to let your partner see parts of you that others have not and may never get to see. The beauty of co-dependence is knowing that your partner knows you in ways no one else does and is connected to every part of you. XOXO

True Love And the Beauty Of Its Reciprocity

Last night, I was watching the third season of the TV show Friends while I did some cleaning around my room (Yes I still watch Friends hehe). The second episode where no one was ready for Ross' event caught my attention as I worked. Ross had been irritable because he had an important event to attend and no one was ready. Everyone, including his precious Rachel, seemed to be occupied with something else. In his irritation, he had yelled at her, and she, in turn, decided she was not interested in attending his event anymore. 

To show how sorry he was, and how much she meant to him, he asked her what she wanted him to do. She said he had to drink a glass of rendered chicken fat (yea... downright disgusting). He lifted the glass from the table, affirmed himself with a repetitive sentence, and proceeded to drink chicken fat! But he didn't...because she stopped him on time.

That episode made me think about the genuineness of the love we proclaim we have for others. Very often, many of us ask our spouses to do things to prove their love for us - things that are sometimes very uncomfortable for them, and we watch them go out of their way to do these things... sadly without intervening to stop them just in time. It makes me wonder...how genuine is that love that does not stop others from doing things that will break them, especially if those things are not necessarily attached to the success of the relationship? 

As Friends played on in the background, I immediately remembered the story of Abraham, and how God had asked him to sacrifice Isaac to him. Just in time, God stepped in to stop Abraham from killing Isaac, and instead provided a lamb in Isaac's place. It made me realize that we test people to prove their love for us by doing things that make them uncomfortable, but our love for them is proven when we step in and stop them just in time because we realize that they will indeed go the extra mile for us, but we don't have to make them do so when it is unnecessary. 

The beauty of true love lies in that reciprocity that even when they are ready to sacrifice themselves to prove they love us, we should be willing to step up and stop them, hence proving our love for them is also true. Watching them die silently in self-sacrifice makes for a good ego massage, but is nothing short of selfishness.  XOXO

One Popular Advice That Will Ruin Your Marriage Before It Even Takes Off

There is a general impression out there that marriage is a lot ofwork; hence, many people approach it with the same level of preparedness with which they would approach any other herculean task. They go to all the pre-marital counselling classes, read all the books about relationships and marriage, observe what they perceive as successful marriages and of course, seek advice from those who have travelled far along the marriage path.

Through all of these preparations, many lessons and notions are internalised; some bad, some good, some downright ugly and dangerous. The most dangerous of all, which has come to my attention in the past couple of weeks is in the form of advice from peers, parents and even mentors who are expected to know better:

Don't love your spouse too much. He/she will take advantage.

I have heard this statement many times and I have heard countless justifications for it. But truth be told, none of these justifications are strong enough to hold water. 

Don't love your spouse too much? What exactly is too much love in a marriage? Can a man love his wife too much? or a wife love her husband too much? I ask these questions because the phrase too much love suggests that it will have a negative consequence, and it is indeed the most ludicrous and destructive advice you will be given regarding your marriage. My advice? Do not listen to such people no matter how important they are to you. 

The foundation of every successful marriage is not self-preservation. It is not opportunism or exploitation either. It is love based on giving the whole of oneself to the success of a relationship who is ALSO giving the whole of herself or himself to the success of the relationship.This dangerously common advice preaches self-preservation and exploitation, and take it from me, your marriage will never work with that kind of mindset. A marriage where you mistreat your partner, act like their feelings don't matter to you, exploit their weaknesses for your advantage and aim to exalt yourself as the queen on a chess board using your partner as a porn is not heading anywhere. Right from the moment you internalize this advice, your marriage becomes a broken wagon with no wheels, stuck in a jungle with all kinds of wild animals circling it, ready to attack. 

