RAPE: I See You Sis

These past days have been emotional for me. I was going to write about something totally different but couldn’t.

Many people have come forward to share their stories of rape and molestation. This has left me drained-too drained to think.

These women have had to bear years of self-loathing and stigmatization that has shaped their lives and relationships.

I was close to getting raped a couple of times and I know how long it took me to move on. I still get flashbacks in my head of those very vulnerable moments of my life.

No one deserves to feel like that.

A mentally balanced being becomes plagued with a lot of ‘what ifs’ and ‘I could haves’ because of another person’s indiscretion.

A dash to the mini mart around the corner fast becomes one of the most regrettable moments of `a young girl’s life. Danger lurked in the dark pathway back to her house in the guise of three jobless men who felt she was ripe for the taking.

Who is to know danger will be clothed like an uncle always offering goodies?

Who is to tell that one’s innocence would be destroyed by a close relative and sometimes one’s biological father?

How can we stop this menace?

Perhaps, you should not send your daughter out at night or let them be mentored by that brilliant and charismatic counsellor, some suggest.

Some suggest for women to be cladded in less revealing clothing, I guess it is also the same suggestion for infants and babies that get molested. 

Truth be told, there is no way one can understand this.

A lot of victims would not have been victims, if that was all that was required. Like many acts of wickedness, we would never understand why people do somethings they do.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? Jer.17:9

What we shouldn’t do however is make victims feel worse. Being defiled is heartbreaking enough.

Women have had their happiness sealed away by being told to keep quiet. 

There are just so many ills and many girls and women being told to move along with it.

What were you wearing? Why did you go there?

You are a bad child; you must have seduced that good man.

It’s naïve to think there are simple solutions to this but that shouldn’t stop us from trying.

For starters, we as a society should stop justifying this dehumanizing act.

It is NOT a victim’s fault.

The complexity of seeking justice is entrenched in the fact that most abusers are trusted people- uncles, fathers, cousins and the likes but still reporting abusers should be encouraged.

For victims, there are a number of support groups made up with those that have been in similar situations. Some have healed over time and they will be there to cry with you, hold hands with you or pray with you.

If you are out there, know this; God loves you, he really does.

In my lowest moments, I have questioned this. But even at those times, I remind myself that

Even though, I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil for you are with me, your rod and staff, they comfort me.

You are not alone. Stay strong sis.

Cry if you most.

Confront the perpetrator if you can.

Pursue it to the highest courts if you can but above all, know that there is nothing wrong with you.

Allow yourself heal my love, you owe it to yourself.