There is no such thing as too much love in a marriage where both individuals are committed to making things work. There is no joy in self-preservation (ask those who continually cheat on the spouses they have exploited and they will tell you how empty they feel inside). Give your marriage a fighting chance. Sieve the advice you get and understand that the fact that some people have been far along in the journey does not mean they know where they are headed or what they are doing. For all you know, they are sitting in broken  wagons in the jungle, hoping you will come and join them. Most importantly, when listening to advice, even from your parents, let God guide your heart. XOXO

Living single: Five Things To Do Regularly While You Are Single

travel alone or with friends. The point is to create amazing memories

No, I am not going to tell you to go to all the church vigils and fast for your spouse while in waiting. Not to say those are not fun (if you are into that), but there are many other interesting activities you should get involved in as a single person. Here are my top five. 

#1 Travel to a place you've always wanted to visit: I am not referring to a honeymoon-like spot where you will get depressed watching other lovers kiss and exchange love notes. No, I am talking about that place you've always wanted to go for interest's sake. It does not have to be somewhere thousands of miles away. It could even be a road trip to the next city; it could be a trip around your region. Travel with a good friend or a couple of friends. The point of this is to make memories you will smile about when you eventually get married. 

On the Issue Of Marriage, Fasting And Sex: Should You Do It While You're Fasting?

I recently read a story online about a newly-wedded lady who, in her quest to have a child embarked on a fasting journey that was set to last for weeks, and ironically refused to have sex with her husband. Well, as you can guess, her husband was far from happy to be denied access to his newly-wedded bride, and she in return felt he was being downright unreasonable. 

The story sparked a debate amongst many, with some standing firmly in support of the wife for seeking the face of the Lord, and others laughing at the irony of it all - seeking God for a child, yet abstaining from sex. One question stood out from this story: Should you have sex while you are fasting? (Referring to married couples of course). 

Well, one thing that is clear is that there is no commandment in the bible that says couples cannot have sex during a fast, nor is there any that encourages them to engage in sex.

Simple Tips That Help You Host The Best Dinner Parties

If there is one thing that can give anyone an instant headache, it is hosting friends, colleagues or even acquaintances, it is what to do and how to do it. At some point, you will find yourself facing the situation of playing host/hostess, and these simple tips will help you throw a dinner party, host your friends or colleagues, and perhaps help you win 'come dine with me' if you plan to go on the show.

#1 Plan ahead: The reason many hosts fail to make an impact on their guests is because they only start planning a day or two before the gathering. You may be the type that functions best under pressure, but trust me when I say you cannot apply that principle to hosting a dinner party. I usually tell people to plan the menu ahead- what they will serve, which plates they will use and the decor they intend to use on the dinner table.

Five Keys To Resolving Every Marital Conflict

Marriage usually starts off with this idea of a fairy tale that nothing will ever go wrong. Thank goodness there are so many variations of Cinderella now that how that even prince charming can be a bit annoying, and cinderella can be emotional about the seemingly unimportant things. In other words, no matter how compatible two people are, they will have issues they don't agree on and will have those days when they are so hurt, they don't want to speak to each other. Sadly, for some, that is the end of the relationship - "If we can't agree on everything, why are we together?" Honey, buy a robot. 

However, if you are in a relationship with a normal human being who has the whole nine yards of emotions and values and ideas, here are five tips that will help you get through every squabble. 

#1 Understand that you married a human being, not a clone of yourself: Many people go into marriage with the idea that their partners must see the world the exact same way that they do. This preset mindset is the platform for irreconcilable differences. Your partner will not always agree with you, even on things that are seemingly black and white. That your partner's ideas or arguments differ from yours does not mean your partner is against you.

#2 Be willing to listen: Listening is a skill that you must learn if you want to have a successful marriage. You might be the most intelligent person ever; you might even have the perfect understanding of how things ought to be, but well guess what? Your partner does too and it probably differs from yours. Learn to listen and marry both your ideas.

#3 Learn to apologise and accept apologies: For some people, apologising means giving their spouse leverage. I will never ever understand that for sure. It is a relationship with a teammate, not a power tussle with the new guy from work. Apologise and learn to accept apologies too. Don't let the resentment build up. Accept the apology and keep it moving. Resentment will keep you stuck even after your partner has moved on from the issue.

#4 Be honest about how you feel: The reason so many marriages break down and stories suddenly start surfacing from people who were apparently happy during the marriage is a lack of transparency. If you want the root of your issues to be resolved, be 100% honest about how a situation makes you feel. Communicate clearly if you are angry, hurt, shocked, humiliated or a combination of everything. And be willing to talk about it. If you partner is communicating how they feel, it is not the time to start enforcing why you are right. Listen, make changes if necessary and move on.

#5 Be determined to make it work: The worst way to resolve conflict is to start throwing threats around. Threats such as "I think we should just end things if you cannot listen to me" or "I think we need a break" might scare your partner into becoming your clone at first, but it won't last. Sonner or later, he or she will call your bluff and you will be living with your ego intact, but your heart shattered.

XOXO

Five Reasons You Shouldn't Date This New Guy

It can be so exciting when a new guy comes around and showers you with all the attention you want. Let's face it, getting good attention from a dateable guy (and the definition of this is subjective) can make a girl feel like a million bucks, and before you know it, you are already matching smile for smile, blink for blink and sticking closer to your phone than your skin sticks to your flesh. But is this new guy who you really need at this mature stage of your life where you are seeking a relationship with depth? Here are five signs that he is probably not.


#1 He keeps telling you about how awesome he is: For some guys, the MO to win a lady over is to talk, talk and talk about how great they are, and how amazing their mothers tell them they are, how great their exes thought they were, how great they know they are.... you get the gist. Stay away! Many guys who keep talking about themselves expect the relationship to be all about them because you know, they are just so awesome.

#2 He's only interested in conversations that are about sex: This is not to say discussing sex is bad, but it is in your best interest to not date a guy whose ONLY interest is sex. Talk to him about your day, politics, societal issues, even gossip, and he's not interested? But the moment you discuss sex, his ears extend like a 20th-century antenna and his eyes widen? never mind. He is not worth your emotional investment. He is not mature enough to converse like an adult and your relationship will boil down to just one thing - sex.

#3 He makes fun of his single exes: I personally find it distasteful for a guy to tell me about the ladies who broke up with him and are still single years later. Firstly, it tells me he has no idea why they broke up with him; hence, he hasn't learned anything from it. Secondly, it tells me he is the type to kick others why they are down. He is certainly the type who rejoices if things don't work out for others especially if they don't work out for him too.

#4 He lets you handle the big stuff alone: Ever been told "you are a big girl. You can handle it" while he is playing video games or watching his favourite sport? Yeah... don't expect that to change even when he is doing nothing.

#5 He can't think through his own life: I find these days that many men, sweet as they are, expect to be built by the women in their lives. They expect you to push them, tell them what to do, teach them the steps to take, and basically carry the psychological load of the decisions they need to make on their backs. Don't bother going there. You will be thinking for him for the rest of your life, Alluring as that may sound, it becomes exhausting too!

How To Get Over That EX You See Everyday

datetricks.com

This post is really for the ladies but hey guys pick up some tips too!

Getting over an ex is difficult enough without the added twist of having to see them every day and possibly even work with them! Someone on twitter recently asked if people would take up a new job knowing that their ex works at the same place. Some responses were affirmative; others wanted some more information regarding the nature and logistics of the job, and others simply said no. I said I'd take the job and strut to that job every day, and that is not just me talking for the sake of sounding brave. I have actually been there, done that and I printed t-shirts for everyone to declare my awesomeness. So what are my tips for succeeding at this? Get a pen and paper. 

#1 Acknowledge that you may still have feelings for your ex: The reason many people fail with this 'getting over the ex' business is because they want to be in denial. They want to put up a facade of toughness, whereas one wave of the hand or a slight touch will have them undone at the seams. Say it to yourself that you still have feelings for this person, then take the next step...

When you get too holy for your spouse to appreciate

This short clip, though funny, is reminiscent of what happens in some homes.

This is what you get when you get too holy to appreciate the "coming together of man and wife" in purity and truth. Yes! Yes!! When you get down to making love to your spouse.

Watch and learn.

What do you think?

5 Reasons You Probably Shouldn't Get Married: Part 2

Have you read Part 1? Click here.

We have been considering 5 reasons people should probably not get married. It's important to read this carefully to see if you fall into any of these categories, so that you can ensure to work on yourself.

4. When you are only getting married to please others and not yourself

Arranged marriages still happen. Some people are still betrothed. Families still ask their children to marry into certain families for some economic gain or security. When people give in to pressures of family or some other institution or person, and go ahead with an unwanted marriage, the result may not be great. Although it was quite common with the older generation with many claims of success, we cannot expect that the same results will apply in this generation, as there are many other influencing factors now. Your family or that individual you seek to please won't enter the marriage with you or help you make it succeed. When the benefit you seek from the marriage is overtaken by events, what do you do then? You'll be left to deal with your issues on your own. How do you do this if there is no genuine love, desire and commitment to be with that person no matter what?  Your choice is yours and yours alone. Own it! However, it is good to note that the father/ family's blessing is a good thing to have. You want those closest to you to be praying for you and not fighting you, so it's great to approach this issue with prayers and wisdom. 

5 Reasons You Probably Shouldn't Get Married: Part 1

In the prequel, we examined five wrong reasons for getting married. This might seem to be a similar title but is more centered on the individuals concerned. There is a need to do an honest self evaluation to understand who you are, your character and what makes you tick, as well as the reality of the character and persona of the other party, before you embrace the idea of making that lifelong commitment. Once you are able to do this evaluation, go through this list to cross check if you fall into any of the categories below:

1. When you are a lone ranger

Mr. or Ms. Lone Ranger, please listen carefully here. If you are a person that always thinks about yourself in every situation, if you always seek out your own cause to the detriment of others, if you cannot comprehend or have never experienced living for someone other than yourself, if you are a bad team player, if you hate letting others in, if you do not respect the feelings and viewpoints of others, if you are a 'me' person, rather than a 'we' person... do yourself and the other person a favour- don't get married, at least not until you have sorted out your personal issues. A successful marriage requires sacrifice, team building, love and respect for another, genuine consideration of a person's feelings and viewpoints, support and compromise. Both parties should be thinking about 'we': helping each other become better and more successful together.

Five Simple Things to Help You Make a Good First Impression

There is that saying that goes "you never get a second chance to make a good first impression". First impressions are important irrespective of the environment, as they are sometimes cemented in the memory of others and hard to change even with the best of efforts. Some people find that they struggle to make the best first impression. If that's you, here are five simple ways you can fix it:

The way you dress: You've probably heard the saying you will be addressed based on how you are dressed. But I bet you haven't heard that the way you are dressed can cause you to be completely ignored. I learned very quickly when I started to speak in public forums that people tend to listen to you more if you are properly dressed. Now, properly dressed does not mean you have to put on the most expensive items you can buy or adorn yourself with so much jewelry, people are blinded as you emerge. To be properly dressed means to be simple, yet suave and elegant. Make sure your clothes are clean, well-ironed and even your shoes are nice and shiny. 

The Beauty of Letting Go

Letting go is probably the most difficult thing we all have to do at some point in our lives. We have to let go of losses, broken relationships, friends who are not in sync with our purpose anymore, and even places that no longer serve our purpose. And as difficult as letting go is, it is also the most beautiful, most progressive thing we will ever do in all of our existence. Why then do we find it so difficult? Why don’t we just cut the strings and keep it moving? Why don’t we stop looking back? Well there are two reasons, one of which is pretty straightforward – we are human beings with emotions. But the second one runs far deeper than you think. 

We find it difficult to let go because we think we cannot trust the future.

There is something familiar about what we ought to let go of; something that tells us that even though it is hurtful, it is a kind of hurt we have gotten used to, and can live with. There is a familiarity that says even though we are stuck, it is a kind of stuck we know and we can get used to it. Even though the relationships we are in are not leading anywhere or helping us grow, they feel familiar and it is just too much work to start over. We prefer to stay as we are, connected to the past because the future is uncertain and uncertainty brings fear and anxiety.

Surely, the familiar might feel OK, but the unknown is greater than you think! The beauty of letting go is that you set yourself up for a higher stage in life. Stepping into the unknown will not only propel you towards a bigger future than you can imagine, it will also teach you to rely on God more than ever. Not being able to let go is rooted in fear – fear that you can never have better; fear that seeks to preserve you as you are – in a state of bitterness and regret, fear that keeps you tied to the things that are set to destroy you.

It is time to let go. In this New Year let better things find you. Dare to shed all the pain, the regret, the shame that keeps you tied to the past, and emerge not as you are, but as what you could be. The beauty of letting go is you begin a journey on a path that leads to the fulfillment of your purpose. Let go today and be deliberate about it. Don't simply envision in your mind, take the necessary steps to achieve it. Delete that number, forgive that friend, move from that place, look to the future. Bigger and better awaits you. 

Five Important Tips For Getting Married On A Budget

I have never been much of a party planner.

To start with, attending the party itself is a lot to ask of me, not to mention planning it.

Do you know how much goes into what may turn out to be just two or three hours mini trip outside one’s house? All that traffic wading and flawless look goals we are made to aspire to these days? God forbid you don’t apply the right shade of lipstick or that you use the kind of foundation that doesn’t match your complexion. How about the many uncomfortable dress styles just to ‘slay’ (everything has to be on point for nice ‘shareable’ pictures for Facebook and the gram).

See, don’t even get me started. I can state a thousand reasons why I will rather stay back at home being tugged on both ends by my energetic toddler and infant, while I try very much to focus on the 100th rerun of ‘The Fighting Temptation’.

Realistically though, parties are a big part of our society and there are some of them we cannot even escape like weddings, funerals etc. I must also add that parties are actually capable of releasing some really cheerful hormones that can make one forget one’s worries in the moment. Parties make long lasting memories like I remember the velvet puffy gown I wore to my Uncle’s wedding when I was seven. In my small mind, I felt I pulled off looking like a royalty but I digress.

Four Ways You Are Creating Communication Problems In Your Relationship

One of the biggest issues surrounding relationships (friendships included) is communication. Most of the relationship issues I have heard, read, and watched all boil down to that one seemingly tiny factor called communication. This is rather interesting when one looks at it from the inception of the relationship where communication was not an issue, and both parties seemed to understand each other perfectly. How then do people get to the point of not communicating effectively and ruining their relationships? I'll share four ways with you.

#1 You expect your partner to know you so well without you saying a word: So many people want to be read like books, rather than listened to like music. Sadly, people are barely patient enough to read books, not to mention study it in depth to understand it. Some people want their partners to know them so well without them having to say a word. How adorably infantile. As a grown up, not communicating who you are, what you like, what you cannot tolerate and what you cannot give in to will end up creating communication problems with your partner. You cannot act like you are OK with things and then start acting up expecting your partner to get the hint that you are not OK. You cannot expect to act like  a crying baby while your partner runs around trying breastfeeding, a variety of toys, TV and a rocking chair. If you cannot speak up, expect a pacifier to be stuck in your mouth in no time.

#2 You expect your partner to know you....by now: This is the core reason of every miscommunication - expecting the other person to already know what you like and what you don't like. It is a cute assumption to make and a destructive one too. It is the mother of all communication problems in relationships - assuming that if your partner has taken his or her time to study you, they will know what to do, what not to do, when not to do what they ought not to do... the whole nine yards. Oh yes! Your partner knows you, but your partner is not a programmed robot. Your partner will err on the side of what he or she should already know more times than you can count. Be ready to say again very calmly what or how you feel, why you feel that way, and why you would not like to be in a similar situation again. Keeping quiet, keeping malice... those things don't help. Next point...

#3 Sulking and malice: Question: whatchu doing honey? Sulking and malice have never resolved anything, and believe me when I say they only work the first couple of times. Afterwards, the guilt trip fades, the pity party ends, and your partner will be glad to leave you to your vices while they go spend time with more vibrant, 'more alive' people (because you know, to sulk effectively, you need to act like you are dead and not respond to anything). Instead of sulking every single time, state very clearly what you feel. Your partner is very likely to want to discuss things with you if you approach them with boldness and maturity. If you keep up the sulking and the malice, it is only a matter of time before your partner starts to seek better companionship elsewhere.

# 4 Not listening: I tell people the only shouting match I want to be a part of is one where we are both supporting our football teams. The other shouting match? Thanks but no thanks. Many people end up in shouting matches because they were not listening to the other person to begin with. Some people hear their partners, pick an uttered phrase, take it out of the context of the discussion and ka boom! the floors begin to vibrate. Take time to listen IN CONTEXT. Stop listening to respond with a thought you've already stored somewhere in the back of your brain as the perfect backlash. Listen to respond to the situation at hand.

Have a great day XOXO

Life Lessons from "The Queen of Katwe" Movie

The Queen of Katwe is a movie based on the true story of a young girl Phiona Mutesi from a rural part of Uganda who went on to master the skill of playing chess in her teenage years, despite the challenges her circumstances presented. The movie struck a chord in my heart from the very beginning to the end, and made me realize that many of the lessons contained in it could be beneficial to those hoping to make giant strides in this new year. I'll try not to include any spoilers but I can't promise anything.

#1 Curiosity is the mother of growth: So many people are content with knowing just what they know and are not interested in learning anything new. In spite of the fast-paced world we live in, many people are content to remain stuck with what they are good at, never willing to venture into what they could learn if they expressed a little bit of curiosity.

#2 You should not care about the material possessions you lack. The wealth of knowledge you carry is all that matters. Comparing yourself to others in terms of material possessions will only result in an inferiority complex. Stand tall wherever you are and embrace the wealth of knowledge you possess.

#3  Take criticism in good stride: Many people die even from constructive criticism; the arrogance we tend to have in ourselves is so much that we wouldn't take criticism even if it was meant to make us better. There's a scene in the movie where the other children at the Chess club told Phiona (the Queen of Katwe) that she had an unpleasant odour. She didn't fight back or try to find something she could insult them with. She went home and took a bath! My eyes widened at that scene. Lesson learned - not every criticism is bad; and not every criticism deserves a backlash. Sometimes do what is necessary to improve yourself.

#4 Realize the value of purpose: One of the very admirable characters in this story is the chess coach, Robert Katende - a man who was a qualified engineer, and was offered a job as an engineer which he refused to accept. He chose to remain a chess coach and work with a ministry outreach instead. He was more connected to his purpose than he was to the prospect of earning more money while living an unfulfilled life. The saddest thing in life is a life without fulfilment (paraphrasing Dr Myles Munroe here). Sometimes you may have to accept lesser pay to walk the path of your purpose, but trust me when I say you will not feel like you are missing a thing.

#5 Choose a partner who values purpose: There are many remarkable people in this story, and one of them is Robert Katende's wife - a woman who on hearing that her husband declined an offer from the engineering firm to continue coaching children as part of the ministry outreach, quickly reminded him of the importance of following his dreams and walking in his purpose. Now who does not want a partner like that?!

#6 Don't be out of rhythm: It is important to take note of the positive trends around us and allow ourselves to take part in them. One of the sad characters in this story is that of Phiona's sister who became a victim of circumstances, rather than a proponent of possibility. Lesson learned: Learn to be a part of positive rhythms rather than a subject of adverse circumstances

#7 Don't ever give up and surround yourself with those who won't let you! There were times when Phiona gave up. There were times she couldn't do it anymore, times when she wanted to go back to selling maize - back to the life she knew even though it yielded nothing, but from her mother, her coach, her brother and even her neighbours came the encouragement that awakened fresh zeal within her everytime she gave up. She didn't win all her games, but she had a mother who was willing to do anything to make her succeed. She had neighbours who said "you will win next time". She surrounded her self with positivity. Before she became a master at chess, she did not give up on learning. She listened to those who were designated to teach her, and she mastered the skill by going further and learning to read.

 

Phiona went from being an illiterate maize seller to a female candidate chess master at 17. You have no excuse. XOXO